Wise Words from Dr. Richard Teo

Please take a moment to read this and share this meaningful story. I got this from an email and this has been circulating in FB as well. Long post ahead.

Below is the transcript of the talk of Dr. Richard Teo, who is a 40-year-old millionaire and cosmetic surgeon with a stage-4 lung cancer but selflessly came to share his life experience with the D1 class on 19 Jan 2012. He has recently passed away on 18 October 2012.

Hi good morning to all of you. My voice is a bit hoarse, so please bear with me. I thought I'll just introduce myself. My name is Richard, I'm a medical doctor. And I thought I'll just share some thoughts of my life. It's my pleasure to be invited by prof. Hopefully, it can get you thinking about how... as you pursue this.. embarking on your training to become dental surgeons, to think about other things as well.

Since young, I am a typical product of today's society. Relatively successful product that society requires.. From young, I came from a below average family. I was told by the media... and people around me that happiness is about success. And that success is about being wealthy. With this mind-set, I've always be extremely competitive, since I was young.

Not only do I need to go to the top school, I need to have success in all fields. Uniform groups, track, everything. I needed to get trophies, needed to be successful, I needed to have colours award, national colours award, everything. So I was highly competitive since young. I went on to medical school, graduated as a doctor. Some of you may know that within the medical faculty, ophthalmology is one of the most highly sought after specialities. So I went after that as well. I was given a traineeship in ophthalmology, I was also given a research scholarship by NUS to develop lasers to treat the eye.

So in the process, I was given 2 patents, one for the medical devices, and another for the lasers. And you know what, all this academic achievements did not bring me any wealth. So once I completed my bond with MOH, I decided that this is taking too long, the training in eye surgery is just taking too long. And there's lots of money to be made in the private sector. If you're aware, in the last few years, there is this rise in aesthetic medicine. Tons of money to be made there. So I decided, well, enough of staying in institution, it's time to leave. So I quit my training halfway and I went on to set up my aesthetic clinic... in town, together with a day surgery centre.

You know the irony is that people do not make heroes out average GP (general practitioner), family physicians. They don't. They make heroes out of people who are rich and famous. People who are not happy to pay $20 to see a GP, the same person have no qualms paying ten thousand dollars for a liposuction, 15 thousand dollars for a breast augmentation, and so on and so forth. So it's a no brainer isn't? Why do you want to be a gp? Become an aesthetic physician. So instead of healing the sick and ill, I decided that I'll become a glorified beautician. So, business was good, very good. It started off with waiting of one week, then became 3weeks, then one month, then 2 months, then 3 months. I was overwhelmed; there were just too many patients. Vanities are fantastic business. I employed one doctor, the second doctor, the 3rd doctor, the 4th doctor. And within the 1st year, we're already raking in millions. Just the 1st year. But never is enough because I was so obsessed with it. I started to expand into Indonesia to get all the rich Indonesian tai-tais who wouldn't blink an eye to have a procedure done. So life was really good.

So what do I do with the spare cash. How do I spend my weekends? Typically, I'll have car club gatherings. I take out my track car, with spare cash I got myself a track car. We have car club gatherings. We'll go up to Sepang in Malaysia. We'll go for car racing. And it was my life. With other spare cash, what do i do? I get myself a Ferrari. At that time, the 458 wasn't out, it's just a spider convertible, 430. This is a friend of mine, a schoolmate who is a forex trader, a banker. So he got a red one, he was wanting all along a red one, I was getting the silver one.

So what do I do after getting a car? It's time to buy a house, to build our own bungalows. So we go around looking for a land to build our own bungalows, we went around hunting. So how do i live my life? Well, we all think we have to mix around with the rich and famous. This is one of the Miss Universe. So we hang around with the beautiful, rich and famous. This by the way is an internet founder. So this is how we spend our lives, with dining and all the restaurants and Michelin Chefs you know.

So I reach a point in life that I got everything for my life. I was at the pinnacle of my career and all. That's me one year ago in the gym and I thought I was like, having everything under control and reaching the pinnacle.

Well, I was wrong. I didn't have everything under control. About last year March, I started to develop backache in the middle of nowhere. I thought maybe it was all the heavy squats I was doing. So I went to SGH, saw my classmate to do an MRI, to make sure it's not a slipped disc or anything. And that evening, he called me up and said that we found bone marrow replacement in your spine. I said, sorry what does that mean? I mean I know what it means, but I couldn't accept that. I was like “Are you serious?” I was still running around going to the gym you know. But we had more scans the next day, PET scans - positrons emission scans, they found that actually I have stage 4 terminal lung cancer. I was like "Whoa where did that come from?” It has already spread to the brain, the spine, the liver and the adrenals. And you know one moment I was there, totally thinking that I have everything under control, thinking that I've reached the pinnacle of my life. But the next moment, I have just lost it.

This is a CT scan of the lungs itself. If you look at it, every single dot there is a tumour. We call this miliaries tumour. And in fact, I have tens of thousands of them in the lungs. So, I was told that even with chemotherapy, that I'll have about 3-4months at most. Did my life come crushing on, of course it did, who wouldn't? I went into depression, of course, severe depression and I thought I had everything.

