Sunday, August 16, 2009

It's One Of Those Days...

(Bear with me here, I'm in sort of a whiny mood. Feeling particularly down the end of the day)

It's just one of those days, when you can't bear to look at yourself in the mirror. It's one of those days, when you wish you were someone else. It's one of those days when you curse yourself for looking this way. Why am I gay and have such bad skin? Why won't my acne and blemish problems go away? I feel like a toothless tiger. So many times, I just wanna give up. So many times, I just feel like there's no hope and I shouldn't even fucking bother anymore. This is one of those times.

It's one of those days, when I can't help feeling that the reason I'm being rejected most of the time, is because I make a bad first impression physically. It's one of those days, when I feel that my face really does belong under a paper bag. Why can't I be average at best? I'm not asking for much, just hoping that I might look a little better than I am right now. I'm not hoping for much, just that one day I might stop hating looking at myself in the mirror. I know I'm being superficial, but you don't know what it feels like to be me. You don't know what it feels like to avoid looking into mirrors in public places at times. You don't know how it feels like to dread taking pictures of yourself and looking at them at times. This is one of those times.

It's one of those days, when I feel so fugly beyond help. It's one of those days, when you get the heavy, sinking feeling inside when you look at yourself. It's one of those days, when I'm almost 29 but look as if I'm 40.

What can I say? It's just one of those days...

PS: I think that this is one of my most heartfelt post. I'm just writing out whatever I'm feeling right now. I know it'll pass, but I thought I'd pen it down anyways. I usually avoid writing negative posts about myself because I don't wanna paint a picture of myself as a negative person, as it is NOT who I want to be. Nevertheless, it felt good to let it out.


Jastop said...

Believe in yourself, Mark. I do have problems like you before. Acnes all over the faces. Tried a lot of products.

I got rid of it with the help of my BF and also all the scolding that i get from him.

I am not trying to show off here. it is just to tell you that sometimes, it do needs something that must been given by some one you love and cared. The touch of love.

Anyway, I believe that one day, the acnes will be gone.

P/s: you can try face shops products as I am using it as well and it gives good results. :)

Mark said...

Thanks, will give it a try. But this was just a rant, I know I might have to live with it for the rest of my life =)

Freedom09 said...

haha, who says you're ugly? I don't find it that way. You're cute. :) You're born in that way, live it, love it.


Logan said...

Hi Mark,
Read your blog.......very revealing :)
For wat its worth, you are very attractive in your own unique cheer up ya!
Tomorrow we're gonna party....can't wait :)

Mark said...

Hey Logan, thanks ya. I assume you mean at the Look?