Thursday, October 20, 2011


...Guilds Wars 2 is gonna be epic!~

Alright alright, allow me to indulge in fan boy excitement just until after this post, k?

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Guild Wars 2


The burning inner gamer/nerd within me is totally in bated breath waiting for this game to be finally released...some time next year it seems.

Don't get me wrong. I totally love World of Warcraft and all the time-consuming, nerdy addiction it brings, but I was really hoping for a breath of fresh air. Guild Wars 2 will have the most life-like, beautiful and visually stunning graphics the world of MMORPGs has ever seen, or so they promised. And it seems from various trailers and clips on YouTube, they aren't the least bit lying about that claim. The game-play, be it PVE or PVP-wise is gonna be based on a really dynamic. No more endless grinding, mindless questing or getting owned by people more geared by you. Quests/events come to you, all the events based on your character will be directly decided on the paths and choices that you choose, and did I mention the orgasm-inducing graphics?

You bet my obviously overly excited ass I did!~

Seriously, I'm even hoping to get into open beta when it's available, hopefully early next year.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

After A 2 Month Hiatus...

Somehow, I've lost the will to blog. I don't really have the time nor the energy to write about anything late, which explains my 2 month hiatus. Work has been a bitch and the rat race has intensified over the course of this year. But fret not, that was also the call for me to get pro-active in order to have a better life and future. I'm determined not to stay average or mediocre. I want more than what life has to give right now. I want a better life. A LOT BETTER.

Life is much of a blur sometimes, thanks to my current job. And I'm still striving to get out of it. In fact, wish me luck for an interview this Saturday =)

On brighter note, zai2 and I are back together now, and we've been so for more than 3 months since our 'break-up'. What to do, he's still stuck to me like glue. Someday, I might need to have him surgically removed from me. During the course of our 'break-up', I imagined what life would be like without him. He knew me well, adjusted to my temperaments and even my family liked him. He cheered for my dreams and aspirations, and brought further cheer into my life. We did have a couple of arguments during that time and almost did break-up for real.

Then, I imagined what life would truly be without him, and I would be back to square one. Alone and striving to find that which would fill the void in my heart. Even if I were to find someone else, I would have to go through an entire cycle of mutual discoveries that new couples go through. Why would I want to put myself through all that when one who truly loves me is already in front of me? Doubts faded and a deeper affection arose. At the time when I almost lost him, was the time I found out that I needed him, as he did me.

We're not a perfect couple. We have our ups and downs. We struggle just like everyone else. But, all I know is that the thought of really losing him left me with an aching pain. A sudden, dark void that felt physical. An emptiness devoid of joy. I guess I didn't really feel it when we 'broke-up' because he was always around me. At the height of our arguments, a real break-up was at the brink of coming true. And that was when I found out how much I still loved him. Isn't it a bitch how much you truly appreciate something once it's gone, or almost gone in my case?

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Lift Your Heart

So many times in so many instances have we kept doubted or despised ourselves, and struggled to make something more of ourselves. In those times, this will lift your heart.

Stay strong, look within you and keep moving forward. Bad times and seemingly never-ending struggle will always be there, and the actions we take in those circumstances will ultimately determine the outcome. In the bleakest hour on the darkest days, we need to cling on to hope and keep going. The flame of hope can be reduced to a tiny flicker, but it can never go out. That tiny spark can turn the tides if you remain steadfast and fight alongside it. It is always there if you seek it, and can devoid you of life should you lose it.

Never give up, no matter how bad things get. I need to remind myself of that always.

Alright I'll stop here. I'm getting too preachy =)

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Random Ramblings

Sorry peeps. I know my blog has turned into a bit of a ghost town of late. Hardly a single post for almost 3 weeks. Been busy with real life, and recently very engrossed with Bersih 2.0. If you must know where I stand, I'M ALL WITH BERSIH! Events in the past week leading to the actual Bersih 2.0 rally has been a whirlwind of overwhelming emotions from anger, support, frustration, amazement and more. I feel like a Bersih post coming up (even though I wasn't there) but time doesn't really permit at this point.

Still struggling to get my life back in order, and striving to work on the right priorities. I need to place my thoughts in a more positive future and work towards that. My dreams and aspirations won't fall onto my lap just like that. It takes work.

Also, I've joined the Apple cult clan last week. My trusty 4-year-old Nokia is falling apart, like literally. That hardy thing withstood MANY falls (it's also my alarm clock, know when you're really sleepy and reach for your alarm clock, you sometimes knock it to the ground. In my case, it's MANY times) and even a snatch theft.

Sometimes I really wonder, when did life get so hard and complicated? Then, when I think about it, it's more about perspective. It's about how you look at it. Sure, how you're feeling at the time could greatly influence your judgement. If you're feeling really tired or demotivated, life seems like crap, however you see it. But as a whole, how you ultimately choose to look at it is what matters. Circumstances happen and we can't control it, how you react will determine the outcome. All too often, we tend to get emotionally hijacked or let our impulse run the show, and most of those times, don't we find that we get short-changed as a result?

I believe that I'm at a time when I'm supposed to fight my way out. It's like I'm paying my dues to qualify for something greater. Does that make sense?

Pessimism is a sneaky bastard. It can creep up to you when you least expect it, park itself at a spot where it can't be spotted, whisper its dark lies into your ears and blind you from seeing and appreciating the things that you have and those who really matter. I need to take a good hard look at my life, and value the things that I have. Isn't it a bitch when you don't know what you really had, until you've lost it?

It's late, and here ends my ramblings for tonight. It's not much, just some stuff on top of my head.

Thursday, June 23, 2011


Remember THIS girl?