See the irony is that all these things that I have, the success, the trophies, my cars, my house and all. I thought that brought me happiness. But i was feeling really down, having severe depression. Having all these thoughts of my possessions, they brought me no joy. The thought of... You know, I can hug my Ferrari to sleep, no... No, it is not going to happen. It brought not a single comfort during my last ten months. And I thought they were, but they were not true happiness. But it wasn't. What really brought me joy in the last ten months was interaction with people, my loved ones, friends, people who genuinely care about me, they laugh and cry with me, and they are able to identify the pain and suffering I was going through. That brought joy to me, happiness. None of the things I have, all the possessions, and I thought those were supposed to bring me happiness. But it didn't, because if it did, I would have felt happy think about it, when I was feeling most down..

You know the classical Chinese New Year that is coming up. In the past, what do I do? Well, I will usually drive my flashy car to do my rounds, visit my relatives, to show it off to my friends. And I thought that was joy, you know. I thought that was really joy. But do you really think that my relatives and friends, whom some of them have difficulty trying to make ends meet, that will truly share the joy with me? Seeing me driving my flashy car and showing off to them? No, no way. They won’t be sharing joy with me. They were having problems trying to make ends meet, taking public transport. In fact i think, what I have done is more like you know, making them envious, jealous of all I have. In fact, sometimes even hatred.

Those are what we call objects of envy. I have them, I show them off to them and I feel it can fill my own pride and ego. That didn't bring any joy to these people, to my friends and relatives, and I thought they were real joy.

Well, let me just share another story with you. You know when I was about your age, I stayed in king Edward VII hall. I had this friend whom I thought was strange. Her name is Jennifer, we're still good friends. And as I walk along the path, she would, if she sees a snail, she would actually pick up the snail and put it along the grass patch. I was like why do you need to do that? Why dirty your hands? It’s just a snail. The truth is she could feel for the snail. The thought of being crushed to death is real to her, but to me it's just a snail. If you can't get out of the pathway of humans then you deserve to be crushed, it’s part of evolution isn't it? What an irony isn't it?

There I was being trained as a doctor, to be compassionate, to be able to empathise; but I couldn't. As a house officer, I graduated from medical school, posted to the oncology department at NUH. And, every day, every other day I witness death in the cancer department. When I see how they suffered, I see all the pain they went through. I see all the morphine they have to press every few minutes just to relieve their pain. I see them struggling with their oxygen breathing their last breath and all. But it was just a job. When I went to clinic every day, to the wards every day, take blood, give the medication but was the patient real to me? They weren't real to me. It was just a job, I do it, I get out of the ward, I can't wait to get home, I do my own stuff.

Was the pain, was the suffering the patients went through real? No. Of course I know all the medical terms to describe how they feel, all the suffering they went through. But in truth, I did not know how they feel, not until I became a patient. It is until now; I truly understand how they feel. And, if you ask me, would I have been a very different doctor if I were to re-live my life now, I can tell you yes I will. Because I truly understand how the patients feel now. And sometimes, you have to learn it the hard way.

Even as you start just your first year, and you embark this journey to become dental surgeons, let me just challenge you on two fronts.

Inevitably, all of you here will start to go into private practice. You will start to accumulate wealth. I can guarantee you. Just doing an implant can bring you thousands of dollars, it's fantastic money. And actually there is nothing wrong with being successful, with being rich or wealthy, absolutely nothing wrong. The only trouble is that a lot of us like myself couldn't handle it.

Why do I say that? Because when I start to accumulate, the more I have, the more I want. The more I wanted, the more obsessed I became. Like what I showed you earlier on, all I can was basically to get more possessions, to reach the pinnacle of what society did to us, of what society wants us to be. I became so obsessed that nothing else really mattered to me. Patients were just a source of income, and I tried to squeeze every single cent out of these patients.

A lot of times we forget, whom we are supposed to be serving. We become so lost that we serve nobody else but just ourselves. That was what happened to me. Whether it is in the medical, the dental fraternity, I can tell you, right now in the private practice, sometimes we just advise patients on treatment that is not indicated. Grey areas. And even though it is not necessary, we kind of advocate it. Even at this point, I know who are my friends and who genuinely cared for me and who are the ones who try to make money out of me by selling me "hope". We kind of lose our moral compass along the way. Because we just want to make money.

Worse, I can tell you, over the last few years, we bad mouth our fellow colleagues, our fellow competitors in the industry. We have no qualms about it. So if we can put them down to give ourselves an advantage, we do it. And that's what happening right now, medical, dental everywhere. My challenge to you is not to lose that moral compass. I learnt it the hard way, I hope you don't ever have to do it.

Secondly, a lot of us will start to get numb to our patients as we start to practise. Whether is it government hospitals, private practice, I can tell you when I was in the hospital, with stacks of patient folders, I can't wait to get rid of those folders as soon as possible; I can't wait to get patients out of my consultation room as soon as possible because there is just so many, and that's a reality. Because it becomes a job, a very routine job. And this is just part of it. Do I truly know how the patient feels back then? No, I don't. The fears and anxiety and all, do I truly understand what they are going through? I don't, not until when this happens to me and I think that is one of the biggest flaws in our system.

We’re being trained to be healthcare providers, professional, and all and yet we don't know how exactly they feel. I'm not asking you to get involved emotionally, I don't think that is professional but do we actually make a real effort to understand their pain and all? Most of us won’t, alright, I can assure you. So don't lose it, my challenge to you is to always be able to put yourself in your patient's shoes.

