Friday, April 24, 2009

Confessions Of A Gay Guy

I've known that I'm gay for a long time now. About 10 years it seems. Even so, a small part of me has never truly accepted myself, nor made complete peace with that fact. Don't get me wrong, I've never had a problem about being gay. It's just that I still had some confusion and doubts about being the way that I am, lingering at the back of my mind.

Would things have turned out differently if my parents' relationship were not estranged?

Would I have turned out differently if my dad had taken better care of me and shown me proper fatherly love?

Am I really born gay, or did I choose this path early on in my life?

Am I really an abomination, as said by major beliefs and religions?

Am I angering God by being the way that I am?

Does God not love me because I'm gay?

Will I be thrown into the depths of hell when I die?
Is my existence a sin personified?

Am I really the unnatural, disgusting, immoral and perverted being as portrayed by religion?

Would I find myself going straight, getting married someday and raising a family of my own, as perceived as the 'right' thing to do by society?

As I watched the trailer for Prayers For Bobby and read some gay-related articles last week, I've hit some realizations, or affirmation as you might put it, that helped me fully accept and make peace with myself. Some of you might be surprised that I'm a God-fearing person, but I strongly believe that God exists and He watches over us everyday. After recent developments, I've come to realize that...

1. God loves me as I am. This realization is the most important to me, because it finally puts me at peace with myself as a gay person. If He is perfect and His creations are perfect, then He created me perfectly the way He wanted me to be and loves me as I am. It doesn't matter what we are, but it matters more what you do with your time here.

2. I am born the way I am. Even if the whole world shuns me, it will not change this fact. This is not a path or choice that I chose, NOR was it chosen for me by any circumstancial means in the early stages of my life. Furthermore, my first attraction to a boy happened when I hit puberty at 13, even before my parents became truly estranged.

3. There is nothing wrong with me and there is nothing to change. And that is the absolute TRUTH for me. I am gay and I am proud of it. I've never meant or done anything to hurt anyone by being gay. I'm just being myself, just as nature intended.

4. Being gay does NOT make me an abomination, a pervert or an immoral person, regardless what any majority, beliefs or religion says. I am just a normal person born with different sexual orientation but it does NOT define me as a person. My attitude, behavior and actions are what defines me as a person. Anyone, regardless of sexuality, is capable of being a pervert or immoral person.

5. I am equal and deserve similar rights as everyone else. I breathe and love, laugh and cry, hurt and bleed just like everybody else.

If you think that you know better just because you read from some 'book' or listened to a straight person who THINKS that they know more about gay people than gay people, THINK AGAIN! Go talk with a real gay person to understand us better.


meng chai said...

hi i like looking ur blog
make me happy. how u first time do that time or u still virgin. me thinking of doing it but very scat and confuse

cookiedonut said...

splendid realizations!

this would be a very motivating post... :-)

Mark said...

meng chai: Thanks, don't quite understand your question though.

cookiedonut: Thanks, and those are the TRUTHS =)