When this song debuted over Youtube, it became SO EPIC for being SO BAD. Then, it became fun when a lot of parodies came out. Then, it became strangely addictive and you started having trouble shaking the beat out of your head...having listened to it while laughing/mocking/facepalming yourself WAY too many times.

Well, laugh all you want coz Rebecca Black just starred in a music video alongside a very nerdy Katy Perry for her latest song, Last Friday Night.

I just the MTV is just pure fun and fabulous XD

PS: That guy beside Katy is TOTALLY HAWT!~

Wednesday, June 22, 2011


Seriously, when I first heard her from the radio, I thought that it was a Pink song. You gotta admit, they do sound almost the same, except Adele's is a more soulful.

It's been a while since I've such a soulful, artsy song with a retro feel to it. And her vocals are pretty amazing.

Monday, June 20, 2011

The Boss

It's late but I can't sleep. Something in my head refuses to settle. I'm feeling uneasy and slightly disturbed. Perhaps it's the fact that I'm going to work in a job that I hate, thanks to my boss. Since I started working in RB 6 months ago, I've changed but unfortunately, not for the better. I'm moodier and much less happier than usual. I'm a lot more exhausted and frustrated most of the time. Both William and Jo have noticed and remarked on this change in me. I used to complain for fun when I was still attached to D, but now, my complaints genuinely resonate my intense frustrations and unhappiness stemming from RB.

It's not so much about the job that irks me, but about the BOSS. I swear, he is the BIGGEST pet peeve of all. I wouldn't mind as much working with a busy schedule, but working with a unreasonable boss with an attitude problem and a bad-temper really takes the cake. It's nerve-wrecking working for someone who's as volatile and unpredictable as a ferocious, quiet guard dog. You never know when he will bare his teeth, bark and bite off your nuts. Unlike my previous managers, who can rightfully be called professional people managers, he maintains a strict boss and co-worker mentality. Not that it's all bad, but his attitude is what makes him over-bearing and hateful. It really says something when the new hires and even trainees try to avoid him as much as possible, and not to mention rejoicing when he's on leave.

He's stubborn, obnoxious, condescending, confrontational, impatient, has a short-fused temper and is not qualified as a people manager. To add to that, he has a habit of dumping tasks on people regardless of whether that person is overloaded, which just spells poor management to me. He has poor people skills and just enjoys barking at people to get things done, and get things done HIS way. As a result, there are many who think that he is a pain in the neck and ought to be avoided. I even caught him reading adult sex stories on the internet during working hours a couple of times.

Compared to him, my previous 'real' managers were saints, who knew how to manage people properly, streamline tasks and really cared about us, our opinions and concerns. They were people whom you could really talk to, not some brash, hot-headed neanderthal who likes to swing his verbal club around just because he has the most knowledge and experience. It might work for people who have worked with him for a long time, but it's just gonna repel those who have experienced a better, more tolerant and professional environment. I've been on the end of his verbal assaults quite a few times, so I've witness more severe lashings even toward the senior engineers (there was one particular time when I was almost certain a fight was gonna break out between him and a fellow engineer, when the engineer spoke back, saying that my boss shouldn't talk to him like that). It's no wonder that they are leaving as one's gonna take his bullshit forever.

Man, it felt good to let it all out and I expect to leave soon too.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Life On A Standstill

Life seems like a race lately and I barely get any time for myself. I seem to have a lot on my mind and sometimes, I just feel trapped or suffocated. One thing occurred to me though. I realized one of the reasons my social life is in a bit of a slump is because I don't have access to the internet at work. It just dawned on me how much time I spent on the internet during working hours to update myself, blog and connect with people online, provided of course I had nothing urgent going on or lots of work piling. Facebook was an integral part of my day. It was the next thing I opened after my email. I would normally update my blog at work as well, and constantly updated myself surfing Google, Youtube etc.

I haven't really been going out much as well. I really miss those fun outings and crazy times we had. I miss going to KL just to get away from it all and unwind. I miss my friends in KL, hanging out and going clubbing occasionally. It's not that I don't really have the time, but I really need to conserve my coffers and my new company it a little more hectic and restrictive when it comes to taking days off. I guess the big difference is that I have a lot more financial commitments since last year. I've become more of a miser when it comes to spending, something which I don't really condone since I don't like to feel restricted. I'm really working on overcoming this issue and I can only hope for the best at this point.

Life has been pretty quiet and drab, something that I really dislike. I hate to say it but since a lot my friends left, it hasn't been the same. I miss you guys bucket-loads, you know who you are :)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

You Are Perfect To Me

At a time when I felt incredibly vulnerable, sad and awash with doubt; at a time when I felt unworthy and so unsure of myself, this song played on my car radio as I drove home in despair many nights ago.

I hadn't noticed at first, with my mind in a race of thoughts, but the words eventually caught my attention. It was just the right moment, with the right message and the just right words that I needed to hear. It was so miraculous, or at least it felt that way to me. There was no one else around, just me alone in the car. It was as if You were listening to my heart, and knew exactly what to say. You may call it coincidence if you want, but I believe that that song was meant for me.

I burst into tears as I drove back. I just let it all out. Both touched and utterly grateful for that song, I just want to share it with all of you.

If you're feeling down, unworthy or terribly discouraged with yourself, this is the song for you =)

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

It's Just One Of Those Times...

Sometimes, life seems to move at light speed, and I begin to lose sight of things.

Sometimes, life seems to be such a heaving struggle, I begin to tire at every possibility of action and just wanna lay down in inaction.

Sometimes, life seems so fatiguing, that my mind ceases to perceive and becomes a huge, jumbled blur.

Sometimes, I just lose sight of my direction, hoping that there will be a flicker of light in the distance to guide you back to the longing road.