Because the pain, the anxiety, the fear are very real even though it's not real to you, it's real to them. So don't lose it and you know, right now I'm in the midst of my 5th cycle of my chemotherapy. I can tell you it’s a terrible feeling. Chemotherapy is one of those things that you don't wish even your enemies to go through because it's just suffering, lousy feeling, throwing out, you don't even know if you can retain your meals or not. Terrible feeling! And even with whatever little energy now I have, I try to reach out to other cancer patients because I truly understand what pain and suffering is like. But it's kind of little too late and too little.

You guys have a bright future ahead of you with all the resource and energy, so I’m going to challenge you to go beyond your immediate patients. To understand that there are people out there who are truly in pain, truly in hardship. Don’t get the idea that only poor people suffer. It is not true. A lot of these poor people do not have much in the first place, they are easily contented. for all you know they are happier than you and me but there are out there, people who are suffering mentally, physically, hardship, emotionally, financially and so on and so forth, and they are real. We choose to ignore them or we just don't want to know that they exist.

So do think about it alright, even as you go on to become professionals and dental surgeons and all. That you can reach out to these people who are in need. Whatever you do can make a large difference to them. I'm now at the receiving end so I know how it feels, someone who genuinely care for you, encourage and all. It makes a lot of difference to me. That’s what happens after treatment. I had a treatment recently, but I’ll leave this for another day. A lot of things happened along the way, that's why I am still able to talk to you today.

I'll just end of with this quote here, it's from this book called Tuesdays with Morris, and some of you may have read it. Everyone knows that they are going to die; every one of us knows that. The truth is, none of us believe it because if we did, we will do things differently. When I faced death, when I had to, I stripped myself off all stuff totally and I focused only on what is essential. The irony is that a lot of times, only when we learn how to die then we learn how to live. I know it sounds very morbid for this morning but it's the truth, this is what I’m going through.

Don’t let society tell you how to live. Don’t let the media tell you what you're supposed to do. Those things happened to me. And I led this life thinking that these are going to bring me happiness. I hope that you will think about it and decide for yourself how you want to live your own life. Not according to what other people tell you to do, and you have to decide whether you want to serve yourself, whether you are going to make a difference in somebody else's life. Because true happiness doesn't come from serving yourself. I thought it was but it didn't turn out that way.

Also most importantly, I think true joy comes from knowing God. Not knowing about God – I mean, you can read the bible and know about God – but knowing God personally; getting a relationship with God. I think that’s the most important. That’s what I’ve learnt.

So if I were to sum it up, I’d say that the earlier we sort out the priorities in our lives, the better it is. Don’t be like me – I had no other way. I had to learn it through the hard way. I had to come back to God to thank Him for this opportunity because I’ve had 3 major accidents in my past – car accidents. You know, these sports car accidents – I was always speeding , but somehow I always came out alive, even with the car almost being overturned. And I wouldn’t have had a chance. Who knows, I don’t know where else I’d be going to! Even though I was baptised it was just a show, but the fact that this has happened, it gave me a chance to come back to God.

Few things I’d learnt though:
1. Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart – this is so important.
2. Is to love and serve others, not just ourselves.

There is nothing wrong with being rich or wealthy. I think it’s absolutely alright, cos God has blessed. So many people are blessed with good wealth, but the trouble is I think a lot of us can’t handle it. The more we have, the more we want. I’ve gone through it, the deeper the hole we dig, the more we get sucked into it, so much so that we worship wealth and lose focus. Instead of worshipping God, we worship wealth. It’s just a human instinct. It’s just so difficult to get out of it.

We are all professionals, and when we go into private practise, we start to build up our wealth – inevitably. So my thought are, when you start to build up wealth and when the opportunity comes, do remember that all these things don’t belong to us. We don’t really own it nor have rights to this wealth. It’s actually God’s gift to us. Remember that it’s more important to further His Kingdom rather than to further ourselves.

Anyway I think that I’ve gone through it, and I know that wealth without God is empty. It is more important that you fill up the wealth, as you build it up subsequently, as professionals and all, you need to fill it up with the wealth of God.

Personally, I did not know who this man was. In fact, I had only just heard of him these past few days. His story moved me and inspired me personally. I picked up quite a few life lessons from him, some of which I realized again:

1. Ultimately, our family, friends and loved ones are the greatest treasures of our lives. When all is lost and we've hit rock bottom, they are the ones who will be by our side offering love, care and comfort. Striving to achieve success in wealth is fine, but never let it blindside you from the people who truly matter to you. Come to think of it, the best times of my life are the those spent with my family, friends and loved ones. Never neglect to let them know how much you love them and appreciate having them in your life.

2. Learn to empathize with others and be more understanding, especially they are faced with adversity, struggle and suffering.

3. Learning to live for others will make our lives far more meaningful than living for ourselves. Living only for yourself will only make you lonely and miserable in the end. Offer help, comfort and compliments freely and sincerely whenever you can. Build bridges, don't burn them.

4. Never let others dictate how you should live your life, or what your success should be. Everyone has a different definition of success, and should live by their own ideals.

PS: You may read more him on his online memorial.

We Can Only Hope

After watching this, I have nothing but RESPECT for Obama for everything that he has done in the pursuit of equality, for his country and future generations.

I realize that it may not be my nation that is changing. Nevertheless, it touches me that another has moved many steps forward towards freedom and equality. Every action in the right direction, will ripple out and affect us all, in due time.

I can only hope, that even though it might not be within my generation, that generations to come will one day savor the same privilege as well, in our own beloved country.

