Lately, he hasn't been calling me. Mostly, it's me who's calling him. Even if he's afraid of expensive phone bills, I told him before that he can just miss call me and I'll return the call if he wants to talk to me, so that's out of the question. I won't blame him if he's busy with his relatives during CNY and can't meet up with me, but at least I'd expect a or two call just to hear each other's voice. I still call him every day, despite being unable to see him. I miss him so much but I'm beginning to wonder if he's thinking about me too.
He doesn't like any display of affection in public, even the slightest bit. I can't sneak up and touch his hand or lean too close to him. I understand that he doesn't like it and is afraid of people staring or finding out. Even when we both go out and are alone in the car, he doesn't show any affections and even appear cold sometimes. It's just like another friend sitting next to me in the front passenger seat. Now, I understand about the public display of affections thing. Most gay people or couples just wanna behave like normal in public, since we're not exactly living in the promised land of gay tolerance here, so I won't attempt to change that. Plus, he's also staying with his family, so I can't just pop in for a visit any time I want and definitely can't count on any private time there. So, THE ONLY TIME I get to be close to him is when we're back at my place, which is RARELY. He's only been here a few times since we got attached.
When I'm in a relationship, I love to shower my BF with kisses or hugs for no reason at all. I like to cuddle. I like to hold his hand. I love to feel him close to me. I'd loved it even more if he returned all of those. It just shows how much he feels about me too. I like to hear from him, asking me how my day was or even if we're both just talking crap. It just shows that he's thinking of me too. Yes, I even like those mushy mushy, super lovey dovey, can-give-you-goosebumps text messages every now and then. When Bobo called me lo gong for the first time in an email, it just melted me. But I'm not getting any of that anymore.
It's just a few months into the relationship, the flames should still be going strong. We should still be doing all those things and practically all over each other, but we're not. Maybe he's not the type of person who likes those things. Maybe he's just concerned with his own affairs right now. I don't have a clue, but I can't help thinking that the flame has died, and all TOO soon. I'm almost always there for him...but I can't help feeling that it's one-sided right now. I feel that he doesn't need me as much as I need him. Perhaps he's just more independent than I am, in a relationship. Perhaps he doesn't need me at all...I don't know.
I'm in a relationship, but it feels as if I'm still single. I'm feeling lonely and kinda sad right now. It's been a week since I've seen him. I just want to spend more PRIVATE time with him and draw us both closer to each other. I don't want to be in a one-sided relationship. Both parties in a relationship need to contribute to keep it alive. If your lover doesn't bother to call, text or even try to see you or get close to you, how would you feel? Or am I just over-reacting?
I think we both need to talk...