Sometimes, I don't even know what I want, and the resulting frustration just steers me into more indecision.

Sometimes, I wonder if things will ever get better, clinging furiously in the dark, hoping to hold to climb back up where there will be light again.

Sometimes, I wonder if most of what's going on in my life is self-inflicted, and my mind sneers trying to stifle a knowing giggle.

Sometimes, I wonder if I will implode with all this confusion, but I still live to wonder about that another day.

Sometimes, I vehemently try to pry open the forbidden veils of the future in my mind and take a spy, only to find it concealed in a thick fog.

Sometimes, I wonder if I will really be able to get back on track, and reach the dreams that I've laid out at the end.

Sometimes, I feel so lost, as if my mind's compass is spinning wildly in the magnetic field of the burdens that still await.

Sometimes, I just wanna let it all go, and feel the joy and peace again.

God, please light the way for me.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Strangers, Again

I never thought that my last post here would end up this way. I planned for something else but I guess that won't do for now. I found something better to talk about our relationship and I must thank Wong Fu Production for such video because the date of the video which was uploaded was the same as the day we broke up, 20th of April, 2011. It could never be a better coincidence as this and in a way, I think of this short movie as a gift.

While the relationship between Josh and Marissa started with a shoelace, mine started with Shawnie Prawnie. I still remember the day when Shawnie gor opened my eyes to the world where being gay is not all about sex. IF I had not met Shawn, my world would have been full of darkness as in I would have had wild sex and not aware of the dangerousity of STDs. Back then, I was so broken with most of all my previous relationships that I could not think straight. Futhermore, I was convinced by a few of my bad friends (who introduced to me those harmful chemicals/substances which makes sex more "fun") to think that gays is all about sex and told me that there will be no love in our world.

Thankfully, such influence only lasts about 1 week (even then, the damage had been done but only once). One day, I was actively searching for partymates in some social sites and I came through a profile which I thought "Hhmm...this guy is not bad looking and he seems clever from what he wrote. I shall rant to him about my ex-es and see if I can con him to bed with me (joking)". That guy is of course none other than my Shawnie Prawnie ah gor. I really appreciate the fact that he brought me out to meet such nice people and most of all, I really really really must thank him for bringing me such a wonderful husband that I will never ever have again in my life.

It was during CNY on Feb 2010 and Shawnie dragged me along to Chin Bee Tea Shop to meet up with others, which, I reluctantly joined as I'm very very very shy. I didnt notice lou gong much that time as I thought he was occupied with that Brazillian whom I still refuse to mention. I did glance over at lou gong a few times and "slurp slurp...mmmm.... How sad he's attached". ANYWAY, Im not gonna rewrite things Mark has written in the past so, long story short, we went to the dating stage not long after Chin Bee Tea Shop.

Dating stage went by and we declared ourselves as couple at 3rd of March. (NOTE: I just realized he declared us as couple a day earlier than what it was supposed to be). Pasts experiences came back to haunt me even though we're officially attached. I am more cautious and tend to keep some feelings to myself so somehow, that acted as a barrier for a moment. I told him about this phobia and somehow, he reassured me with his words.

You know, he ALWAYS have this effect on me where I'm just lost for words, unable to think properly when he is around. He is also the first person ever I feel safe with. I am very afraid of the dark and when he is with me, somehow, I'm sure that everything would be alright. His mere presence never fail to made me thinks so and it still goes on until now. I used to fail to say what I had wanted to say when we are having serious conversations. Not because I don't know how but I am just stunned. To me, whenever he is around, nothing else matters not even the talks, nor my emoness. This is how comfortable I am with him but even then, sometimes, the talks must go on so I actually tried to write down what I wanted to say in paper but end up, I could not elaborate what I wanted to say. I just simply, read what I wrote in a paper and that's it (which is totally dumb).

We have had happy moments like how we spent our first year anniversary celebration on a weekend getaway and some sad moments like how he told me he is not sure whether he still loves me. Some angry moments like how we could not agree on a certain issue to some romantic moments like how we hug each other tightly and kiss passionately. All in all, we are a healthy normal couple. He have had his bad times and I will try my best to be there for him just like how he did the same thing to me. This is one of the sweetest things someone had ever done to me. He will always be there for me when I really really needed him.

Nevertheless, things had taken a change towards the end of the relationship. I had noticed a few things after we had our first talk about him losing his feelings. He never asked me if I love him anymore neither did he says "I love you" anymore when I asked him but still, I refuse to let go. When we kissed, I didnt feel the "fire" in him anymore and the kiss from him more like an obligation as a spouse rather than he wanted to. Our bedtime moments had been short lived too and somehow I can see that he could not reach climate by looking at me. Still, I refuse to let go. One of the reasons is because I don't want to lose someone again. I am tired in some way and he IS the best among all the others I had been with.

So, in a way, suffice to say that I am hiding myself from the fact that his love on me is not as strong and as passionate as it used to be. As a result, I forged on and improvise according to the situation. He do not spend as much time with me as we used to be and I am alright with it now because I am trying to salvage our relationship any way I can. Which is wrong. I became unhappy most of the time with the relationship, stressed out, complain, complain and complain. Nearly every single weekend for the past few weekends, we have had arguments. I can say that everytime, I was the one who was unhappy. Now that we've broken up, I realized why. It's because I was unwilling to let go, avoiding the truth and trying my best to salvage the relationship in any single way I can.

You know, we were both very happy during the weekend getaway. Somehow, I can feel his love once again that weekend. This makes me thinks that he do not love me as much anymore might be because he was trying to juggle between his work, his family, his commitments, his business and me. That's a whole load of weight on his shoulder. That is why I had decided to just go on with whatever he can offer to me but I guess I could not do it.