Dark Side

I find this song to be incredibly beautiful and meaningful. It reflects the acceptance that we all hope for from others. We hope to be loved for everything that is good about us, but often draw back the side we wish to hide from the world. The side of us that embodies our insecurities, transgressions and gross imperfections. The side of us that makes us eccentric, downright weird or even shamefully different in the eyes of others. A side hidden, in secret, even from the closest confidants or longest of friends. No matter how big or small, everyone has a dark side.

It's easy to dream up a perfect partner, family or friend, but in reality, everyone is far from perfect. How much do you really love them? And if you do, do you love everything about them? Do you accept them wholly as they are? Or do you judge them for their imperfections? Think about it.

There's a place that I know
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away

Or will you stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Like a diamond
From black dust
It's hard to know
What can become
If you give up
So don't give up on me
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Don't run away
Don't run away
Just tell me that you will stay
Promise me you will stay
Don't run away
Don't run away
Just promise me you will stay
Promise me you will stay

Will you love me? ohh

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Don't run away
Don't run away

Don't run away

Promise you'll stay

It's Just One Of Those Times...

Sometimes, life seems to move at light speed, and I begin to lose sight of things.

Sometimes, life seems to be such a heaving struggle, I begin to tire at every possibility of action and just wanna lay down in inaction.

Sometimes, life seems so fatiguing, that my mind ceases to perceive and becomes a huge, jumbled blur.

Sometimes, I just lose sight of my direction, hoping that there will be a flicker of light in the distance to guide you back to the longing road.

Sometimes, I don't even know what I want, and the resulting frustration just steers me into more indecision.

Sometimes, I wonder if things will ever get better, clinging furiously in the dark, hoping to hold to climb back up where there will be light again.

Sometimes, I wonder if most of what's going on in my life is self-inflicted, and my mind sneers trying to stifle a knowing giggle.

Sometimes, I wonder if I will implode with all this confusion, but I still live to wonder about that another day.

Sometimes, I vehemently try to pry open the forbidden veils of the future in my mind and take a spy, only to find it concealed in a thick fog.

Sometimes, I wonder if I will really be able to get back on track, and reach the dreams that I've laid out at the end.

Sometimes, I feel so lost, as if my mind's compass is spinning wildly in the magnetic field of the burdens that still await.

Sometimes, I just wanna let it all go, and feel the joy and peace again.

God, please light the way for me.

Still Self-conscious

I used to be fat in my late teens into early adulthood. On top of that, I had bad skin and acne problems. It's probably no wonder that I've been very uncomfortable under my skin ever since. Even though I've come so far and improved by leaps and bounds, I've never quite gotten over being physically self-conscious. Although that feeling has toned down considerably since those dark days of self-bashing and deep-seated self-loathing, I've never really been able to shake it off entirely. Yes, I know that everyone struggles with their own insecurities, and may even triumph over 'em if you consciously work to overcome them. Subsequently, I've always figured that I'd have gotten rid of it by now.

I'm still self-conscious about how I look topless. So much so that I've never taken my shirt off even to my closest friends. Sure, I've always been working out regularly and in fact, fitness has become so routine for me and the gym is like my second home. Sure, my body is miles away from what it used to be, and I've grown some muscle on me bones, but I'm still embarrassed that I don't look as good as I should for someone who goes to the gym. To this day, I'm still not able to take my shirt off in public except that one time when I was clubbing in KL on new year's and my friends pulled my shirt off and shoved me on stage. How sad T.T

I still find it difficult to smile in front of the camera, since I'm not the least bit photogenic. Thankfully, my skin has improved dramatically, and I owe it all to Artistry (let me know if your interested). At least I look more pleasant in photos now, but I still dread the stare of the camera occasionally. And I can't endure close-ups. They reveal the nooks and crannies that should be concealed under piles of make-up, but I never wear make-up. Nor do I touch up any of my photos. So, whatever you see on Facebook is the REAL DEAL. Call if pride or whatever you want, but I don't believe in falsifying my own image in a bid to improve the viewers expectation of myself. I believe that should you want to friend me, you should be sincere and like the person that I am. Furthermore, what's the use for you to make photos of yourself so utterly gorgeous, only to end up bombing the person's expectation when he/she finally meets you? Potong steam I tell you. Might as well be just who you are =)

Yeah, I know this post is supposed to be about me being all self-conscious, but I gotta insert something positive in there. A long time ago, I've made up my mind to avoid negative stuff or be whiny about myself. When I started this blog, it was more about self-expression, whether it be good or bad. However, my posts were more negative back then. So I'm glad to say, it's taken a turn for the better in recent years. And my posts are way happier these days =)

My Biggest Fear

I had an short but interesting discussion with some of my gal pals when I was in KL last weekend. The subject was on gays getting married and I don't mean the gay kind. One of my biggest fears is that I will end up old and alone, rotting away with no one to take care of me. I really understand why parents keep pushing for their children to get married, and a huge part of it is for this reason alone. Parents hope that their son or daughter will settle down, start their own family and be taken care of in old age. No parent wants their child to be left old and alone. Even if their intention is not to start family, there is still the hope that they would at least get married for companionship, just to have someone to grow old with and look after each other. I know the lot of you might respond that you can take care of yourself. You can certainly say that when you're young. But when old age arrives, illnesses tend to follow. Who will take care of you then if you're all alone? That thought really scares the bejesus out of me.

