Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Only In Bolehland!

Some photos I find really amusing from an email I got a few weeks ago. ENJOY! XD

You SHALL NOT PASS...on my left and right!

Aside from keeping your kids clean, Drypers really provide comfort and relief!

Human size limitations...or what comes out of a human?

I have nothing to say about this except POOR kid! WTF were his parents thinking?

Shopping cart = place your stuff as you shop + portable children's bed.

Efficiency at it's best? Decide what to order while you pee or poo!

Portable hammock or poor man's version of luxury vehicle?

No no, my fishes are FRESH and ALIVE. They just like to play dead!

Hua lan, can't think of a better example of 'I couldn't care less' attitude. LOL!

Another example...either the owner couldn't care less or doesn't wanna put in effort to correctly place it. I have a feeling it's the former...

Direct translation = fail!

Seriously, can we DO this? If we can, I wanna get one for my Wira...

Seller trying to dry his chickens or a voodoo/black magic spell to ward of evil or bad luck? I can't tell...

Vandals = 1, Police = 0


Sunday, March 29, 2009

How Far I've Come!

Here's the current me. I'm NOWHERE near as hot as a model, so please LOWER your expectations by a couple of miles! I'm posting this as a testament of how far I've come over the years. I've gone from skinny to FAT to skinny fat to NOW. I've been scrambling for some old photos of myself when I was fat. I could only find a couple of actual printed photographs (taken before digital cameras became a norm). I need to go get them scanned so that I can upload them here. Well, in case none of you believe me that I was an elephant once.

Back to the present, these were taken last Thursday (26th May 09) with the help (and much giggling) of my younger sister from my humble little room next door. We took them right after I came back home from the gym.

Front 1

Front 2 (with flash)


If a former lazy fat ass who WAS constantly depressed, insecure and suffering from low self esteem can do it, ANYONE CAN!

In my last post, I mentioned that I'm starting a new and more intense workout program. So, these will be my 'before' photos. I hope I will get good results because I'm planning to post them here on a monthly basis. By doing that, I'm creating more accountability, motivation and encouragement for myself to push on. Wish me luck!

PS: Yes, I know my hair sucks so I got a new haircut today!

PPS: I need a tan...but haven't tried it before. Any tips?

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

New Training Program, New Motivation!

Well, I only meant PHYSICALLY. I've enlisted the help of my gym instructor, who is a retired bodybuilder and a common judge for local bodybuilding competitions in Penang and KL (I think). I found my training becoming mundane and stagnant lately. On top of that, I was lacking motivation. Doing almost the same thing every week gets old fast. I needed something fresh and new. It would be exciting to see what new training tricks and tips I would learn and see how the training affects my body. It's much more intensive than what I do on a weekly basis, consisting 4-5 days of split training focusing on each body part per week. Basically, it's a higher volume training with more concentration and intensity on each body part. I'm going moderately heavy with higher reps, a combination that saps the HELL out of me currently. It's probably because my muscles are not used to such high volume and intense workouts yet, and need more time to develop endurance and growth. Bye bye to full/total body training for now. Hello, SPLITS!

Aside from the new training stimulus, I needed motivation. I seriously missed the time when I had my very first personal training by a brilliant and dedicated gym instructor when I first started out lifting weights in my last year of Uni. Till this day, I'm SO glad I made that first step to approach him for personal training after the first fitness club meeting that evening. He was ALWAYS there to motivate me, grind my ass (NOT literally!) at the gym and push me beyond my limits. He MADE me believe in myself and that I could do SO MUCH more, and I DID! Every step of the way, for those 2 short months, I made great progress losing fat, gaining muscle, gaining strength and acquiring more motivation to work out. A lot of the uni gym patrons were very surprised at my progress, needless to say. By constantly busting my ass, I exceeded his expectations, AND my own. In terms of training, I have the determination, discipline and tenacity it takes. For those 2 months, ESPECIALLY in the beginning, working out was excruciating to say the least. But consciously, or subconsciously, I recognized the NEED for such training to improve myself physically. SO, I stuck to it and NEVER, EVER missed a SINGLE session, 6 DAYS A WEEK FOR 2 WHOLE MONTHS!

