It was already raining so heavily here when I woke up this morning Gazing outside the window, it was a cold, dark and wet morning. And I went ahead to have a cold shower. Seriously, ever since the water heater died on me several weeks ago, it's been cold water every morning after the night of sleeping in air-cond. I no longer get any shivers, maybe a little shrinkage (you know what I mean). It seems that my body has adapted to the sudden rush of icy cold water on my goose-bumped naked skin.
I love water and it's definitely one of my favorite elements. I love how it cools, cleans, refreshes and purifies everything it touches. I don't really care much if there were no electricity, but if there were no water, I'd get so annoyed it's not even funny. I can't stand not bathing for a day. I can't stand not being able to clean myself whenever I want to. I can't stand being hot, sweaty sticky and dirty. Imagine if I cannot shower after gym! I'd probably murder myself with a teaspoon and maybe even everyone around me from the smell. Unless of course, if you're into hot, sweaty guys *wink wink*
I love the rain. I adore how it cools, cleans and refreshes the air. Trust me, the haze going full blast here nowadays, sometimes SO bad that I can't see the mainland or island when I'm traveling on the bridge, it's like I'm driving into oblivion. SO, every bit of rain REALLY helps to clear the air. I don't mind getting wet in the rain. Sometimes when no one is around, I close my eyes, face upwards and with open arms, I embrace it as each drop falls on me. I can't stand bloody hot and sweaty afternoons, and it can get very HOT here in Penang. Sure, the rain can be a little inconvenient at times, but I think that the benefits far outweigh any inconvenience. Well, unless maybe if your house is swept away by a sudden flash flood or the canopy topples from the weight of the water during your wedding sweeping away your guests (happens you know!), then the rain would be a bitch. An ideal day for me would be a rainy afternoon, followed by a cool refreshing night after the rain stops in the evening. I definitely prefer being in the cold than heat, and it's better for my skin too.
I also happen to think kissing in the rain is very romantic. Sometimes I'd imagine both of us (me and my future BF, whoever he is) standing in the rain, and suddenly our eyes would meet. In our unmoving gaze, we begin draw closer as the innumerable cold drops of rain continue to soak us from head to toe. Our lips gradually meet in a kiss, passionately warm in the midst of the cool caressing breeze all around us. The slightly chilling wind draw us closer to each other, tightly holding each other in our arms to share the heat that is already building within. Our passionate lip lock begins to intensify, as drop of rains trickles down between our faces and escape into our lips. Lightning suddenly flashes and thunder booms through the night, as if signifying the ignited heat of passion in the cold rain. *swoons*
Gosh, that would just so.....*speechless and stares into space*
PS: Damn, I think I need to get laid.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Winds of Change
Sorry for the lack of updates this week. Been busy up my ass at work and this will last throughout September. Been noticing some changes in my life and myself lately too, aside from the fact that I'm going to make a career move to SG.
For starters, I've been getting some attention from guys lately. Some have been asking around about me and I've gone on a date or 2 but nothing much. It's just something that I've noticed and I guess I do have some appeal. I'm starting to care less about my zits. It's not something that I can fully control anyways, why bother too much about it? I guess being noticed and getting some attention is giving me a minor boost in self-esteem. Sometimes I do feel down about them, but those episodes are getting less frequent. I seem to have developed a better and more positive outlook about my appearance, which is a good thing.
Physically, I've noticed that my shoulders have grown broader. My chest and arms are slightly larger while I'm getting leaner. It's either they've grown bigger or appear bigger as I become leaner. Either way, I'm pleased with it. My weight has been fluctuating between 73-74 kilos so it's a good thing too. I've been working out for a few years now, and I've come to notice that my body encounters a period of stagnancy, where there are almost no results. Then suddenly, everything comes all at once. I can faintly, but clearly see a six-pack, especially in the morning when water retention is at it's minimum. Compliments from friends and gym members are defintiely encouraging =)
Regarding myself, I'm striving to break out of rigidity and routine. Being too restricted by plans, self-made rules or restrictions and habits can be very stifling. After all, life doesn't always go according to plan and you might not find everything in your favor in a perfect day. So, the best way is to be more flexible and go with the flow. It feels very liberating and you don't feel the pressure of total obedience or guilt. I'm finally breaking the bad habit of being late, as Zemien can attest to. I still need to break bad habit of poor sleeping habits though. I have to admit, it's the hardest break since I'm a night owl for as long as I can remember.
Sorry I don't have any interesting updates. Let's see if life picks up in future.