Even gay people would like children some day, if possible. I know I'd love to have kids some day. I guess at this age, my paternal instinct is just catching up. I love the idea of having a little Pooh running around. Someone with lots of laughs, smiles and hugs (and I'm not talking about the little devil). Someone I can impart my wisdom and values to. Someone I can watch grow up and be proud.

But then, I have no idea if I'm able to do it, and I DON'T mean the sex part. Would me getting married mean that I'm abandoning part of my identity? Would I just be selfish for getting married just to have kids? Would that even be fair to her at all? Would I be able to love her and endure the marriage? Or would I snap one day and just go back to being who I am? How devastating would it be if the marriage landed in shambles because I couldn't stand being in a straight marriage? How would she feel if she knows about me? Do I even tell her? Can I endure not ever telling her? What if I get married and realize it was all a mistake? Do I even want to risk that? What IF I don't risk it and then regret it for the rest of my life?

Some many questions about the future run through my head sometimes, and I don't really know where to go. I REALLY don't want to end up old, alone, sick and neglected. And I don't know if I can handle a marriage, but I'd love to start my own family. One of my gal pals actually suggested that I marry a lesbian. We could at least take care of each other and shut our families up, until they start asking for babies that is.

Sigh, am I just thinking too much?

What would you do?

It Gets Better

Prompted by the recent suicide of 15-year-old Billy Lucas, who reportedly suffered homophobic harassment at Indiana's Greensburg High School, columnist and author Dan Savage has launched the It Gets Better Project, a campaign on YouTube that's meant to assure young people that no matter what they are experiencing, including family rejection, bullying or harassment, there is a future beyond high school. Savage created the site in conjunction with World Suicide Prevention Day, held earlier this month. Dan Savage is sending a message to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender teens: It will get better, really!

Coverage on Billy Lucas:

Dan and husband Terry.

Even Perez Hilton is apart of this.

A couple of random clips from the project.

I think that this is a tremendous idea. Sometimes we think that there is nothing outside our bad situation, but there is. And the 'It Gets Better' project is exactly the kind of outreach that we need. Having people who've experienced similar hardships to share their life's journey and deliver the hope of a much better future could change lives, or help those in the same situation to hang on until the storm finally passes.

No doubt, it's a lot tougher for the Asian LGBT community, as conservative discrimination, narrow-minded intolerance and ignorance still run rampant. Although the situation here in Malaysia is still largely intolerant towards the LGBT community, viewing the videos gave me hope. That however shitty the situation we're in, it won't be shitty forever.

Go ahead, check out the videos in the channel.

Self Defense and Safety Tips - Part 2

Part 2 is more about crime prevention and how to save yourself in certain situations.

1. Learned this from a tourist guide. If a robber asks for your wallet or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you! Chances are that he is more interested in your wallet or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

2. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail-lights and stick your arm out the hole & start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

3. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc and just sit there doing their cheque book, or making a list, etc. STOP DOING THIS! The predator may be watching you and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE!

4. Before getting into your car, BE AWARE. Look around you, look into your car,
at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat.

5. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their female victims by pulling them into their vans while they are attempting to get into their cars.

6. Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and on the passenger side. If a man is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall or work place and get a guard or policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY.

7. If you wake up in the middle of the night to hear all your taps outside running, or what you think is a burst pipe, DO NOT GO OUT TO INVESTIGATE! These people turn on all your outside taps full force so that you will go out to investigate and then attack.

8. When you walk along the road, always walk facing the traffic if you can, so that you can see whoever that's coming towards you. This is also a common sense to avoid getting hit by a vehicle from behind.

9. Especially at night, ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot.

10. Ladies, if you're waking along the road, wear or hold your hand bag or purse on the side that's not facing the road. And ALWAYS be aware of any suspicious characters lingering around you. Don't just walk mindlessly. (I've seen a woman get her handbag snatched right in front of me coz she was just simply walking and swinging her expensive handbag)

11. LOCK your car AS SOON AS you get in. I know it's the same emphasis as #3 but it can really save your life to be paranoid here. It can take someone a split second to just open the door and enter after you got in, especially if they have been stalking you unnoticed. It will be too late once they get in. That is how a lot of kidnapping or robbery cases via car-jacking happens.

12. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! If you feel that corridor feels unsafe, someone suspicious is lurking nearby or might be following you, or something bad is about to happen, trust your instincts and take action. Quickly run, go into a public place, locate the nearest security/police area or turn back. Don't risk it because of your ego. It's not worth it.

13. If you are driving and notice that you're being followed or if someone is attempting to stop you, NEVER stop on the road. Always KEEP MOVING so that the predator cannot get to you. Drive to the nearest police station or somewhere public where you can get help.

Be safe =)

Self Defense and Safety Tips - Part 1

You can NEVER be too cautious these days. Crime can and WILL happen at any moment, especially when you least expect it. That is why I'm compelled to share these self-defense tips that I've received over the years. Today's post is going to be about assault and robbery:

1. Your elbow and knees are the strongest points on your body (why do you think Muay Thai fighters use them so much). If you are close enough to use it, don't hesitate!

2. For anyone who can't throw a proper punch, use the base of your palm (the point where your wrist connects to your palm). It is one of the hardest parts of your hand. This tip is especially good for women.