Back to the present, I've asked for my current instructor's help partly due to motivation. Besides teaching me new things, it's GREAT to have someone telling how much you've improved. It's awesome to have someone continuously pushing you to break past your limits. Sometimes, it's not entirely our fault, we just needed a little nudge to help us break through and go further. I'm not sure how long this will last, but I'm hoping to learn new things from it and continue improving physically. It's only been 2 consecutive days so far, and my EVERYTHING hurts right now.

My routine for the coming weeks will be something like this:


Sharing with you a quote that I hold dear, because I really believe it to be truein my experience:

The pain for change is only bearable, when the pain of staying the same becomes unbearable.

Hours upon hours of blood, sweat and tears, because I never wanted to stay the same =)


Monday, March 23, 2009

A Story of Faith

I would like to share with you an amazing story that I just discovered last week. To me, it was miraculous, heartfelt and good soup for the soul. I think you'd feel the same way too, especially after you've seen her. It's about a dog. A dog named Faith.

She was born on Christmas Eve in 2002 with 2 healthy hind legs and an abnormal front leg which needed to be amputated. She couldn't walk on all fours like a normal dog. Even her own mother wanted to smother her after she was born. But, along came the Stringfellows who rescued her when she was only 3 weeks old and took her in, nurtured her and gave her all that she needed. Even the vet that they took her to wanted to put her to sleep due to her deformity, which will never allow her to survive, since she couldn't walk on all fours like a normal dog. To survive, she would have to do something incredible, and with the help of her new family, she did.

She learned to walk on ONLY two legs. That's when they decided to name her Faith. I don't think there could be a better name for her.

Since she was discovered, she has touched and inspired many lives. Everywhere she goes, she never fails to amaze and everyone absolutely loves her.

She was even featured on Oprah.

The reason she's so inspiring and adored, is not just because she's special or unique, but because she represents hope. She personifies what faith can do, in the toughest weather and the bleakest circumstances. She was borne with the smallest chance of survival, but with some care, love and faith, this little dog rose from adversity to triumph and live till today. Tell me, how different is her life from ours? All of us are not born into the best of circumstances, but that doesn't mean that it should be that way throughout our lives. We CANNOT choose where we start, but we CAN choose what to do in our journey till the end. The darkest hour might blind you from it, but no matter how small it is, the flickering flame of hope is always there and it never dies. Have faith, be positive and be strong. Hope is always there, take it from Faith =)

PS: Here's Faith's official website.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Bleak Times

HR has dropped a bombshell in an abrupt meeting today. VSS (Voluntary Separation Scheme) has been implemented to reduce workforce as part of the cost reduction program, and it's up to us to choose whether to apply or not. For the program, employees are encouraged to apply and will be required to leave the job in less than a month with proper monetary compensation. The reimbursement actually doesn't seem too bad, pretty standard by what MNCs tend to offer, according to a reliable source. However, the current economic and employment state are gradually sucked in by the maelstrom of the plunging global economy.

Unemployment is running rampant worldwide, with companies retrenching left and right. Fresh graduates seeking to enter the job field this year will face an intense uphill battle to secure a job. Other cost cutting measures such as hiring freeze (means no new hiring until further notice), reducing/eliminating traveling expenses, no bonuses or profit sharing, zero increment, no promotions and minor/severe paycuts are heard of everywhere. If you think that you are safe, it's only a matter of time before something like this happens to you or your workplace. I'm not trying to scare anyone, but it's the truth. What's scarier is that things are predicted to take a turn for the worse after April this year. If you think it's really bad NOW, wait a coupla more months. More retrenchment and companies shutting down or moving out are predicted to follow suit.

Seriously, the current severe economic slowdown hinges on the US economy. Anything good or bad happens to the US economy will trigger a butterfly effect that would ultimately affect other regions worldwide. It's like dropping a stone into still waters, you can see how the ripples spread out and disrupt the calmness of its surroundings. Governments and companies are acknowledging and taking drastic measures to save themselves in the upcoming economic DEPRESSION. Even now, companies, businesses and even governments (think Iceland) have gone down under, declaring bankruptcy as they owe huge amount of debts, incurred large losses and are no longer able to sustain themselves. It is inevitable, and I don't have to be an economist to say that. Just look at everything that's happening around you. Look at what you read in the news. Listen to what's happening to employees everywhere. Chances are you will know AT LEAST ONE person who's hit badly by the economic slowdown. The imminent economic depression will be a tsunami that is far more overwhelming, and from the current circumstances, we are definitely gradually building towards that.

