Hanging By A Thread

He doesn't want to meet me again today. So, I called him this afternoon, while I was at work. And this was roughly how it went (translated from Hokkien):

Him: Yes, what is it?
Me: How are you? Are you feeling better? Still got fever?
Him: No, I'm fine now. Why?
Me: Did you see my sms? Let's go out for a while tonight.
Him: Ermmm...don't want. I don't want to go out tonight.
Me: But you promised yesterday to see me tonight.
Him: I don't want to go out.
Me: Is everything ok? Are you ok?
Him: I'm fine, nothing's wrong.
Me: Then, let's go out for a while lah. Just for some drinks, it will only take a while.
Him: Don't want, I don't wanna go out.
Me: But I want to see you...
Him: I don't want to go out!
Me: Why not? Is everything alright?
Him: Nothing's wrong, I just don't want to go out.
Me: If nothing is wrong, then why won't you go out?
Him: I just don't want to go out!
Me:.....*speechless*
Me: Ok then, bye.

I'm sick and tired of getting turned down, just to see him for a talk. If nothing is wrong, why won't you even see your BF? I haven't gone out with him in a month, granted that he spent a week of that time traveling to KL and Singapore with his family. Why turn me down when your own BF just wants to see you for a while with NO reason at all? It's not that I didn't know or don't want to understand if he's having a problem. BUT, if you don't give me a chance to understand and just say NO all the time, what am I supposed to do? Enough was ENOUGH! I'm just gonna do this over the phone!

So, after gym just now, I called him at around 11pm. And, it went something like this:

Him: Hello, what is it?
Me: I saw your missed call earlier, sorry I was asleep.
Him: Yes, anything?
Me: Is there anything wrong with you lately?
Him: I'm ok ah, nothing is wrong. I'm fine.
Me: Do you have anymore feelings for me?
Him: What?
Me: I feel that you don't have anymore feelings for me.
Him: Why?
Me: It's the things that you do and don't do. You rarely call me. It's always so hard to see you. I feel as if I'm not even in a relationship. I don't feel like I have a BF at all. Why don't we just be friends?
Him: What?
Me: I don't know what's going on, maybe you're not ready for a relationship or what. But as things are going on now, it's just better if we remain friends.
Him:..........
Me: Are you there?
Him: You think about it properly then come talk to me lah! *hangs up*

What the...? I haven't even finished what I wanted to say, and he hangs up on me. Either he's having a shock that we're suddenly having this conversation, or he's avoiding the confrontation. I called him back twice and texted him to call me back when he didn't pick up.

To reiterate, the reasons I'm 'questioning' this relationship are:

1. He very rarely calls me, usually only to return my call briefly. I try to call him once daily, just to talk to him briefly and find out how he's doing. Heck, even on my trip to KL, I would call. When he went to KL, not a peep. If I don't call him for a week, I doubt I will get any calls from him. I guess he doesn't think about me at all.

2. He doesn't bother to see me, even when I offered to pick him up. He has stopped working since before CNY and is free as hell. But he'd much rather spend time by himself at home and do his own thing, rather than spend some time with me. With the exception that he went on a couple of SHORT family trips and fell sick when he came back, he's been at home mostly and has no excuse not to even come out and see his own BF. And I offer to drive most of the time too. I'm NOT asking that he spends EVERY DAY with me, but is just a few days a week or just during weekends a lot to ask?

3. I really don't think he has anymore feelings for me AT ALL. I tell him that I miss him so much coz I haven't seen him for some time, but he STILL doesn't bother to see me. If you truly miss or have feelings for someone, you'd take the initiative to go see that person. He doesn't even wanna come out when I offer to drive down to see him.

4. He doesn't want to get close. It's fine if he doesn't like it when I touch him, try to hold his hand or lean close to him in public. I understand that he doesn't want people to know. But, it frustrates me when he pushes me or leans away if I do the same when we're alone in the car! Hell, lately all he does is just SIT right beside me with both his arms crossed when he's next to me in the car. When I ask him if he's angry or if something is wrong, he tells me he's fine. So, what option does that leave me? Either I disgust him or just doesn't see me as his BF at all! Forget about him coming to my place, hasn't happened for more than a month, so all closeness is out the window right now. No kisses, no cuddling, no hugs, no holding hands, NOTHING! And we're just a little more than 3 months into it...

5. This relationship is just one-sided. I'm the only one doing everything and attempting to hold this relationship together. I initiate everything and do everything for him. If he needs me for something, only then he will take the initiative. I don't mind doing a lot of things for someone I love, but till now I don't see any reciprocity or compromise at all. It just shows that he doesn't bother or care about me at all.

6. He wants his way all the time and just does whatever he wants. If I happen to do something or talk to someone he dislikes, he will just not speak to me or throw a tantrum. Sometimes I feel as if I'm babysitting, rather than having a BF. I can't be in a relationship where I'm afraid of making him angry all the time, it's not healthy.

7. Sex is non-existant (to my good but somewhat bitchy friends, STOP GIGGLING!). The reason I put this last is because I don't emphasize much on sex in a relationship. I think love, closeness and trust is more important than anything else. However, sex is somewhat important (I'd be lying if I said it's not) and it's just not there. I'm not saying that we should hump like rabbits trying to re-populate the field, but occasional sex does bring us closer together. I can throw that out the window too.

SO, that about sums it up. If he's having problems, he's not giving me any chance to understand it. If he thinks I'm causing problems, he hasn't bothered to say anything. If he's not aware that there are problems in this relationship, that's his problem. It's not like I didn't try to talk to him. I'm giving him a few days to call me back and talk about it. If he chooses to avoid me or won't bother, then we're officially off!