Going to the Jelutong night market tonite to contribute to the massive crowds and scout for yummy tummy treats, which are aplenty there. Someone posted these funny (some kinda true) tips, so I decided to
5 Top Tips for Nabbing That Hawt Night Market Ah Beng:
1. Your hair can *never* be blond enough. Even then, there's *always* room for some electric blue or toxic green highlights.
2. A funky hairstyle is a must if you want to get into that Ah Beng's budget Hush Puppies underwear. Try a little gel as the base, followed by copious amounts of styling clay to emulate your favourite anime character. Finish by fixing it with 15 seconds of hairspray, or until an ozone hole appears above your head. God forbid a stray hair should go out of place as you're giving head!
3. There's a lot of people at night markets, so you need to make yourself stand out with some bling. This may include piercings of every imaginable nature - but don't go overboard! Ah Bengs are not punks and will still be scared off by that spike sticking through your nostrils. If you're not the piercing kind, you can still accessorize with lots of cheap looking flashy jewelery - the night market you're at should have plenty on offer!
4. No matter your age, make sure you wear something that only 15 year old boys with a warped sense of fashion will wear. This can range from fake Adidas (spelt 'Adidos') sneakers, jeans with a dazzling array of silver studs (bling!), and the good old neon-coloured singlet. Again - don't fret if you don't have these. They can be easily bought at the night market you're at.
5. If you understood everything above, that means your English literacy is better than the Ah Beng you're eyeing. Don't use the Queen's English as he'll just stare at you clueless. You should fake bad Manglish to impress him, in addition to Hokkien or Mandarin. DVD sellers will know Cantonese too, usually.
With that, good luck and have fun!~