Back to the VSS, I won't be taking it. Although the reimbursement will be able to last me about 6-7 months, I haven't secured another job and there is NO guarantee that I can even get a job at the end of this year. Yes, it's THAT grim. Even if I DO secure another job now, there is still minimal job security. I might be subjected to the 'last to enter, first to leave' mentality most companies have right now. Why retain the new guy who has to learn and train himself up for the job, when you already have people who can do it? So now, I will just wait until they force us to leave via VSS this year, assuming that they will do it if insufficent people are applying for the current VSS to justify for the cost reduction planned. It is highly probable that the reimbursement plan would still be the same. I will play the waiting game and do my job as normal. It'll be a LONG time before we crawl out of this economic shithole, and it just keeps getting deeper. Until then, the increasingly bleak economic times will continue to reel its ugly head and continue to ensnare its unsuspecting or ignorant victims.

To lighten up, here's a old joke among economists that states:

A recession is when your neighbor loses his job.

A depression is when you lose your job.

Monday, March 16, 2009

A Changed Person

After getting the results of the freakishly accurate personality test, I went online to check out some self-help articles/websites how to deal with my self-esteem issues. I wanted to feel more confident. I wanted to learn to love myself. I wanted to stop occasionally beating myself up, being constantly insecure and going to that dark, bleak place within when I felt inferior. I wanted all this to STOP! I guess I've reached a breaking point, not because I was having a nervous breakdown or anything like that, but because I believe and somehow felt that this was another pivotal point in my life. This was a point in my life when something would change, and often for the better. This point was similar to what I experienced before I ultimately decided and took action to change myself physically, from being to fat person to a gym bunny (my dear friends, STOP laughing). Except this time, the change would come from within.

Since my outward improvement years ago, I only focused mainly on my physical self, but I had neglected tending to my emotional well-being. I just figured that if I changed myself physically, I would automatically change emotionally as well. Part of it did improve, but the root of the problem still remained. Silently, I was still experiencing a lack of self-esteem and feelings of low self worth at times. SO, I was wrong. Being overweight was only part of the problem, but it wasn't the ROOT of the problem. The root of the problem was low self-esteem and a lack of self-belief, which mostly probably stems from my teenage years, and it was probably one of the reasons I became overweight in the first place. I didn't like myself, felt I wasn't worth it, felt empty and used food as a source of comfort. Even after I've fixed my overweight problem, I still wasn't feeling like a million bucks, and sometimes I kept wondering why.

During my short 'research' last week, I found some inspiring articles and compeling stories that truly helped me see myself differently and develop a more perspective. I realized that my focus was too narrow and I wasn't seeing the bigger picture here. My focus was mostly physical/external, and I failed to fully acknowledge my inner self. I failed to see myself as a whole person, and when I did, I FELT LIKE A CHANGED PERSON! I have a GREAT personality. I have GOOD attitude and character. There was NO reason why I should feel inferior, depressed with myself or feel unworthy in the first place! Sure, my inner self may not be perfect, but I can choose to live or deal with it. Apart from how we look, it's our inner self and flaws that make each of us so endearingly unique and different from each other.

I've often wondered how certain people could feel so positive, confident and love themselves so much, despite their appearance or weight. Then, I realized that all those people had great personality and character to begin with. They were some of the best people to be around with and have as friends. Have you ever met someone that you weren't interested with at first, but later on felt attracted to them, sometimes even inexplicably and you can't put your finger on it? I know I have. One of the few things that I've realized lately, was that your inner self can shine and make certain aspects of your outward appearance more appealing. Even certain aspects of your personality, attitude or character can exude an appeal for yourself. After thinking about it, this was so true that I feel like kicking myself for not realizing it sooner.

The 'eureka' moment, epiphany, revelation or whatever you might call it, was the realization and acknowledgment of my inner self. The root of my problem wasn't my physical appearance, it was how I viewed myself. After seeing myself as a whole person, I wasn't so bad after all. In fact, I have A LOT going on for me and I'm a GREAT person! In the past, I've avoided dealing with my emotional issues and thought that it would fix itself. But now, I've finally accepted myself, both good and bad, and it feels like the dark cloud plaguing me has been lifted. I may want to look my best, but it should not be the only basis on how I judged myself. I should see and judge myself as a complete and whole person, with good physical, emotional and mental health. I shouldn't care too much what others think, coz this is the way I am and I love it!