For starters, I've been getting some attention from guys lately. Some have been asking around about me and I've gone on a date or 2 but nothing much. It's just something that I've noticed and I guess I do have some appeal. I'm starting to care less about my zits. It's not something that I can fully control anyways, why bother too much about it? I guess being noticed and getting some attention is giving me a minor boost in self-esteem. Sometimes I do feel down about them, but those episodes are getting less frequent. I seem to have developed a better and more positive outlook about my appearance, which is a good thing.
Physically, I've noticed that my shoulders have grown broader. My chest and arms are slightly larger while I'm getting leaner. It's either they've grown bigger or appear bigger as I become leaner. Either way, I'm pleased with it. My weight has been fluctuating between 73-74 kilos so it's a good thing too. I've been working out for a few years now, and I've come to notice that my body encounters a period of stagnancy, where there are almost no results. Then suddenly, everything comes all at once. I can faintly, but clearly see a six-pack, especially in the morning when water retention is at it's minimum. Compliments from friends and gym members are defintiely encouraging =)
Regarding myself, I'm striving to break out of rigidity and routine. Being too restricted by plans, self-made rules or restrictions and habits can be very stifling. After all, life doesn't always go according to plan and you might not find everything in your favor in a perfect day. So, the best way is to be more flexible and go with the flow. It feels very liberating and you don't feel the pressure of total obedience or guilt. I'm finally breaking the bad habit of being late, as Zemien can attest to. I still need to break bad habit of poor sleeping habits though. I have to admit, it's the hardest break since I'm a night owl for as long as I can remember.
Sorry I don't have any interesting updates. Let's see if life picks up in future.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Sick Pig Virus, Ninjas and Freedom
The sick pig virus (H1N1 lah!) is getting increasingly wide-spread lately. More and more cases are reported daily from across the world and no one is spared. Seriously, H1N1 is the most contagious epidemic ever to hit us. It spread so alarmingly fast across continents beyond anything scientists had ever seen, even more so than SARS. As a result, ninjas (people wearing face masks) began appearing everywhere. So much so that I'm feeling left out for not becoming a ninja myself. You know lah, I'm kinda a hypochondriac -_-"
Last Monday, I met a fellow PLU blogger Freedom09 (keeping his anonymity) from Kuching, along with my good friend Zemien who've just returned from Beijing. He was visiting Penang briefly with his family and apparently, is Zemien's god bro. What a freakin' small world! Anyhow, we met in Old Town at New World Park and Freedom09 brought along a friend, who's also a PLU in Penang that I happen to know (only met him once). Small small world indeed. Long story short, the four of us played some cards and chatted the night away. To those who wonder, Freedom09 struck me as a funny and witty fella. Wanna know more about him ah? Go kacau him at his blog XD
Last Monday, I met a fellow PLU blogger Freedom09 (keeping his anonymity) from Kuching, along with my good friend Zemien who've just returned from Beijing. He was visiting Penang briefly with his family and apparently, is Zemien's god bro. What a freakin' small world! Anyhow, we met in Old Town at New World Park and Freedom09 brought along a friend, who's also a PLU in Penang that I happen to know (only met him once). Small small world indeed. Long story short, the four of us played some cards and chatted the night away. To those who wonder, Freedom09 struck me as a funny and witty fella. Wanna know more about him ah? Go kacau him at his blog XD
Sunday, August 16, 2009
It's One Of Those Days...
(Bear with me here, I'm in sort of a whiny mood. Feeling particularly down the end of the day)
It's just one of those days, when you can't bear to look at yourself in the mirror. It's one of those days, when you wish you were someone else. It's one of those days when you curse yourself for looking this way. Why am I gay and have such bad skin? Why won't my acne and blemish problems go away? I feel like a toothless tiger. So many times, I just wanna give up. So many times, I just feel like there's no hope and I shouldn't even fucking bother anymore. This is one of those times.
It's one of those days, when I can't help feeling that the reason I'm being rejected most of the time, is because I make a bad first impression physically. It's one of those days, when I feel that my face really does belong under a paper bag. Why can't I be average at best? I'm not asking for much, just hoping that I might look a little better than I am right now. I'm not hoping for much, just that one day I might stop hating looking at myself in the mirror. I know I'm being superficial, but you don't know what it feels like to be me. You don't know what it feels like to avoid looking into mirrors in public places at times. You don't know how it feels like to dread taking pictures of yourself and looking at them at times. This is one of those times.
It's one of those days, when I feel so fugly beyond help. It's one of those days, when you get the heavy, sinking feeling inside when you look at yourself. It's one of those days, when I'm almost 29 but look as if I'm 40.
What can I say? It's just one of those days...
