Being 'Manja'

While we were dating, YZ complained that I was too 'manja' towards him. It wasn't anything new to me, coz I DO tend to do that to my BF or someone I really like. What was new to me was that he was complaining about it =P

None of my exes, or people I've dated had a problem with it. But, YZ felt that I wasn't treating him on the same level. That I wasn't treating him like an adult or matured person. I didn't really see it that way coz I felt that I was just being more affectionate and caring. In reality, I really appreciated his level of maturity. It was a real breath of fresh air for me. AND, we had already developed a more intimate/sexual relationship, hence all the 'manja'ness.

If you are my BF or even potential BF, I would let my affections pour out and begin to pamper you. I would be more attentive towards you. I would always observe you and learn as much as I can about the person that you are. And yes, I love to manja manja every now and then, coz I really can't help it =P

I guess all those things come naturally for me, or perhaps it's what I perceive I should do when I enter into an intimate relationship, and I think a lot of people do it too. However, I DID have to tone it down a little. It was giving YZ a hard time so I had to respect that.

What about you? Do you like to manja manja with your BF or GF? =P

I Miss You...

The year is coming to a close and I realize that I'm still all alone. The days have gone by so fast, but I still remember what we had. It was brief but it was good. I remembered the sweet things you did for me. I remember the moments when we were together.

At the end of last year, you came into my life when I was feeling the loneliest. I jumped into it without much thought when I saw the look on your face, as we kissed under the moonlight on the beach, while you lay on my lap. You made me feel wanted again. You made me feel that I was worth it. I miss the cute and adorable things you'd do. I miss the sounds you made as I tickled you when you pretended not to let me kiss you. I miss the times when you called me 'lo gong'. It was so cute when you begged me to get off you coz I was heavy and you couldn't breathe. I miss just cuddling you when we had a chance to be together. I miss pampering you, making sure you're alright and had what you needed so that you'd be happy. But then 3 months on, it just ended as abruptly as it began. I'm sorry I had to break-up with you. I didn't see a reason how we could go on when you behaved that way. Although it didn't end well, I still kept the memories. Good ones are almost impossible to erase.

Then a couple of months ago, you came along. I honestly didn't know that anything would even happen when I pushed the 'Add as Friend' button on Facebook. The open flirting that ensued in Facebook really surprised me, but it felt good. When I met you I didn't expect much, coz I didn't know you at all. Our first date was really sweet. I remember it to this day. I find it rather endearing how 'aggressive' you were. I was surprised at how matured someone your age was, at least more than those your age that I've met. I miss it when we held hands in public. I miss how you'd sneak every opportunity to lean on my when we went down the escalators. I miss how you held my pinky finger when I had one hand on the gear as I drove. I miss how well you knew how to cuddle when we slept. I miss feeling your warmth beside me. I miss the way you wouldn't let me kiss your 'sensitive' places, afraid of making too much noise. I still think it's adorable. I also miss the adorable way that you walk, as you come down those steps to meet me when I came to fetch you. What I miss the most is going to the movies with you. Holding hands and cuddling so close, we might as well have bought the couple's seat. It was a pity you made the decision you did, because I really thought we could make something of it. I just want you to know that it was a great one month for me. Sometimes I thought of being more aggressive, but I get the feeling that would just drive you away. Nevertheless, out of all those whom I've been with (not a lot), you were the one who treated me the nicest and cared for me the most. I just thought you needed to know that. To this day, I still miss you a lot.

Lady GaGa On Ellen

Lady GaGa's interview on the Ellen Degeneres show during Thanksgiving.



Bad Romance live! XD



Her new song Speechless.



She's so quirky, down-to-earth, funny and incredibly talented. Love her to bits XD

I'm Feelin' It!

Christmas and New Year's is just weeks away and I'm definitely feelin' it! The Christmas carols playing everywhere. More Christmas food and desserts popping up on Youtube. Christmas-themed movies and TV series are out. Christmas trees, decorations and merchandise being sold here and there. It just gets you in the mood, ya know?