I'm not rich, drop dead gorgeous or a genius, but I'm a good and beautiful person, and I'm definitely WORTH IT!

Monday, March 9, 2009

My Personality Test

I stumbled upon link for a personality test from Ced's note in Facebook. It was supposed to be a personality test but the questions asked were weird and had nothing to do with my personality. Instead, it was all imagination-based. However, it completely struck me that my results were almost completely accurate, so I've decided to post them here:

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties. (100% true. And it's not just me saying it. I don't like to project myself as someone snobbish or arrogant. Being down-to-earth and friendly is my thing. No matter how bloody good you think you are, there will ALWAYS be someone better than you. Why bother acting like you're the best and showing off until everyone hates you? As for the argument thing, it's important to take in information from both sides before coming up with an informed decision or solution)

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes. (True, attractive but shallow and dumb, not my thing. You need to have a brain so that I have someone to talk to on the same level. To add to that, irresponsibility turns me off too)

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship. (Despite my last 2 hasty relationships, this IS true. I have trouble getting into relationships because I would sometimes hold out until I really got to know that person well enough and decide if I want to be with him)

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates. (I know I'm sensible, but I don't think this lands me with lotsa dates...)

Your views on education:
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own. (50% true. To me, education is first and foremost one of the most important things in life. It start you off well, can make you into a better person and increases your prospects for advancement in the future. Yes, when I was studying, I DID want to start working fast, earn on my own and live on my own, but I had to wait until I finished Uni, not just drop out to work)

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life. (100% true. I'm insecure if there is no consistency in income. I also don't want to be stuck with a job that I hate for the rest of my life. My current job is fine, don't love it or hate it. However, I get to learn a lot from it. Of course, I will want to advance in the future as well)

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying. (Not so sure about this. I have my ups and downs. But, if I'm dead set on achieving something, I will charge like a bull to make sure it's done. Bad thing is, people will say I'm being very stubborn if they don't agree with what I do)

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear. (Sadly, this is 100% true. I admit that I'm incredibly self-conscious, despite the fact that I've improved tremendously, both physically, mentally and emotionally, since my FAT days. But I have my own inner demons to confront, namely remnants of my low self-esteem and self-loathing from the past. Everyone says I look fine or look good, but I still have some trouble believing in myself and the positive comments that I receive. I guess all those past years of putting myself down and feeling depressed are still hounding me. A friend of mine once told me that if you think or say too many negative things about yourself often enough, even if they were NOT true, you'd end up believing in them. I'm slowly working to reverse it, help me out ya. I need to learn to appreciate, love and be happy with myself. Recently, I've gradually come to realize that it's my self-esteem and self-belief that I have to improve, not just my physical self or outlook. Admitting that I have this problem will be the first step to solving it, but it WON'T be easy. Years of self-bashing doesn't just go away in a few months, it takes time. Thanks to all my friends and readers for your kind support and positive comments in the past)

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve. (I'd like to say it's 100% true for the mature, reasonable and honest part, not sure about the rest. I'll leave it to those of you who know me personally, or who've read enough about me in this blog to judge. However, I do admit that I can be easily emotionally-driven sometimes)

There you have it. Now, do you think you know me better? Who knew a such simple personality test could draw so much out of me. Funny how a buncha irrelevant questions could reveal so much about me. Must be some psychological link between those imaginative questions and the human personality, eh? =P

Sunday, March 8, 2009

The Climb

Yesterday, as I was listening to the Rick Dee's Weekly Top 40 on Hitz, it featured a new single from Mylie Cyrus called The Climb. This single is scheduled to be the soundtrack of the upcoming Hannah Montana: The Movie. Here are the music video and lyrics:

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna want to make it move
Always going to be an up-hill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna want to make it move
Always going to be an up-hill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

I find this song very inspiring and true. The lyrics perfectly describe our daily struggles to achieve what we want in life, be it career, money, fitness etc. Life is an uphill battle most of the time, but we have to always keep pushing on. Sometimes, we win. Sometimes, we lose. We can take a thousand steps, but sometimes each step is plagued with obstacles and doubts of whether we're going in the right direction or if we'll ever get there. Life can knock us down and we can lose faith along the way, but we need to keep getting up and continue moving forward. Sometimes each step can seem like forever, just keep going and stop listening to the voice in your head telling you that you will never get there.