PS: I think that this is one of my most heartfelt post. I'm just writing out whatever I'm feeling right now. I know it'll pass, but I thought I'd pen it down anyways. I usually avoid writing negative posts about myself because I don't wanna paint a picture of myself as a negative person, as it is NOT who I want to be. Nevertheless, it felt good to let it out.
It's just one of those days, when you can't bear to look at yourself in the mirror. It's one of those days, when you wish you were someone else. It's one of those days when you curse yourself for looking this way. Why am I gay and have such bad skin? Why won't my acne and blemish problems go away? I feel like a toothless tiger. So many times, I just wanna give up. So many times, I just feel like there's no hope and I shouldn't even fucking bother anymore. This is one of those times.
It's one of those days, when I can't help feeling that the reason I'm being rejected most of the time, is because I make a bad first impression physically. It's one of those days, when I feel that my face really does belong under a paper bag. Why can't I be average at best? I'm not asking for much, just hoping that I might look a little better than I am right now. I'm not hoping for much, just that one day I might stop hating looking at myself in the mirror. I know I'm being superficial, but you don't know what it feels like to be me. You don't know what it feels like to avoid looking into mirrors in public places at times. You don't know how it feels like to dread taking pictures of yourself and looking at them at times. This is one of those times.
It's one of those days, when I feel so fugly beyond help. It's one of those days, when you get the heavy, sinking feeling inside when you look at yourself. It's one of those days, when I'm almost 29 but look as if I'm 40.
What can I say? It's just one of those days...
PS: I think that this is one of my most heartfelt post. I'm just writing out whatever I'm feeling right now. I know it'll pass, but I thought I'd pen it down anyways. I usually avoid writing negative posts about myself because I don't wanna paint a picture of myself as a negative person, as it is NOT who I want to be. Nevertheless, it felt good to let it out.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Searching For Greener Pastures
Well since the cat's out of the bag among my close colleagues, I won't keep it a secret anymore. I didn't wanna post this earlier because I don't know whom from work might be reading (apparently some folks in production do!). I'm back on a job hunt and this time, I'm targetting SG. I really need to search for something better. I started to do this beginning of the year, but stopped due to the economic plunge, fears of retrenchment (especially if you're new to the company) and hiring freeze by many places. The worst of the storm have passed and it's somewhat calmed a little, so I'm sticking my head out of the sand and taking a peek into the job field again.
My current job feels kinda dead-end and I really don't think there's any hope for a promotion or better increment in the near future. I'm not blaming solely this on the current economy, because I have colleagues who've been here 5 years and have still not been promoted, which pretty much sucks hard! Usually in this company, you'd get a promotion within 2 years if you're average, and a year if you're good. Some of my ex-colleagues in same department left because of this very reason, no good career prospects. Furthermore, my company is a LARGE US MNC, so it's either we've been overlooked or the immediate management in my department doesn't give a rat's ass about it's employees prospects and satisfaction.
Even for myself, being an engineer here for 3 years, only received a measly increment of about RM 400. And this was WAY before the economy hit rock bottom. Don't tell me that it's how my company works, coz I see employees in other departments getting promoted left and right and getting much better increments. So, I guess this just boils down to my department and how WE work. Even my counterpart in China, doing the same job that I'm doing, have gotten at least 2 promotions and better increments annually. So that's it, I'm calling it quits and looking for something better, and Singapore would be a good choice.
The most prominent reason I'm doing this, apart from my so-called dead-end job, is that I want to elevate my financial status. I abhor financial stagnancy and being in the mediocre, average income group forever. One of the better ways to do this would be to work in a country where the currency value is higher. I narrowed it down to SG or AUS initially, but decided on SG as it would be closer to home. Dollar for dollar, I would be paid the same. For example, if I'm paid RM 2500 here (not actual income), I'd also get paid SGD 2500 there. So, I'd get a better deal there for sure. I plan to stay in SG too, as opposed to travelling through the cosway if I stayed in Johor. I'm sick of crossing the bridge every day and I've heard that the traffic jams on the cosway is worse. Rent would be the only thing that's expensive. However, Singapore has much better buying power compared to Malaysia, so I'd spend less for more there. Not that I'm a heavy spender, I just spend mostly on food and supplements anyway. Furthermore, the public transport service is incredibly efficient, well-connected and cheap. I'd rather pay a bit more for rent and have more time for myself. Why waste more time?
Secondly, mum would stop working in a few years and I'll be the sole breadwinner of the family. She's getting old, but luckily she's employed by a MNC from US, which doesn't emphasize retirement age policies, so she can actually continue working as long as she wants. However, I don't want her working till she's 60. She should relax and rest more, not continue being the stressed out workaholic that she is. Sis has just started college and if she doesn't do well for her SAM (South Australian Matriculation), she won't be able to get a government loan to proceed and we will need to continue paying for her fees. So, I really need the BOOST in income too prepare for the worst.