3. If the assailant is in front of you and you have a chance to hit him, hit that bastard where it's gonna hurt...BAD. He's not going to play fair, so why should you? Aim for the groin, throat, ribcage, eyes and nose. Here's what you can do:

a) Knee him in the groin as hard as you can.

b) Elbow him repeatedly into his ribcage or his face.

c) Claw at his eyes (this is good for ladies, especially if you have long nails). Don't hesitate to poke his eyes out.

d) Use the base of your palm and hit him repeatedly at the nose. It's gonna be really painful, especially if you manage to break it.

e) If you're able to land a punch, punch his throat. Aim for his Adam's apple.

4. If you're being held from behind, I've read a few tips on how to free yourself:

a) If there is a wall behind you, shove yourself backwards as hard as you can and hit the assailant against the wall. This will momentarily knock the wind out of him.

b) If you're able to move your arms, try to get a hold on one of his fingers and twist it backwards really hard (it's really painful, try it if you don't believe me). Don't worry about breaking it. In fact, it's better if you do.

c) If you can't move your arms, stomp on his FEET really hard. This may not seem obvious at first but it can really hurt and may temporarily loosen his grip.

5. As cliche as it might seem, you can always bite whatever body part that is close to your face. And bite HARD.

6. For ladies, keeping longer nails finally might have some merit. If you can't get near his eyes, dig your nails into the assailant's exposed flesh and draw blood.

7. If he has a knife and you're not cornered, turn around and RUN! If he has a knife pointed behind you but doesn't have a hold on you, just BOLT as fast as you can. Preferably run into a PUBLIC AREA.

8. If he has a knife and you're cornered, SCREAM as loud as you can. Usually petty robbers are afraid of drawing attention and will flee.

9. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times and even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, preferably in a zig -zag pattern. (from a police officer)

I'm by no means a self-defense expert. I received these tips are from various sources (usually from emails) which come mostly from self-defense experts and law enforcers to advise people on how to defend themselves.

If you're being robbed, it would be better to give up the money than risk anything else. If the predator's intention is kidnapping, rape or physical harm, that's when you have to start to defend yourself. These predators usually prey on those they think are weaker than themselves. If you've fallen victim, DON'T BE AN EASY VICTIM. Give them hell! Especially if your life is at stake. Chances are they will leave you alone if you can put up a good fight. Whatever happens, don't be afraid to make A LOT of noise to announce that you're in trouble.

Be safe =)

All Grown Up

In less than 3 months, I would be leaving my 20s and becoming a full-fledged adult. The kid in me will need to share the space. Although I believe that I should always strive to look as good and never let myself go, I also believe that one should age gracefully. Aging is a part of life, it is inevitable. How you choose to do it is entirely your choice. With age comes experience, wisdom and maturity.

I may be a little dramatic and bitch about turning 30 sometimes, but the truth is, I like being where I am now. After all these years, I'm proud to say that I've changed a lot for the better. I'm so different now from the person I used to be back then. I have much better self-esteem. I noticed how much I've matured mentally and emotionally. In our youth, we usually let our emotions get ahead of us, leaving behind our thoughts of logic and reason, since we're basically ruled mostly by hormones and emotions.

I'm glad to say that I've left most of that behind, and I don't miss it. The maturity and increased stability now are priceless to me. My thoughts and emotions are a lot more sound and in sync. I'm a lot less impulsive. My actions are guided more by my thoughts rather than emotions. I'm not saying that life doesn't have its ups and down. I do feel a little moody, melancholy and slightly depressed sometimes, but I deal with it much better and get over it a lot faster now. Some things are just not worth being depressed about =)

I tend to see the bigger picture these days. I'm constantly thinking about the future. Sometimes I really need to pull myself back to enjoy the present. My views on a lot of things in life have changed. I tend to focus on stuff that really matters. My sense of judgement have improved tremendously. I always believe that continuous self development and improvement is crucial. The more you learn, grow and improve, the better you will perceive and feel about yourself. And a better person you will be ultimately. I've done a lot of learning, growing and improving these few years, and I'm happy to say that I'm more well-rounded and confident person.

Sometimes I wonder how did I get here. I just wished I knew what I know now back then. I guess the adult in me has really sprung into action. I just hope he doesn't put the child in me into detention =)

Toilet 'Manners'

One of my GREATEST pet peeves is a freakin' dirty toilet. It's a private place where you need to relieve yourself and it should be CLEAN! Here's a few things I just can't stand.

1. It should be fairly common to walk into a Malaysian public toilet cubicle and be met with a toilet seat painted with dirty SHOE PRINTS! Seriously, LEARN to sit or at least take off your damn shoes if you're still bent on squatting to 'drop the kids off at the pool' or even pee (whatever strikes your fancy)!

2. Excuse me sir, does this urinal look like a rubbish bin to you? If you don't pee in trash cans, stop throwing your cigarette butts in the urinals. You can flush till kingdom come, it's still gonna float in there! Geez...

3. I'm sure you've had that dick installed on you since you were born. Unless it's a new one, you should be able to aim properly at point blank range. I don't care if you're staring down a toilet bowl or urinal, aim for where the hole is, NOT around it! Your pee ain't paint, stop decorating the toilet bowl and floor with it! What? Still can't aim properly you say? Ask the person next to you or a friend to hold it for you while you pee, but 2-3 shakes after that is enough though. Coz you know, any more shakes and well, kittens will die or something...