Anyhow, my family doesn't really celebrate Christmas lavishly. We don't have, or more accurately, we've never had a Christmas tree nor do we exchange gifts. Truthfully, we've never really observed the same traditional practices as our Western counterparts, except for the commercial side on Christmas. Putting aside the fact that mum and dad have been estranged for more than 10 years, we didn't really see the necessity to spend lavishly on decor or gifts, but would just rather spend time over good food. But one thing we still do (except for dad since he's Buddhist now), is sing along with Christmas carols! To me, Christmas carols are just instantly heart-warming and triggers a sudden sense of joy, mostly reminiscent of my childhood =)

Not THIS Christmas carol, but I love Jeff Dunham. Hilarious! XD



Usually on Christmas eve, I'd go out to celebrate with my friends. We'd hang out somewhere in town, usually around Gurney or upper Penang road and observe the masses, as people from all ages celebrate the countdown to Christmas. Some would get dressed up in Christmas hats or attire, and you might see some Santarinas around. It would be bloody crowded and things would get messy, especially when the youth get their hands on those pesky spray-on foam that come in cans. We'd usually take cover somewhere, probably in a restaurant when it gets closer to midnite to avoid being showered by foam and then, have graffiti sticking on to you. I'll always remember when countdowns. As soon as it hits Christmas, foam and graffiti hit the air and rain down everywhere. Everyone screams in unison and just goes besserk! It's really fun to watch (from a SAFE distance) and be apart of.

Then a week later, it repeats on New Year's eve celebrations, minus the Christmasy stuff! XD

On Christmas mornings, I'd go to church for Christmas mass with mum and sis, where there would be a rather corny but nevertheless, adorable show about the birth of Christ orchestrated by the Salvation Army's Children's Home's children. It would happen every year without fail, and it's sort of a tradition for my church. After that, we'd usually adjourn for Christmas lunch, usually somewhere rather fancy, and that's about it. Let's face it, Christmas in Malaysia is just like any other day. You don't exactly feel the vibe of festivities, as opposed to the other major holidays like Chinese New Year or Hari Raya. We are greatly toned down as compared to our Western counterparts.

As this year is coming to a close and the new year looms, it sometimes makes me feel kinda nostalgic and reflect on what I've or accomplished this year. Sadly, it wasn't much. A lot of tough times financially and I spent a lot of time battling my own inner demons. I guess I got too caught up in everything to notice the year slipping by so quickly and didn't manage to fully accomplish what I needed to do. I'm NOT gonna say a procrastinating thing like "there's always next year" nor point any fingers. My life is my own responsibility, and if I didn't deliver, I need to buck up. I'm just gonna get my focus back into gear and do what I set out to do. I aim to make my life better, not worse.

Also, I'm a bit torn on where to celebrate New Year's eve this year. Should I just stay in Penang or go party my brains out in KL? XD

This Is Why You're Fat

Got these from thisiswhyyourefat.com.



The Steakinator
2 8oz Prime Angus steaks with braised short rib, cheddar cheese, bacon and a fried egg on a toasted cheese and garlic sourdough bun.



The Meat-Up
Ground Beef, topped with 2 pepperoni logs, stuffed with Cheez Whiz, topped with a layer of bacon, topped with a layer of mozzarella cheese slices, topped with more bacon, topped with meatballs and served with brown gravy.



Deep Fried Chocolate Cake
Battered and deep fried slices of chocolate cake served with whipped cream and chocolate sauce.



Powdered Pancake Donut Surprise
Inspired by the favorite desert of the character, Cartman, on “South Park,” 9 12” pancakes with 2 sticks of butter, 1 cup of chocolate syrup and 1 cup of maple syrup between each layer, all topped with powdered donuts and powdered sugar.



Triflebetes
A trifle dessert whose layers from top to bottom include: sugar crystals, cotton candy, Butterfinger pieces, melted Caramels, Twinkies, peanut butter mousse, Rice Krispy treats, chocolate syrup, melted candy bar, peppermint cookies, Girl Scout Thin Mints, white chocolate pudding, Crème Horns, melted butterscotch and Brownies.



El Niño
Ground beef, sauteed onions, sour cream, lettuce, tomato and cheddar cheese wrapped in a large pepperoni pizza, totaling three pounds.



The Sex Panther
Breaded schnitzel, bacon, cheese, ham and steak in a hollowed out bun.



The Fat Bastard Burger
Burger with triple beef, triple bacon, triple cheese and caramelized onions.



Max Brenner’s Chocolate Pizza
Pizza topped with double melted chocolate chunks, melted marshmallows and candied hazelnut crunch bits.



The Big Fat Ugly
A sandwich filled with four cheeseburgers, a double cheesesteak, a chicken cheesesteak, gyro meat, grilled chicken, bacon, sausage, mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers, chicken nuggets, mac n’ cheese bites, fried mushrooms, jalapeño poppers, pizza bites, onion rings, hash browns, American cheese, mayo, and ketchup on two rolls.