Nevertheless, on the last day of our relationship, I was really proud of myself not because of we broke up but because I faced the reality. This is the third time we had this talked and when he said "Can't you just let me go because I wanted to?", I am just speechless and with that, I do not need to find anymore excuses on why he wanted to break up with me because that is a statement which I cannot argue on.

Have you ever feel that you wanted to speak but your voice failed you? That is exactly what happened to me. My mind was screaming "NO" but my heart tells me that if I really love him, I must let him go. I manage to gather my courage after a few minutes and say "Yes, I will let you go" even though my mind was screaming the word "NO" again and again. I know I will not have any regrets saying those words because this is what he really wanted and that reason alone is enough for me to make my decision.

At the moment of writing, I am crying but not much and this is not tears of sadness but it's tears of joy. This experience showed that how much I have grown up, how much I really loved a person and how wonderful my relationship had been. It's perfect and I could not ask for a better one. He will always be perfect to me and so will this relationship. I will miss him as my lou gong and I just hope that somehow, anyhow, as little as the chance might be, for me to be his zaizai and for him to hold me dearly in his arms again. Last but not least, for me to love him as his spouse again.

Marky Mark, you will always be my one and only lou gong and even if somehow I did found another person, he will never ever be called lou gong as in my heart, I only have one.

The other day, when I was in your place taking a nap, I dreamed that you came to me, hugged me and you called yourself lou gong when you talk to me. How I wish that was true. I love you Marky Mark. I think I will stop here now because I am not thinking straight anymore right now.

To you readers, I am sorry for the grammar mistakes and my jumbled up words. I am not a good writer even though I wanted to be and I know this is one long stupid post.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

We Broke Up

We broke up last night. We said our goodbyes, amidst muffled sobs, as we held each other tightly before he left, at a quarter past midnight. I was determined not to cry, but when William tearfully muttered "Goodbye, lou gong" in my arms, I burst into tears as well. We've been together for more than a year, and we shared so many fond memories with each other. We're still good friends and I'm still here for him, and I know that William still loves me very, very much.

In my current circumstances, I just didn't have much time to spend with him, and give him the company and attention that he needs. I have a lot more commitments in my life right now, be it from the job, business and/or family. Even so, every time I wanted to go out, especially during weekends, we would be out together. But now, our outings and personal time together have been scarce. How I wished that life was simpler like few years ago, when I had at lot less to worry about and just enjoyed life a lot more, but life doesn't stay that way forever. The lack of time was really taking a toll on us, especially William.

The deepest thorn in our relationship was that my feelings for him have diminished. I felt that I no longer loved him like I used to. I'm not saying that I totally didn't neither. I still love and care for him to an extent, but not as a BF anymore. I knew this would be painful for him to hear, but I had to be honest with him. Whenever he asked if I loved him, I couldn't bring myself to answer him. I truly believe that you should only tell someone that you love them, only when you really meant it. I didn't want to lie to him and William noticed it as well. Sometimes, I still wonder if it's because of the tiredness or stress that's causing me to feel this way...

My relationship with William was the longest that I've ever had. It was also the most pleasant, loving and happy one. NO ONE has loved me more deeply and passionately as William did, which made me even more guilty when I felt that I didn't reciprocate his feelings. I couldn't give him the love, time and attention that he was meant to have. This wasn't the first time we talked about a break-up, but the third. And this time, we really went with it after really talking it through. I wasn't keen to break up with him, because I was afraid that I would have made a grave mistake. Amongst the few that I've been with, William was the best. But, I can't be in a relationship with someone that I didn't love. It would just be miserable for the both of us, and terribly unfair to him.

It was still painful in the end, and for the most part for William, although both of us cried. William is a deeply emotional person, and I can't help but want to protect him because I feel that he can be so fragile at times. However, I know he will be alright, because I also know that he is stronger than he thinks. I'm in tears as I'm writing this, in grief of letting him go. It was such a difficult decision to make, because I know how sad and painful it would be for him. I can't stand to see William cry, and I can't help but be reduced to tears as well every time he does. It just didn't feel right to go on, since I can't commit to the relationship right now nor give him the love that he so rightfully deserves.

However, a part of me still fears that I might regret this decision. Only time will tell if we eventually end up together again, or move on with our lives. Only time will tell if we were meant to be apart, or just needed a break from the relationship. I woke up this morning with a heavy heart, engulfed with sadness. Even now, I'm a lot more worried and concerned about him than myself.

I will miss zai2 very much, but I'm also glad we didn't go through an ugly break-up. I'm glad that we're still good friend, and both of us need some time to heal. I know that he is still with me, and I will always fondly cherish our memories together.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

A Different End?

Ever since the movie 2012 came out, there has been a lot of annoying claims that it could come true in Dec 2012. Annoying as it were, I gotta admit that mother nature has been diligent in steering us in that direction. A devastating series of earthquakes and tsunamis have been hitting various parts of the world over recent years, killing hundreds of thousands of people.

A recent movie that came prompt me to think that perhaps our apocalyptic end might not come from the wrath of mother earth, but from beyond the skies. World Invasion: Battle Los Angelos capitalizes on UFO sightings worldwide that results in a massive alien invasion, but what if this could become a possibility?

Like the increased occurrences of natural disasters hitting the world, sightings of UFOs have increased as well.

Think about it.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Financially Challenged

"Money is not the most important thing in the world, but it is important for most things in life"

Do you agree with this quote? People who actually believe that money is the root of all evil, should try to argue the destitute, homeless and financially bankrupt. If you still believe that, by all means, I would love to relieve you from that 'evil'. And people who believe that are also those with the most money and arguably, might have too much time to think and conjure up such nonsensical notion. A gun doesn't kill people, people kill people.