4. You need to stand close to the urinal when you pee, unless your dong is really that huge. So, stop testing fate and multi-tasking and see if your spit will land in the urinal while you pee. NO ONE wants to stare at a pool of thick, plegmy, sometimes yellowish spittle on top of the urinal when they pee! Go spit in the sink or toilet bowl instead.

5. Unless you're retarded, have no hands or have Alzheimer's, please please oh dear God in heaven please FLUSH after doing your business! I'm tempted to think you don't clean the brown eye afterwards neither. I find it nauseating to see the concentrated pee with crumpled tissues and poop floating in its midst, and worse...SMELLING IT TOO!

6. It scares the bejesus out of me when I see smeared poop on cubicle walls. Either that guy had a weird hobby or didn't have tissue had to use his fingers. Luckily, this is rare.

So, what else did I miss? Care to add any of your toilet pet peeves?

A Very Close Shave

Yesterday, something almost happened that would have changed my life forever.

It was the early evening after work. I was a slightly groggy but still very much alert. I had just exited the Jelutong expressway via the Pantai Jerejak exit and made a U-turn around the Queensbay roundabout, which was my usual route when coming home from work. Right before I entered a small overhead bridge into Pantai Jerejak, I saw two motorcycles parked on the left, and a group of people with umbrellas near it. As I entered the left lane and passed that scene, what I thought was an accident turned out to be four ladies, each with an umbrella of different color, walking between the parked motorcycles to get through. I was distracted for about 4-5 seconds.

When my eyes shifted to the front again, I was stunned when I saw three men pushing a car up the bridge right in front of me! How did I NOT SEE THEM as I was going up the bridge? I was moving at about 50-60 kph at the time and when I saw them, I was only about 2 cars away. In a fit of utter shock, I knew in a split second I HAD TO slam the brakes. I don't know why or how, but when I lifted my foot from the accelerator to hit the brakes, it got caught UNDERNEATH the brake pedal! My right leg must've shifted a little when I was jolted with shock. It was like something out of Final Destination.

In the brink of panic, I immediately SWERVED my car to the right and NARROWLY avoided the guy pushing on the right. There was no screeching of tires, nor did I even have time to honk, so I doubt they even noticed. What good would honking do anyway? At that speed and distance, when they turned around to even look, it would've been too late. Thank God there weren't any cars or motorists on my right when I swerved. I really didn't have time to even take glimpse at right rear-view mirror to check.

After that REALLY close shave, I was terribly shaken, dumbstruck and in shock. My mind raced over what almost happened and I thanked God OVER AND OVER again for not letting something truly horrible transpire. I couldn't sleep last night. Horrible images of what could have happened kept flooding my mind, triggering fear and anguish. What if I swerved and there were other vehicles or motorist on my right? What if I didn't manage to swerve and hit all three of them straight on without any BRAKES? What if I swerved, hit a vehicle and without a chance to hit the brakes, still slammed into the men? Imagine what would happen if I had crashed into them head-on? All three of them would suffer the brute force of the crash and be crushed between two vehicles, mine and the one they were pushing uphill. I had almost killed three people and they didn't even know it. They wouldn't have even seen it coming. In a split second, ours lives would have taken an ugly twist, something that would've been irreparable and mar our lives forever.

NEVER had I been so grateful to God for watching over me and not letting something as horrific as this happen. I would've been scarred for life if it did.

Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Never Give Up

I love this =)

So, you think YOU had problems. Whatever you do, never give up on yourself...because God won't neither.

"There is no point being perfect on the outside, when you're broken on the inside" - Nick Vujicic

The Day I Stopped Loving Myself

Warning: This is a LONG post.

This is a blog entry by a fellow blogger who bravely revealed one of the darkest episodes of his life. I felt that it was deeply moving and really wanted to re-post it here to share with all of you.

The night was still. It was quiet except for the sound of my own breathing. The rope was around my neck. I let it caress my neck and it tightened into a loop. I wanted to die by asphyxiation, suffocating myself to death. They say right before you die, your life flashes before your eyes. It is true. At the age of seventeen, my whole life flashed before my eyes. It wasn’t my entire life from childhood to present but the thing that mattered most to me. I guess I never knew how important that matter was in my young mind until that very day. Right before I tried to kill myself, images of my family started flashing in my mind. And I felt this deep, intense love inside my heart. A love that was stronger than the desire to end my life at that very moment. I thought of my family, especially my mother, the one I was closest to. I couldn’t let go of them even though I had decided to let go of my own life. There was this heaviness in my heart, making me not wanting to leave them. I thought I wanted to leave this world behind. But I didn’t want to leave them behind. I couldn’t.

I took my head out of the loop and started gasping for air. Then I burst into tears. I never cried so hard in my life. I cried until my nose become blocked and started to run with secretions. I cried until I couldn’t see from all the tears. I cried till there was a puddle of water on the pillow. I stifled my cries with the pillow so my sleeping family members would not hear. I cried until exhaustion kicked in and fell into sleep.

I woke up to the bright morning sun the next day. Like the rays of sunshine penetrating my room, I felt that my life has changed and I wanted to start anew. I pretended nothing was wrong. I thought my eyes were puffy but I didn’t think my parents noticed. I haven’t eaten for days and my parents were just glad I was going to the kitchen for some breakfast. I had been depressed for months but the past few days have been the lowest point in my life, before spiraling into the night of my suicidal attempt. I became as dark as the December storm, unlike my usual sunny self.