Sometimes, it's not about the destination or how fast we get there, but it's what we do to get there that truly matters the most. How we perpetually struggle to keep ourselves up and going , no matter how many times we get knocked down, is what makes us stronger. It's about the climb =)

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Just Screw It!

Despite my best efforts, I suck in relationships or trying to get into one, I'll give you that. Admittedly, two of my biggest mistakes was jumping into it too fast AND approaching someone at the wrong time/place. That's fine, I know I fucked up. I'm trying to amend my ways and I'm trying to do better. A few of my good friends have come up to me pointing out the error of my ways. Yes, I appreciate that. But, it does get frustrating when everything you do seems to be wrong, even those you think are the most sensible and right thing to do. It makes me feel lost and confused every time I decide to do something, for fear for fucking up again. Yeah lah, if people keep saying everything also wrong, then what have I done right?

Maybe I should just take more hits to my face and wise up. Maybe I should just lower my expectations. Maybe I should go fine the latest edition of 'Relationship for Dummies'. I don't know. Maybe I won't find that special someone in this life. From what everyone keeps telling me, I keep fucking up. It's very de-motivating and depressing.

I go out and find; wrong. I sit and wait and do nothing; wrong. I put effort into the person that I like; ALSO wrong! Everything is wrong, so what is right? It seems as if finding that special someone and getting into a good relationship is as likely as winning the lottery in my lifetime, an impossible feat. A one in few million chance, bad odds if you ask me. Like most say, if it's yours, then it's yours.

But WAIT, why do I have to fucking bother about it so much? It's not as if I would die if I were single. So screw it! I'm sick and tired of being wrong all the time. If love doesn't wanna find me, then fuck you! I have other BETTER things to do with my life. I still have me, myself and I. I don't deserve this shit. I should just focus on making my life better instead of whining about this crap. I don't care if I'm single or attached anymore. It's just making my life complicated. Yes, it would seem like I'm giving up, and I won't lie saying it isn't partially true, but I am just really fed up with this.

I try and try and try, but it just ends up biting my in the ass one way or the other, regardless whether I did things wrongly or not. I might as well focus my efforts on other aspects in my life that matters more and enjoy myself instead. A lot of frustrating things have popped up in my life lately, and I don't need anymore to add to it. To reiterate, if love comes my way, I'll think about it. If not, then screw you coz I don't want to fucking care about this shit anymore! I'd rather be by myself...

PS: This is my first ranting post with the F word in it. I'm sorry, but I really needed to get this out of my head! Feels good after letting it out.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Right Round, Right Round!

OMFG, I'm so loving this song at the moment! Such a PERFECT song for booty shakin' while clubbing XD

Must....resist...urge....to...spin..my...head...right round...right round...

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Do I Find It Or Let It Find Me?

A good friend of mine recently commented here that I shouldn't go out looking for love, but instead just let it find me. Let's face it, I'm not getting any younger (just turned 28 in November last year). He's almost a decade younger than I am, and definitely much better looking. He's young, attractive and can afford to choose whoever he wants. He CAN afford to wait. I don't have that luxury. When I was younger, I used to think that I just needed to wait for love to come sweep me off my feet, until I became a pimple-faced fatso in my late teens right up to my early adulthood, before I changed myself. Right now, unlike him, I don't have the age appeal and I never had an attractive outlook to begin with.

So, being older with very little physical appeal, I think it's logical that I HAVE to be the one looking, not waiting. Besides, what if I waited my whole and nothing ever happens? I don't wanna live out my life and later wonder what could have been if I had put more effort and did things differently. On the other hand, trying too hard sometimes will only succeed in making you look desperate. I tell myself to just go with the flow occasionally, but I get tired of it when the flow takes me nowhere. It's one thing to sit and wait for something to happen, it's another to go out and try to make it happen.

I know this doesn't really apply when it comes to the love game, but I can at least try. Even if I never find it, as disappointing as it would be, at least I know that I did something about it and not just sit around waiting for the stars to fall at my feet. Believe me, I'd really love to kick back, relax and just wait and wait and wait for the right person to come by. But, I don't have the luxury of appeal nor the luck in love that you have for that to happen.

What about you? Do you think that we should go out and find what we want, or just leave it for fate to decide?