Thursday, January 7, 2010

Hello 2010, Goodbye 2009

2009 wasn't such a good year for me. Nothing much happened and a lot of crap fell on my lap (not literally). Life felt rather empty and meaningless at times. Sitting alone in my room sometimes, I would ponder on how my life could be better and more meaningful. I was a little too comfortable and allowed myself to stagnate. I had become lazier, de-motivated. and wasn't managing my life that well.

But, these are just excuses. I've always been a go-getter and firm believer that if you want something to happen, you'd have to do something and go after it, not cry in a corner hoping things might change. It's unacceptable to allow myself to slip like that. Although sometimes circumstances might not permit change, however hard we try, at least I did something about it. If something doesn't happen or change the way you want it to, then DO something about it. I lost my focus and got distracted from the more important things that I should be doing with my life, and it has got to stop. I need to get my focus back and concentrate on making the changes that would make life better and more meaningful.

Having said that, I did manage to do 3/5 of what I planned in last year's resolution, particularly #1, #2 and #3. I'm happier with the way I looked. I'm more confident. I was more positive and cheerfully outgoing. I'm taking care of my appearance even more, slowly acknowledging that I can look good if I tried. I'm getting compliments left and right and have learned to accept compliments graciously, instead of shying away from them. Overall, I just feel better about myself.

I need a better job (actively looking now) that PAYS WELL. This is a rut that I'm really hoping to get out of. To some people, it might not be such a big deal, because either they come from a well-to-do family or your family has never struggled financially before. If it was only about me, I wouldn't be so worried since I have enough for myself to survive, but I have my family to think about. Since dad is practically good-for-nothing (don't get me started), mum is retiring in a few year's time and sis has just started college, I'm the only one they can depend on in future. I'm already shouldering that future responsiblity, and so it worries me. I stopped my search at the beginning and middle of 2009 due to the economic slowdown, but things are picking up again. Plenty of hiring going around now, and it's time to start looking again. I don't think my current job can take me anywhere. I feel over-worked and under-paid and it's not only me saying that.

I'm also getting my passport done this month. I've been stuck in Penang for too long. Love the place, but I need more perspective and wanderlust calls. I want to start traveling and move to a new place. If possible, I'm really hoping to land a new job in SG or KL.

We're all self-obsessed at one point or another. We're human after all, and tend to put our needs before others. But sometimes we need to take a step back and look around us. There are always people who need help. It might be as something simple as making someone feel good with an honest compliment to donating or helping out for charity. Anything at all, I just wanna help out and learn to live for others, instead of thinking mostly about my well-being. There are a lot of people worse off than me.

My resolutions for year 2010 are simple:

1. Continue to improve myself, be happier, be more positive and more confident.

2. Find a better job and make more money.

3. Travel more or move to a new place.

4. Be more helpful and learn to live for others, as long as I'm able to do it.