My Very First Crush

Some of my friends, gay and straight have occasionally posed this question to me. How did I know I was gay? I have to admit, there were numerous times that I have been confused. Out of the conformity towards the majority in the society and the norm of straight relationships everywhere, I had come to think that all boys should be with girls at an early age. It was almost like a competition when you're young. Who had a girlfriend first or who had the prettiest etc.

Amidst the confusion, I still remember the first time I had a crush on a boy. I was 13 and so was he. Let's name him...J. We shared the same school bus together and J was my mum's friend's son. He was quite a buddy to me in the bus and was actually the first person I talked to when I first boarded that bus to my new secondary school. He warmed up to me pretty quickly when he first met me. Shortly after, I suspect that puberty begun to hit me in high gear and had my body undergoing awkward physical changes. You know...hair growing in weird places, sudden surge of testosterone giving you 'urges', constantly touching yourself (don't lie, I KNOW you did it!) and 'pitching tents' at just the sight or thought of ANYTHING...sometimes you swear the thing between your legs had a mind of its own.

J was cute and wore glasses. I thought he was way cuter when he took them off. He's also very fair, lean and had hairy legs, which for some reason, I found incredibly sexy. When puberty hit me like a speeding drunk truck driver hitting a brick wall, I began to notice things that I didn't before. I began to notice how...tight his pants were. The rate which my eyes zoomed to his lower front and back (to prevent myself from sounding like a perv, I will refrain from using crotch and ass) increased by...probably 500%. I noticed that he had a pleasant smell about him. It wasn't BO or deodorant. It was his natural male scent (yes, by saying that I'm probably becoming a girl as I'm typing this) and it was intensified when he was hot or sweaty. I know certain people have a natural scent that their body emits, and his was to me like pheromones to a fish. Sometimes I'd just stand close to get a whiff (my perv meter in your perception is probably at 80% now, right?). But I can't help it! At that age, with testosterone and other puberty-related hormones surging, your balls overpower your brains most of the time. Let's face it, your hormones kicks your brain's ass big time any time it wants to!

I would sit beside J most of the time in the bus. I would sneak a peak whenever he took off his shirt after PE (Physical Ed) class. J lived really near my place and a few times, I would just pop in for a visit, hoping he'd be shirtless (he was a coupla times XD). There were SO many times I had wished to see him in his undies! Although nothing ever happened between us and I never told him that I liked him, I still remember him well during that time, even after 15 years (yes, I'm that OLD!). Although I went to have a few more crushes, his was the most memorable. After all, he was my first crush...pity he was straight.

PS: This post was requested by a friend and fellow blogger, Calvin. Nah, as promised =P