Toilet 'Manners'

One of my GREATEST pet peeves is a freakin' dirty toilet. It's a private place where you need to relieve yourself and it should be CLEAN! Here's a few things I just can't stand.

1. It should be fairly common to walk into a Malaysian public toilet cubicle and be met with a toilet seat painted with dirty SHOE PRINTS! Seriously, LEARN to sit or at least take off your damn shoes if you're still bent on squatting to 'drop the kids off at the pool' or even pee (whatever strikes your fancy)!

2. Excuse me sir, does this urinal look like a rubbish bin to you? If you don't pee in trash cans, stop throwing your cigarette butts in the urinals. You can flush till kingdom come, it's still gonna float in there! Geez...

3. I'm sure you've had that dick installed on you since you were born. Unless it's a new one, you should be able to aim properly at point blank range. I don't care if you're staring down a toilet bowl or urinal, aim for where the hole is, NOT around it! Your pee ain't paint, stop decorating the toilet bowl and floor with it! What? Still can't aim properly you say? Ask the person next to you or a friend to hold it for you while you pee, but 2-3 shakes after that is enough though. Coz you know, any more shakes and well, kittens will die or something...

4. You need to stand close to the urinal when you pee, unless your dong is really that huge. So, stop testing fate and multi-tasking and see if your spit will land in the urinal while you pee. NO ONE wants to stare at a pool of thick, plegmy, sometimes yellowish spittle on top of the urinal when they pee! Go spit in the sink or toilet bowl instead.

5. Unless you're retarded, have no hands or have Alzheimer's, please please oh dear God in heaven please FLUSH after doing your business! I'm tempted to think you don't clean the brown eye afterwards neither. I find it nauseating to see the concentrated pee with crumpled tissues and poop floating in its midst, and worse...SMELLING IT TOO!

6. It scares the bejesus out of me when I see smeared poop on cubicle walls. Either that guy had a weird hobby or didn't have tissue had to use his fingers. Luckily, this is rare.

So, what else did I miss? Care to add any of your toilet pet peeves?