Double Bypass Burger
A burger topped with five slices of bacon, four slices of cheese, two fried eggs, mayo, lettuce, tomato, and onion between two grilled cheese sandwiches.



Ultimate Biscuits
Three biscuits topped with ham, pork sausage, bacon, cheese, two over easy eggs, and gravy.



The 30,000 Calorie Sandwich
Sandwich filled with ground beef, bacon, corn dogs, ham, pastrami, roast beef, bratwurst, braunschweiger and turkey, topped with fried mushrooms, onion rings, swiss/provolone/cheddar/feta/parmesan cheeses, lettuce and butter on a loaf white bread.

And these are just a fraction of the pics, loads more at thisiswhyyourefat.com. Seriously, why would people even come up with these stuff? Everything is mostly heavily deep-fried, loaded with appalling amounts of processed carbs, sugar, fat and sodium. Not to mention the portion sizes are ludicrously huge. Caloric content would be through the roof and each would probably contain enough calories to kill a baby elephant. And most of them don't even look edible to me. In fact, most, if not all of them look REALLY disgusting. Looking these absurd 'franken foods', I can't help but think that they are inspired by mindless, irresponsible gluttony.

No wonder the world is eating itself to death...

Chikus

Yes, Chikus is the term my good friends used to describe the type of guys I 'supposedly' like or am drawn to, which is the CYTs (Cute Young Things). I don't necessary wanna adhere to that coz I wanna keep my options open mah. Let's see from the trend this year...

Hmmm...it first started with Bobo (19) late last year, then there was L (21), Terry (21), ES (20) and YZ (20). Oh shit, it COULD a bit true. But, if life hands me those, then I gotta try to accept right? =P

In my defense, my 1st ex was 3 years older than me, k? And now that I'm 29 d, it's harder to find guys older than me, k? So must find younger than me lo. I've been hoping to find someone around my age, but life wants me to have the CYTs, not my fault mah =P

Sooo, if you hear me dating someone below 23 25, don't judge me XD

Sooo, I shall further indulge search. I might start playing the field a bit, feeling a tad lonely nowadays. Maybe coz end of the year approaching? Or my T hormones are acting up again?

Tired, Tired

Ugh, I need a life. Lately I feel as if I'm so lazy to do anything sometimes, even go out. I've been analyzing what's been going on and it's my erratic late nights that are really screwing me up. I've been so tired sometimes, that even the thought of doing something feels tiring. My colleague have commented that my eye bags are getting darker and bigger. Zits are multiplying again. I feel de-motivated and emo more often.

First of all, I seriously need to spend time some time OFF my PC. I wasn't this obsessed since I started WOW'ing. The gamer in me is kinda messing up my life. Gotta get more shut eye coz lack of sleep is messing up everything, from my thoughts to my emotions and my life. I'm spending less time doing things I oughta do and more time gluing my eyes to the screen killing monsters, people and completing quests. Gotta remind myself there's a life out there too, and the brain needs to shut down more often. I'll always have a love for gaming, reminds me of the good ol' days. Bad thing is, I go VERY overboard, putting everything aside to satisfy the gamer's lust. Like everything else I preach, I need to do it in moderation. More importantly, allow myself to rest more.

Secondly, I'm working out a little too hard lately. My body feels like breaking down sometimes. Instead of feeling better, I feel like crap sometimes, which is bad coz it might be indicative of onset over-training, however mild it might be. Need to rest more and de-load on my weight-training. Striving to make better progress is one thing, but breaking down your body too often while it can't recover won't get me nowhere neither. I need to remind myself that more is NOT always better and start listening to my body more often. I used to be alright, but I think I've crossed the fine line between dedicated and obsession, which is unhealthy. I need to remind myself that too much can cause me to move 2 step backwards, instead of 1 step forward.

This is all really self-inflicted stress, as if what I get from work and daily life isn't enough already. I'm getting really fed-up and frustrated of being perpetually tired, from lack of sleep and added stress from working out too much, which are both physically and psychologically unhealthy for someone as young as I am. Sleeping late has always been a weakness of mine. I've always adored the night and not a morning person, but that has to change. I need to go on a 'wake' diet and tone down my workouts. Hopefully I'll be able to bounce back in a week or 2...