My life has taken a financial backseat in the past couple of years. Added commitments and some unfortunate incidents have caused inevitable outward monetary surge from my coffers, and this has become a source of self-inflicted stress. Don't get me wrong, I'm not approaching poverty any time soon. But, I am the type of person who believes in saving for a rainy day. Wisely cautious or borderline paranoid, however you want to put it, I'm always wary that shit might happen, which would require digging into any cash reserves. So, it is distressing to me that the meagre digits in my bank account haven't given birth to more digits, and have been quite stagnant in the past couple of years. Right now, my expenses (which is quite little) and commitments are almost equal to my salary.

I'm not a big spender. In fact, I haven't been shopping for a long time and my very limited wardrobe bores me to tears. I've been wearing my worn out gym sneakers for almost everything for almost 2 years. My social life in Penang (and KL) is like Lindsay Lohan's career, almost dead. I'm in need of a lot of things right now, and I'm tempted to just throw caution into the wind (or in front of a speeding bus) and get them.

However, I've come to realize that life is how you choose to be. I've been making myself feel miserable for the past year. 2010 felt like hell for me coz I was stressing myself out. And for what? It's not as if money will come crashing down from the heavens if I choose to indulge in self-inflicted worries. Instead, I should re-adjust my focus. Shift my mental energy to observe what I truly have, and what I can do to improve it. A brand new car (coz my old one got totaled thanks to dad), a steady roof over my head, a brand new computer, enough food to eat every day; basically the necessities (yes, a PC is a necessity for me, like my liver). Sure, I'm not as rich or fabulous as the next wealthy snob, but my life doesn't suck ass either.

Whatever the circumstances, we ultimately choose how we react towards it. Circumstances won't change, we change. There is no merit dwelling in despair, nor indulging in negative self-talk. We are who we choose to be, whether you believe it or not. Also, I leave you with this...

"The wealthiest person is not the one with the most money, but the one with the least debts".

This is SO true...well, in my books anyways =)

Monday, March 21, 2011

Still Self-conscious

I used to be fat in my late teens into early adulthood. On top of that, I had bad skin and acne problems. It's probably no wonder that I've been very uncomfortable under my skin ever since. Even though I've come so far and improved by leaps and bounds, I've never quite gotten over being physically self-conscious. Although that feeling has toned down considerably since those dark days of self-bashing and deep-seated self-loathing, I've never really been able to shake it off entirely. Yes, I know that everyone struggles with their own insecurities, and may even triumph over 'em if you consciously work to overcome them. Subsequently, I've always figured that I'd have gotten rid of it by now.

I'm still self-conscious about how I look topless. So much so that I've never taken my shirt off even to my closest friends. Sure, I've always been working out regularly and in fact, fitness has become so routine for me and the gym is like my second home. Sure, my body is miles away from what it used to be, and I've grown some muscle on me bones, but I'm still embarrassed that I don't look as good as I should for someone who goes to the gym. To this day, I'm still not able to take my shirt off in public except that one time when I was clubbing in KL on new year's and my friends pulled my shirt off and shoved me on stage. How sad T.T

I still find it difficult to smile in front of the camera, since I'm not the least bit photogenic. Thankfully, my skin has improved dramatically, and I owe it all to Artistry (let me know if your interested). At least I look more pleasant in photos now, but I still dread the stare of the camera occasionally. And I can't endure close-ups. They reveal the nooks and crannies that should be concealed under piles of make-up, but I never wear make-up. Nor do I touch up any of my photos. So, whatever you see on Facebook is the REAL DEAL. Call if pride or whatever you want, but I don't believe in falsifying my own image in a bid to improve the viewers expectation of myself. I believe that should you want to friend me, you should be sincere and like the person that I am. Furthermore, what's the use for you to make photos of yourself so utterly gorgeous, only to end up bombing the person's expectation when he/she finally meets you? Potong steam I tell you. Might as well be just who you are =)

Yeah, I know this post is supposed to be about me being all self-conscious, but I gotta insert something positive in there. A long time ago, I've made up my mind to avoid negative stuff or be whiny about myself. When I started this blog, it was more about self-expression, whether it be good or bad. However, my posts were more negative back then. So I'm glad to say, it's taken a turn for the better in recent years. And my posts are way happier these days =)

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Maria Aragon And Lady Gaga

Maria Aragon is a Filipino-Canadian girl from Winnipeg, Canada. Her mother is a native Filipina from Ormoc, Leyte, Philippines.

On February 16 2011, a video of Maria performing a cover of "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga was posted to her sister's YouTube channel to showcase Maria's talent to friends and family. The video caught Lady Gaga's attention and she was so impressed and moved to tears by Maria's performance that she retweeted a link to the video to her eight million followers and showcased it in the Facebook page, causing a sensation and launching Maria to instant international fame. The video garnered over 10 million views on YouTube in five days. In 6 days, her video, "Born This Way - (Cover)" on Youtube had reached about 19 million views.

Ellen DeGeneres took notice of her from Lady Gaga's tweet and invited Maria to appear on her show on February 21, 2011, where Maria again performed "Born This Way" on the piano earning a standing ovation from the audience. You know it's another dream come true when you're on Ellen (think Charice!).

Toronto's Virgin Radio 99.9, was the among the first media outlets to reach out to Maria and attempted to fly Maria and her family to Toronto so that Maria could perform live on air but it was cancelled due to the weather. During an interview on HOT 103 in Winnipeg, Lady Gaga called into the show to tell Maria how moved she had been by her performance. Lady Gaga then invited an already surprised Maria to perform "Born This Way" with her at The Monster Ball Tour concert in Toronto in March, an offer which Maria enthusiastically accepted.

