Despite my best efforts, I suck in relationships or trying to get into one, I'll give you that. Admittedly, two of my biggest mistakes was jumping into it too fast AND approaching someone at the wrong time/place. That's fine, I know I fucked up. I'm trying to amend my ways and I'm trying to do better. A few of my good friends have come up to me pointing out the error of my ways. Yes, I appreciate that. But, it does get frustrating when everything you do seems to be wrong, even those you think are the most sensible and right thing to do. It makes me feel lost and confused every time I decide to do something, for fear for fucking up again. Yeah lah, if people keep saying everything also wrong, then what have I done right?
Maybe I should just take more hits to my face and wise up. Maybe I should just lower my expectations. Maybe I should go fine the latest edition of 'Relationship for Dummies'. I don't know. Maybe I won't find that special someone in this life. From what everyone keeps telling me, I keep fucking up. It's very de-motivating and depressing.
I go out and find; wrong. I sit and wait and do nothing; wrong. I put effort into the person that I like; ALSO wrong! Everything is wrong, so what is right? It seems as if finding that special someone and getting into a good relationship is as likely as winning the lottery in my lifetime, an impossible feat. A one in few million chance, bad odds if you ask me. Like most say, if it's yours, then it's yours.
But WAIT, why do I have to fucking bother about it so much? It's not as if I would die if I were single. So screw it! I'm sick and tired of being wrong all the time. If love doesn't wanna find me, then fuck you! I have other BETTER things to do with my life. I still have me, myself and I. I don't deserve this shit. I should just focus on making my life better instead of whining about this crap. I don't care if I'm single or attached anymore. It's just making my life complicated. Yes, it would seem like I'm giving up, and I won't lie saying it isn't partially true, but I am just really fed up with this.
I try and try and try, but it just ends up biting my in the ass one way or the other, regardless whether I did things wrongly or not. I might as well focus my efforts on other aspects in my life that matters more and enjoy myself instead. A lot of frustrating things have popped up in my life lately, and I don't need anymore to add to it. To reiterate, if love comes my way, I'll think about it. If not, then screw you coz I don't want to fucking care about this shit anymore! I'd rather be by myself...
PS: This is my first ranting post with the F word in it. I'm sorry, but I really needed to get this out of my head! Feels good after letting it out.