Thirdly, I need a CHANGE of location and environment. I've been stuck in Penang for too long and it's getting kinda boring. Don't get me wrong, I love Penang to bits but I'm ready to move on and experience a new place and new things. I'm also excited by the fact that it might be the first trip out of Malaysia (yes, I know it's SAD) and I think SG would be a good place to be in. You know, the excitement of going to a new place for the first time can be pretty motivating. Having said that, I'm still keeping my options open. If I get a good deal elsewhere like Australia or a REALLY good deal locally in Malaysia, I'm still gonna take it.
At this point, my friends would be saying "Wah, go stay in SG. Sure wanna kau a lot of lengzhai already". Honestly, that's not my intention at all. Well, maybe slightly, partially...but that's not the main point here. I've heard some bad things about guys in SG and how they dislike guys from Malaysia, so I'm not optimistic. Well, if I happen to meet someone nice, it'd be a perk XD
My current job feels kinda dead-end and I really don't think there's any hope for a promotion or better increment in the near future. I'm not blaming solely this on the current economy, because I have colleagues who've been here 5 years and have still not been promoted, which pretty much sucks hard! Usually in this company, you'd get a promotion within 2 years if you're average, and a year if you're good. Some of my ex-colleagues in same department left because of this very reason, no good career prospects. Furthermore, my company is a LARGE US MNC, so it's either we've been overlooked or the immediate management in my department doesn't give a rat's ass about it's employees prospects and satisfaction.
Even for myself, being an engineer here for 3 years, only received a measly increment of about RM 400. And this was WAY before the economy hit rock bottom. Don't tell me that it's how my company works, coz I see employees in other departments getting promoted left and right and getting much better increments. So, I guess this just boils down to my department and how WE work. Even my counterpart in China, doing the same job that I'm doing, have gotten at least 2 promotions and better increments annually. So that's it, I'm calling it quits and looking for something better, and Singapore would be a good choice.
The most prominent reason I'm doing this, apart from my so-called dead-end job, is that I want to elevate my financial status. I abhor financial stagnancy and being in the mediocre, average income group forever. One of the better ways to do this would be to work in a country where the currency value is higher. I narrowed it down to SG or AUS initially, but decided on SG as it would be closer to home. Dollar for dollar, I would be paid the same. For example, if I'm paid RM 2500 here (not actual income), I'd also get paid SGD 2500 there. So, I'd get a better deal there for sure. I plan to stay in SG too, as opposed to travelling through the cosway if I stayed in Johor. I'm sick of crossing the bridge every day and I've heard that the traffic jams on the cosway is worse. Rent would be the only thing that's expensive. However, Singapore has much better buying power compared to Malaysia, so I'd spend less for more there. Not that I'm a heavy spender, I just spend mostly on food and supplements anyway. Furthermore, the public transport service is incredibly efficient, well-connected and cheap. I'd rather pay a bit more for rent and have more time for myself. Why waste more time?
Secondly, mum would stop working in a few years and I'll be the sole breadwinner of the family. She's getting old, but luckily she's employed by a MNC from US, which doesn't emphasize retirement age policies, so she can actually continue working as long as she wants. However, I don't want her working till she's 60. She should relax and rest more, not continue being the stressed out workaholic that she is. Sis has just started college and if she doesn't do well for her SAM (South Australian Matriculation), she won't be able to get a government loan to proceed and we will need to continue paying for her fees. So, I really need the BOOST in income too prepare for the worst.
Thirdly, I need a CHANGE of location and environment. I've been stuck in Penang for too long and it's getting kinda boring. Don't get me wrong, I love Penang to bits but I'm ready to move on and experience a new place and new things. I'm also excited by the fact that it might be the first trip out of Malaysia (yes, I know it's SAD) and I think SG would be a good place to be in. You know, the excitement of going to a new place for the first time can be pretty motivating. Having said that, I'm still keeping my options open. If I get a good deal elsewhere like Australia or a REALLY good deal locally in Malaysia, I'm still gonna take it.
At this point, my friends would be saying "Wah, go stay in SG. Sure wanna kau a lot of lengzhai already". Honestly, that's not my intention at all. Well, maybe slightly, partially...but that's not the main point here. I've heard some bad things about guys in SG and how they dislike guys from Malaysia, so I'm not optimistic. Well, if I happen to meet someone nice, it'd be a perk XD
Monday, August 10, 2009
Back To Square One
I met him again last Friday but only briefly. He had just finished gym and was gonna head home before meeting me at Gurney Plaza. We chatted briefly and he was being his usual charming self. I told him that I wanted to go out with him on Saturday but he was unable to confirm but he might be free after 7 pm on that day. So, I told him we could confirm by texting each other before then. As it was getting closer to 7 pm, nothing from him. So, I texted him and still nothing. Sent him a couple more text messages and still nothing.