On March 3, 2011, Maria joined Lady Gaga on stage in front of a packed audience at the Air Canada Centre, where together they performed an acoustic duet of "Born this Way" with Maria sitting on Gaga's lap, playing piano and Lady Gaga working the pedals. At the end of the song, Gaga turned the microphone over to Maria who thanked the audience and Gaga for allowing her to perform.

Maria's so sweet and Gaga's got a big heart. Love 'em both =)

Monday, March 7, 2011

Born This Way

I just LOOOOOVE the lyrics of this song. This one is closer to being a awesome rock song instead of her more eccentric hits but the MV is one of Gaga's freakiest yet!~

I really adore the message and beat more than any eccentricities or how much of a club hit it would be.

It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
'Cause you were born this way, baby

My mama told me when I was young
We're all born superstars
She rolled my hair, put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudoir

"There's nothin' wrong with lovin' who you are"
She said, "'Cause He made you perfect, babe"
"So hold your head up, girl and you'll go far,
Listen to me when I say"

I'm beautiful in my way,
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
(Born this way)

Ooo, there ain't no other way
Baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way
(Born this way)
Ooo, there ain't other way
Baby, I was born this way
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Don't be!

Give yourself prudence and love your friends
Subway kid, rejoice the truth
In the religion of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth

A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M (hey, hey, hey)
I love my life, I love this record and
Mi amore vole fe yah

I'm beautiful in my way,
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Ooo, there ain't no other way

Baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way
(Born this way )
Ooo, there ain't other way
Baby, I was born way
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

(Queen, Don't be, Queen)

Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Whether you're broke or evergreen
You're black, white, beige, chola descent
You're Lebanese, you're orient
Whether life's disabilities
Left you outcast, bullied or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
'Cause baby, you were born this way

No matter gay, straight or bi
lesbian, transgendered life
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born to survive
No matter black, white or beige
chola or orient-made
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born to be brave

I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way, yeah!

Ooo, there ain't no other way
Baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way
(Born this way)
Ooo, there ain't other way
Baby, I was born this way
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

I was born this way, hey!
I was born this way, hey!
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way, hey!

I was born this way, hey!
I was born this way, hey!
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way, hey!

Lady Gaga performs "Born This Way" live At the 53rd Annual GRAMMY Awards.

I love that she can sing REALLY well live. No synching or auto-tuning, even while dancing. This just shows how musically talented she really is. Love Lady Gaga!~

It Has Been A Year

Who'd have thunk that when I went out with zai2 for the first time, we would be together up to a year? As of 3 March, a year has gone by since we declared ourselves officially as a couple. Last Thursday, we had a great dinner at one of my favorite Japanese restaurants, Soba Yoshi at Krystal Point. Great tasting, authentic (you know it's good when plenty of Japanese ex-pats and foreigners eat there regularly) and fresh food with large portions and prices from reasonable to extravagant, I just can't get enough of it. Zai2 knows I love it, so he insisted we had there. I was paying anyways =p

Months ago, I won a lucky draw from the company's team-building event at Hydro Majestic Hotel at Batu Ferringhi. The prize was a voucher for a free 2D1N stay there as well, inclusive of breakfast. As soon as I won it, I HAD to reserve it for zai2. I knew he'd love it, since we rarely got to travel and stay together. The room was spacious and satisfactorily clean, especially the bathroom. I have NO tolerance for dirty toilets or bathrooms. We checked in at around 3:30pm there, settled down our things and was prepared to head out again. I planned to watch a movie at TGV since we both love the seats and popcorn there. However, zai2 got a little too 'excited' and we left at around 5pm instead.

We arrived at 1st Avenue almost an hour later and I was STARVING, thanks to the activity prior. We headed to the cinema to check out the movies and decided on I Am Number Four at 6.55pm. Then, we headed down to the lower ground floor to Old Town for some light snacks. I had a couple of soft-boiled Omega 3 eggs and a single PB toast, whilst zai2 ordered the indulgent french toast. Zai2 left half for me to finish since I was so famished, and pounded away on his PSP. After all that and popcorn later in the movies, fat die me ><

I Am Number Four was pretty good. Storyline was simple and straightforward, the protagonist was smokin' hot and the action was outstanding, especially at the end. It is just me or is TGV's screen bigger? Seriously, the hero was shirtless a bunch of times (not complaining here XD) and his nipples were almost the size of my head...which is also HAWT! Also, it's my first time in a BEANIEPLEX! RM 13 per person for a couple-seat bean bag chairs, I HAD TO TRY IT OUT (very jakun here). As soon as I stepped into the beanieplex, I knew some couples were regulars, brought blankets somemore.

After the movie, we met up with Dennis at Coffee Bean in Gurney Plaza, since zai2 wanted to try out the new yogurt dessert they have there. He ordered the yogurt parfait, which was quite alright. A pleasant chat and some roaring laughter later, we headed to the nearby hawker center for some light supper. By the time we got back to the hotel, I was pooped. I didn't get much sleep that night. Zai2 was in sticky mode, so he wanted to cuddle and sleep...but that gina was like a worm, wriggling here and there during the night. As a result, I woke up multiple times T.T

On Sunday morning, we headed to the beach opposite the hotel after breakfast. Climbed some rocks, smashed some barnacles growing on rocks and watched a elderly woman opening oysters on some rocks. We walked around for a short while before zai2 complained it was getting hot. By the time we got back to the hotel, he complained that his legs were hurting from all the stairs. Hehe, what a little diva! We packed up and still had a little time to spare so zai2 got 'excited' again. So we ended up checking out 30 mins late, luckily still can get my deposit back =P

All in all, I could see that zai2 was really happy over the weekend =)

Happy 1 year anniversary zai2!~

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

2 Friggin' Weeks!

Yeah, it's been THAT long since I last updated. Not coz I was lazy or anything, but life has been a huge handful lately.

