Tuesday, October 9, 2012

The Good and Bad

Holy poop on a stick!~ I mentioned a revival in June, then went *poof* for 3 months from the blogosphere. Oh well, but I'm back...for now at least. Quite a few things has happened these few months, both good and bad.

For starters, I've said goodbye to my previous job and shifted to a new one in September. It was a rather heavy-hearted farewell. Although my previous company had a work process so tedious, that just thinking about the tasks ahead felt draining, I had some great colleagues back there. The teamwork and synergy of my own team felt awesome and amicable. The people I worked with were pleasant and we did feel very much like a family. I was also very well liked, within and outside my organization. Still, I had to make a move to better pastures, and I'm forever grateful of the things I've learned there. In fact, it helped me secure this new job. Working at a huge semi-con company here in Penang now *hint hint*.

Very recently, after going and off again, I'm finally single. This time, I don't intend to go back. I have to be firm. We had a great one, but as time went on, our age gap became more apparent (at least, to me). He has matured a great deal in these past 2 years, yet I've felt that there was something missing. I felt unfulfilled, and then I realized that I loved him no longer as a partner, but more of a dear close friend. It wasn't good when the relationship felt more like an obligation to me. I tried very hard to love him back when we got back together the last time, and all was well. As time went by, it began to diminish again. It just felt stagnant. At times, I felt frustrated and trapped. I felt like I wasn't getting my end of the bargain. It wasn't about him. In fact, any person would be lucky to have him.

It's just that our expectations were different. I am at a different phase of my life when I strive to achieve and be something more. Early mid-life crisis perhaps? Maybe. I used to only be concerned on finding a partner. But that's when I was in my 20s. Now that I'm in my early 30s, it's a whole different ballgame. If I were to find another relationship, it would be with someone more matured (mentally and emotionally). But for now, I'm content on being single. I don't know what the future holds for the both of us, but I really hope I don't lose him. I still care for him deeply and I'm very protective of him. And I can't stand the sight of him crying, it just breaks my heart. Right now, we're not in contact, except for some messages in Whatsapp. He needs the time by himself to grief and move on, and I hope time heals his wounds quicker, so that we may see each other again. This time, as good friends.

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