Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Life On A Standstill

Life seems like a race lately and I barely get any time for myself. I seem to have a lot on my mind and sometimes, I just feel trapped or suffocated. One thing occurred to me though. I realized one of the reasons my social life is in a bit of a slump is because I don't have access to the internet at work. It just dawned on me how much time I spent on the internet during working hours to update myself, blog and connect with people online, provided of course I had nothing urgent going on or lots of work piling. Facebook was an integral part of my day. It was the next thing I opened after my email. I would normally update my blog at work as well, and constantly updated myself surfing Google, Youtube etc.

I haven't really been going out much as well. I really miss those fun outings and crazy times we had. I miss going to KL just to get away from it all and unwind. I miss my friends in KL, hanging out and going clubbing occasionally. It's not that I don't really have the time, but I really need to conserve my coffers and my new company it a little more hectic and restrictive when it comes to taking days off. I guess the big difference is that I have a lot more financial commitments since last year. I've become more of a miser when it comes to spending, something which I don't really condone since I don't like to feel restricted. I'm really working on overcoming this issue and I can only hope for the best at this point.

Life has been pretty quiet and drab, something that I really dislike. I hate to say it but since a lot my friends left, it hasn't been the same. I miss you guys bucket-loads, you know who you are :)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

You Are Perfect To Me

At a time when I felt incredibly vulnerable, sad and awash with doubt; at a time when I felt unworthy and so unsure of myself, this song played on my car radio as I drove home in despair many nights ago.

I hadn't noticed at first, with my mind in a race of thoughts, but the words eventually caught my attention. It was just the right moment, with the right message and the just right words that I needed to hear. It was so miraculous, or at least it felt that way to me. There was no one else around, just me alone in the car. It was as if You were listening to my heart, and knew exactly what to say. You may call it coincidence if you want, but I believe that that song was meant for me.

I burst into tears as I drove back. I just let it all out. Both touched and utterly grateful for that song, I just want to share it with all of you.

If you're feeling down, unworthy or terribly discouraged with yourself, this is the song for you =)

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

It's Just One Of Those Times...

Sometimes, life seems to move at light speed, and I begin to lose sight of things.

Sometimes, life seems to be such a heaving struggle, I begin to tire at every possibility of action and just wanna lay down in inaction.

Sometimes, life seems so fatiguing, that my mind ceases to perceive and becomes a huge, jumbled blur.

Sometimes, I just lose sight of my direction, hoping that there will be a flicker of light in the distance to guide you back to the longing road.

Sometimes, I don't even know what I want, and the resulting frustration just steers me into more indecision.

Sometimes, I wonder if things will ever get better, clinging furiously in the dark, hoping to hold to climb back up where there will be light again.

Sometimes, I wonder if most of what's going on in my life is self-inflicted, and my mind sneers trying to stifle a knowing giggle.

Sometimes, I wonder if I will implode with all this confusion, but I still live to wonder about that another day.

Sometimes, I vehemently try to pry open the forbidden veils of the future in my mind and take a spy, only to find it concealed in a thick fog.

Sometimes, I wonder if I will really be able to get back on track, and reach the dreams that I've laid out at the end.

Sometimes, I feel so lost, as if my mind's compass is spinning wildly in the magnetic field of the burdens that still await.

Sometimes, I just wanna let it all go, and feel the joy and peace again.

God, please light the way for me.