As of today, it's been 3 months into the new job. Still trying to grasp the elaborate processes required but one major thing that sticks out like a sore thumb. There are SOOO MANY DOCUMENTS! Seriously, I come from a paperless environment in my last job, and this is something I still have trouble adjusting to. Everything has to be printed out, submitted and kept for documentation. I think I will kill a small tree every three months. We are a global company and I find it ridiculous that we're taking part in Go Green initiatives and using so much paper.

Also, file organization in the system is almost non-existent. In simpler terms, it's a freakin' mess. So properly revision control, lack of updates and plenty of incomplete documents. Sometimes I can't really blame them. The amount of documents to print, file and keep is tremendous!

What I MISS THE MOST is the flexibility and freedom I used to have. I miss coming and going as I please. I miss submitting my leaves online and adjusting as needed at any time. Here, I wanna go on half day leave also have to submit two forms and wait for boss's approval before I can get out of the plant.

I won't even bother to mention what a bother it is not to have internet. How the hell am I going it google for WOW stuff, Facebook all day, update my blog and watch Youtube work stuff then? One good thing is that I don't park my ass in front of the desk most of the time, except if I have some documents to do. Or else, I'd bore myself to death. So I'm usually up and about.

Our production is FILLED female operators, mostly Malay or Indon, that like to give awkward stares every time I pass by in production. Sorry ladies, even with enough make-up on to kill a wild elephant, and even though I think some of you are actually gorgeous...I'm not interested. Why aren't there any cute guy operators? Sigh ><

The big kahuna has begun dumping numerous projects on me, when I'm still in the dark about most of the processes here, so I'm kinda struggling to keep myself afloat. Communication really needs to improve here, especially for some colleagues in my own department. Giving me bits and pieces and incomplete info and you expect me to perform optimally?

On the other hand, I do enjoy the company of my colleagues. I find them to be matured, nice, friendly and kinda fun. I felt a sense of welcome as soon as I began as they included me in most of their activities right away. The organization in my office isn't that huge, so everyone basically know each other, making it seem like a more closely knit community. That, and the slightly higher salary are the only positives that I can derive at the moment. It's no wonder when some of the older folks would bet on how many of the new people would actually stay for long. Recently, a new person in probation left after just 5 months =/

Exactly a month ago, I went for an interview (surprise, surprise!) in one of the top US companies that sells one of the world's best technologies *hint*. I really hope I can get it. They are still in the process of selection, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed since there are 4 positions available and only 10 people, including myself interviewed for that position.

Pray for me...will you? =)

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Leavin' On A Jet Plane...

About 5 years ago, my bestie Joseph left Penang for KL to live with his BF.

Then Isaac moved to KL for work.

Months ago, my dear foodie Brendan began work in KL.

Last year, PC left for New Zealand to continue his PHD.

Recently, Shawn just left for greener pastures in New Zealand.

Yesterday, Albin made a sudden announcement that he's leaving Penang to return to his hometown by the end of Feb.

On the same day, my dear friend Sonia from KL called to tell me that she'll start work in China on 24 Feb.

I know it's not up to me. And I know that I can't stop anyone from moving on and getting a better life, but it feels like so many good friends have left.....and I'm feeling so lonely all of a sudden. My list of good friends here grows thin.

I miss you all =(

Out With The Old, In With The New

When 2011 started, I had a feeling that it is going to be a year of change. Somehow, I felt it and I can't explain it. And so, the first change happens. Last Tuesday, dad got into a nasty 4 car pile-up at Gelugor area with my Wira. Dad's ok, but the accident was a messy. He hit a Hyundai, and a Kancil rammed from behind. The front was almost flattened, and the back suffered a fractured bumper and scratches.

Mum was pretty stressed out with the whole thing, as she had to drive out to meet dad and settle the accident (police reports, insurance claim etc). And she decided there and then that the Wira must go. After all, we've had it for about 12 years. We settled to have another Myvi join the family. Mum is currently driving her own Hyundai Getz and she got sis a new Myvi many months ago to get her to start driving. And now, I'm getting a new Myvi, which I will be financing on my own. Yes, in with the new car and a new tear in my wallet too. But still, I'm pretty excited to be getting the Myvi. After all, I've been hogging sis's car anyways =P

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Don't Piss Me Off...

...or I will curse YOU with an extremely slow death!~

ROFL, I know it has been released since end of 2009, but I just found this and it's just hysterical!

ASK JACK about his extremely SLOOOW death experience.

How to fight that Ginosaji? What weapons can you USE?

Now, your decisions could affect Jack's fate. CLICK on each of the alternate endings to find out how!~

HAHAHAHAHA, this shit is damn funnehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!~

*ROFL till almost dead*

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Happy New Yeaaar!

Happy Year of the Bunneh!~

Oops, I meant Happy New Year of the Rabbit XD

May this year be filled with joy, prosperity, abundant wealth and great health! Also, don't eat too much else your waistline will 'prosper' too =P

Friday, January 28, 2011

When 2012 Comes...

...this is how we will die. Attack of the puppehs!~

LOL, Terran kitteh vs Zerg swarm puppehs XD

I bet the cat is thinking, "Get the hell off meh, you fluffy lil' white racist bastards! WTF, get your ass out of my face. Oh, my nuts! Oooi, get YOUR faces out of MY ass~"

*jumps up onto box, stares down at Zerg puppehs and whips tail helicopter style triumphantly*

Serious, this is the CUTESTESTEST thing evar!~ And that cat is damn patient and/or even loving it, plowing into a whole bunch of 'em like that. If the puppies don't lick you to death, you will just die from cuteness overload.