Well, this time I'm not gonna be naive. I guess he might be pre-occupied with his new job and constant dance classes. Having said that, I've never accepted busy for an answer. How hard can it be to reply messages when you have a smidgen of free time between busy hours? Even before that night, he'd almost never text me at all, unless I did it first. He knows that I like him and his lack of response just shows his response, that he's not interested. I'm not gonna push him aside though, because that's his decision. I've been in a much worse situation before, so I've learnt my lesson of going after someone who doesn't show the slightest interest.
Well, this time I'm not gonna be naive. I guess he might be pre-occupied with his new job and constant dance classes. Having said that, I've never accepted busy for an answer. How hard can it be to reply messages when you have a smidgen of free time between busy hours? Even before that night, he'd almost never text me at all, unless I did it first. He knows that I like him and his lack of response just shows his response, that he's not interested. I'm not gonna push him aside though, because that's his decision. I've been in a much worse situation before, so I've learnt my lesson of going after someone who doesn't show the slightest interest.
Monday, August 3, 2009
After Meeting Him
His name is Terry. Instead of meeting him for the first time on Saturday (25th July), we met on Thursday night itself (23rd July) at Prangin Mall, right after his haircut. As soon as I saw him, it struck me that he looked really familiar. Yes, I had definitely seen him before, maybe during clubbing. We went for a simple dinner and chatted the night away. Then, I brought him to go for some ice-cream. I know how he loves sugar =P
We met for the 2nd time on Saturday, after a gathering with some friends whom I've not seen for a while. They insisted I bring Terry for clubbing at Fame. Momo has closed down, so the PLU crowd has migrated to a new establishment. Overall, Fame is pretty nice, new and spacious, music isn't too bad and the crowd there is kinda divided. You will obviously see the gay and straight side, which reminded me of Cafe that closed down as soon as I returned from completing my studies to Penang (bad luck!). Anyhow, both of us didn't actually plan to go for clubbing and neither of us were dressed for it. We actually wanted to have drinks or something, since it was around 11pm when I picked him up. So, I was sporting some sort of beach wear look, with a singlet, rugged bermuda shorts and sneakers, while he resembled someone who was going to the gym, wearing a dark shirt, dark long exercise pants and also sneakers XD
It was a little boring at first, as the crowd and music hadn't picked up yet. But soon as the night progressed, we found ourselves up on stages dancing and shakin'. He's really flexible and fluid when he dances, exactly like his Youtube videos. Gosh, he can really dance. I guess being a dance instructor's assistant pays off.
Overall, he strikes me as a nice and simplistic person. And yes, I think he's adorable. We still text and talk to each other after that night. I didn't see him last weekend as I was on a FABULOUS trip to KL and he's usually busy during weekdays from his work and dance classes. So, will this just be another friendship or something more? I don't know and I'm keeping my options open.
We met for the 2nd time on Saturday, after a gathering with some friends whom I've not seen for a while. They insisted I bring Terry for clubbing at Fame. Momo has closed down, so the PLU crowd has migrated to a new establishment. Overall, Fame is pretty nice, new and spacious, music isn't too bad and the crowd there is kinda divided. You will obviously see the gay and straight side, which reminded me of Cafe that closed down as soon as I returned from completing my studies to Penang (bad luck!). Anyhow, both of us didn't actually plan to go for clubbing and neither of us were dressed for it. We actually wanted to have drinks or something, since it was around 11pm when I picked him up. So, I was sporting some sort of beach wear look, with a singlet, rugged bermuda shorts and sneakers, while he resembled someone who was going to the gym, wearing a dark shirt, dark long exercise pants and also sneakers XD
It was a little boring at first, as the crowd and music hadn't picked up yet. But soon as the night progressed, we found ourselves up on stages dancing and shakin'. He's really flexible and fluid when he dances, exactly like his Youtube videos. Gosh, he can really dance. I guess being a dance instructor's assistant pays off.
Overall, he strikes me as a nice and simplistic person. And yes, I think he's adorable. We still text and talk to each other after that night. I didn't see him last weekend as I was on a FABULOUS trip to KL and he's usually busy during weekdays from his work and dance classes. So, will this just be another friendship or something more? I don't know and I'm keeping my options open.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)