Thursday, July 23, 2009

Daring To Hope...

When I went online a couple of days ago, I never had any hope of finding much. Just randomly messaging out to anyone I found interesting, I never thought you'd return my reply. It was about a practice dance video that you made with your dance instructor, and I thought that you were good and very fluid. I never thought we'd end up chatting online and then on MSN for more than 2 hours before you wanted to sleep. During that time, I discovered that we have quite few things in common.

But then, you suddenly messaged me on MSN again, and to my surprise, opened up so much to me all of a sudden that we chatted for another hour. I really appreciated your willingness to share. Then, you gave me a short call, and let me hear your voice. It was nice and soft-spoken, with a hint of shyness, which I found charming. It's been 2 days now, and we've been texting each other constantly ever since. I actually did a bit of background check on you, sorry about that but I've had some bad experiences with CYTs (cute young things) before, and I don't wanna re-live them. But it turns out, words spoken about you were all good, and that intrigued me even more =)

I know you told me while we were chatting that you're not into meeting people and rarely do it. And, you also said that you'd see if I was worth meeting. So, I'm looking forward to meeting you in person this Saturday. I know that I shouldn't put too much hope into someone I haven't met yet, but I dared to hope a bit more this time. Having that, I'm having a little insecurity take hold. Will this be different and go a bit further after we've met, or will I just be another friend? Kinda nervous and anxious about seeing you soon...

PS: Mien, I'm not smitten lah! MAYBE just a smidgen...

6 comments:

Freedom09 said...

AWWW! Darn! Another "love is in the air" story! :) Good for ya Mark, all the best! Waiting for your next post about it. :P

Isaac Rizard said...

Mark,

Your insecurity stem from your hope for something more than just friends. I'd say that it doesn't matter if anything goes beyond the frontier of friendship because if it happens, that would be a bonus for you.

I think from your previous relationship experience, there's a need for reality check. I'm not trying to be cruel but sometimes, reality is hard to swallow. The key for happiness is acceptance for who we are and when we're happy, it doesn't matter what other people say about us anymore. It is our happiness and it is our own life. Of course, we're not Mother Theresa or Princess Diana but we're human after all.

When people say whether you're worth meeting, I'd say, "Hey, who do you think you are...? What qualifies you to say that to me...?" Protect your dignity and instead of allowing people to say that to you, you should say if 'other people worth knowing me for what I am'. Protect yourself from disappointment and at the same time, be open to everyone. But don't open yourself 24-hour like 7-Eleven for people won't find you intriguing enough.

You're larger than life. So be one and act like one.

Yours + Isaac Rizard

Mark said...

Freedom09: Haha, well i can hope can't I? =)

Isaac: Thanks for the reality check, and that was a looong comment =)

I get what you mean, really do. I realize that more and more nowadays. At the end of the day, we really need to be happy with ourselves and we need to go there one step at a time. I'm also letting him have an opinion of his own when he said that, coz he has had bad experiences before with other people, so it's justifiable that he would say something like that. I don't think I'm letting go of my dignity or insecurity, just giving him the space he needs. Not sure what you meant by being open 24/7 but with me, what you see is what you get =)

Isaac Rizard said...

Dear Mark,

When I mentioned about qualifying the remarks about whether it is worthy to meet you or not, I have in mind that regardless of whatever bad experience he had before, he shouldn't passed the judgment that you would be the same like the rest of the herd. Taking cue from my own experience, I find it hard to establish any romantic relationship due to cultural and linguistic barrier but I persisted despite some bad experience before. My previous immaturity would have lumped all Chinese within the same basket but now, I know it is not the case.

My suggestion is to communicate with this fella longer rather than just commit to a meeting. The mantra 'what you see is what you get' should be tailored to ensure the advantage is on your side. The mantra should be amended to 'what you see is just the surface, wait till you see the content'.

Giving space for expression does not entail the reference whether you're worth meeting up. In my opinion, he's sizing you up and clearly, advantage is on his side and he'll make you appear desperate. That's what I mean when I questioned his qualification of passing such a remark against you.

The qualification to size people up and determine whether he is worth meeting or not should be decided by you and not by other people. Do justice for yourself.

Yours + Isaac Rizard

Mark said...

Points taken my friend =)

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