PS: That cat REALLY looks like Chips, my pet kitten that passed away during my stay in Malacca. A more grown up version that is. I distinctly remember the adorable stripes of fur on her belly =)

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Beats That Make You Move

When I first heard of this song on radio, I thought it was a prank song or something. Then, I heard it few more times and realized that it was an actual song. Then, I heard it in Bagan during NYE celebrations there and my ass caught the beat.

It's none other than the infectious and peculiar song by Yolanda Be Cool and DCup called We No Speak Americano by Australian duo Yolanda Be Cool and producer DCUP. It was released on the independent Australian label Sweat It Out on 27 February 2010. We No Speak Americano became a hit in Europe, Australia, and Latin America (where the song is also known as Pa-Panamericano) as well as a top 40 hit in the U.S. and Canada. It also won the 2010 ARIA award for Best Dance Release.

Another would be Stereo Love by Edward Maya featuring Vika Jigulina, a Romanian hit released in summer of 2009. Stereo Love received over 91 million YouTube views in less than 12 months and it is the longest song in the history of European top Hot 100, accumulating 52 weeks.

So what are you waiting for? Move that ass!~

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

You're A Firework

I really LISTENED to Katy Perry's new song, and what it says really speaks to me. I think it's an amazing and beautiful song.

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag Drifting through the wind Wanting to start again Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin Like a house of cards One blow from cavin' in Do you ever feel already buried deep Six feet under screams And no one seems to hear a thing Do you know that there's still a chance for you Cause there's a spark in you You just gotta ignite the light And let it shine Just own the night Like the Fourth of July Cause baby you're a firework Come on show 'em what your worth Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" As you shoot across the sky-y-y Baby you're a firework Come on let your colors burst Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own You don't have to feel like a waste of space You're original, cannot be replaced If you only knew what the future holds After a hurricane comes a rainbow Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow And when it's time you'll know You just gotta ignite the light And let it shine Just own the night Like the Fourth of July Cause baby you're a firework Come on show 'em what your worth Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" As you shoot across the sky-y-y Baby you're a firework Come on let your colors burst Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own Boom, boom, boom Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon It's always been inside of you, you, you And now it's time to let it through Cause baby you're a firework Come on show 'em what your worth Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" As you shoot across the sky-y-y Baby you're a firework Come on let your colors burst Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" You're gonna leave 'em goin "Oh, oh, oh!" Boom, boom, boom Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon Boom, boom, boom Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Hope seems so bleak and distant at times. We stop ourselves from enjoying life because we think that we are not good enough, even worthless compared to those around us, when no one actually sees us that way. We hide ourselves for fear of being different. It's time to do what's right. It's time to stand up and stop letting fear halt our tracks. It's time to ignite the light and unleash the fireworks within us. It's time to be the person we were meant to be, and live life as how we should be.

We are all uniquely orginal, beautiful and are stronger and more resilient than we think =)

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Entering Adulthood

11.1.11 was a special occasion. Not just because of it's numeral uniqueness, but it is the day zai2 could officially vote, drink and enter clubs without fear of raiding police dragging his skinny ass back to balai!

Naturally, we planned a surprise. Since zai2 hadn't been to The Ship before, Albin decided it was the right venue for this occasion.

As an appetizer, Albin ordered half a dozen escargot with cheesy, garlic sauce. Zai2 only ate a teensy piece, with great difficulty. I found it delightful though. First time eating a snail =P

Zai2 had fish baked in creamy and cheesy sauce. Very filling indeed.

The steaks were mediocre and felt rather tasteless to me.

I had the Chicken Au Chambertin (hope I spelt it right). It was just...meh, I've had better.

See, this ginna so excited to open his present.

Dennis got him a porcupine bag, to complement his porcupine hair XD

I bought zai2 something he always wanted. An ice-cream cake from Baskin Robbins, filled with strawberry cheesecake ice-cream and layered with caramel top. All 3 things zai2 loves...strawberries, cheese and caramel. Fat die us but as long as he's happy lor XD

Just a small, but still rather noisy gathering.

Happy birthday zai2!~

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Partying Our Way To 2011

NOTE: I know that this is a LONG overdue post, but I got lazy and had trouble uploading the pics. There were too many ><

I definitely wanted to celebrate the coming of 2011 outdoors. Didn't wanna sit and rot at home while the rest of the world roared during countdown. No, I didn't plan to be Gurney Plaza, nor Esplanade where our dear CM Lim Guan Eng would be, and risk getting squashed by the masses and face the frustration of the possibility of counting down in the car amidst unmoving traffic due to blocked roads and block-headed revelers who might get a little too rowdy. I decided to head to Straits Quay with zai2 and meet up with friends there. Straits Quay is Penang's newest sea-front mall. Love the architecture but it's not fully populated yet. Only restaurants, quite 'atas' ones, have taken root. Incidentally, Straits Quay is also fast becoming a new 'IN' place for the vast population of Penang's gay people.

Massive Xmas tree...or just a tiny little zai2 XD

We also have a lighthouse, which now looks kinda eerie with the green light.

After spending 15 mins there with Isaac and Dennis, Isaac commented it was BORING. Well, the crowd congregating there were mostly family-oriented, and not even a small concert there could spice it up. SO, we decided to head over to Bagan instead. They were having a countdown event there too (which club/popular venue isn't), so we hastened our asses there. Traffic was surprisingly smooth, despite the fact that it was already past 11pm.

Can you see how hard we were partying down there?

'Train'ing to I Will Survive!~

Camwhoring on the dance floor XD

I partied so hard that night. It's been such a while since I went so wild. Drenched in sweat all the party and it's amazing my ass was still intact. Freakin' awesome way to welcome 2011!~