Last night, after my suicide attempt, I realized that there was more to life. I need to be more responsible to myself and the people around me. Dying will not solve the problem. Most importantly, I love my father, mother, brother and sister too much to leave them. I finished my breakfast alone, quietly. I was starving, from my many days of self-imposed ‘fasting’.

I heard a sound as I went upstairs to my bedroom. I started running to my room as fast as I can. “No, NO, NO,” I screamed inside my head as thoughts went through my mind. I did not lock the door and someone must have went in and saw something they should not see.

It was mom. She was crying uncontrollably. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. Her eyes were red. She looked at me and asked, “WHY? WHY?”

When I saw her cried, I started crying too. I felt defeated and just sank to the ground. My knees turned weak. She had searched through my room as I was having breakfast in the kitchen. I should’ve locked the room. I thought I hid everything. How could I be so careless?

She found my suicide notes hidden under the mattress. She just asked why and kept crying. I cried too. I saw the anger in her eyes. I saw the disappointment in her eyes. I saw the sadness in her eyes. I didn’t know what to say. I disappointed her as her favourite child. I was the strongest in her eyes. The brightest one. And yet, now, I felt like I am the most worthless.

I felt helpless as I continued to look at her crying. Seeing your mother cry while discovering your darkest secret will break even the strongest heart. She discovered and read all the little pieces of suicide notes I left for them had I successfully killed myself last night.

Both my mom and I could barely speak as our voices were choked by tears and emotions. Time seemed to stopped and we just stood there crying, and looking at each other. I hugged her and told her I am sorry. Told her that I love her. She hugged me back, still crying, but did not say anything.

Until this day, my mom doesn’t quite know the reason I attempted suicide. She thought I was broken hearted over breaking up with a girl. We never talked about this dark day that happened in our lives. It was something we try to avoid. My suicide attempt occurred during Chinese New Year. For the next few years, Chinese New Year was never the same again. Sometimes, when I am alone with her, she would casually bring this up and ask me what happened that day without specifically pointing to the incident. We both knew which event she was referring to but I always brushed it off and changed the subject. When she sensed a change in emotion, with the air suddenly tensed, she would stop pursuing the matter, and become quiet.

The real reason I wanted to die was because I could not accept my own sexuality. Sometimes, you know about it all your life, since childhood. But at 17, reality suddenly hits and I understand how being different is not a good thing. My mother would never accept me for who I am. Society would not accept people like me. I thought I was a freak. A mistake of God. I was abnormal. I had perverted desires. I had no reason to live on this earth as a freak. I took some time to accept myself. Thanks to the resources from the Internet on sexuality and my ex, whom I eventually found love. I thought I was going to be happy again. Little did I know, accepting my sexuality was only the beginning of a journey. One that would not be easy.

We've all been there. In our younger days, we've been brainwashed by those around us to think that our very existence is an abomination, that of sin incarnate. In our own innocence and ignorance, we've been led to believe that everything about our sexuality is wrong, a perversion frown upon by our Maker, a mental disease that needs to be cure, or whatever narrow-minded, erred perception that society will impose. We've been told that we've made the wrong 'choice' and if we don't change our ways, we're destined for fire and brimstone in the afterlife. We've been told so many things that would break our spirit, spawn self-loathing, and perpetually confuse our minds. All because of ignorant, yet pernicious perceptions imposed by those who think they know it all, making it so difficult to accept ourselves for who we are.

As we progress in life, we face further discrimination for being who we are, either directly or otherwise. We're constantly in fear that people will turn their backs on us when they find out, especially the ones whom we love and cherish the most. Most of the time, we have to put on a social mask just to blend in, depending on the crowd and situation. We face overwhelming pressure to conform to the norms of the sexual majority.

All of us have doubts, insecurities and fear that plague us. At some point in our life, we may be tempted to choose the 'easy' way out. A thought is just a thought unless translated into action. Let it be a fleeting one and never re-visit that thought again. However hard and bleak it may seem, hope never dies. Our lives are a gift, regardless how crappy it is sometimes. We are as God made us, and when the world turns against us, He will always love us. I truly believe that our actions and heart which governs those actions, are the things that MATTER THE MOST. Not your age, the color of your skin, your sexuality etc.

I'm very glad that you didn't become another Bobby. The love you had within saved you, making you take a step back from an untimely end. Death is never the answer.

This Is Why You're Fat

Got these from thisiswhyyourefat.com.

The Steakinator
2 8oz Prime Angus steaks with braised short rib, cheddar cheese, bacon and a fried egg on a toasted cheese and garlic sourdough bun.

The Meat-Up
Ground Beef, topped with 2 pepperoni logs, stuffed with Cheez Whiz, topped with a layer of bacon, topped with a layer of mozzarella cheese slices, topped with more bacon, topped with meatballs and served with brown gravy.

Deep Fried Chocolate Cake
Battered and deep fried slices of chocolate cake served with whipped cream and chocolate sauce.

Powdered Pancake Donut Surprise
Inspired by the favorite desert of the character, Cartman, on “South Park,” 9 12” pancakes with 2 sticks of butter, 1 cup of chocolate syrup and 1 cup of maple syrup between each layer, all topped with powdered donuts and powdered sugar.

Triflebetes
A trifle dessert whose layers from top to bottom include: sugar crystals, cotton candy, Butterfinger pieces, melted Caramels, Twinkies, peanut butter mousse, Rice Krispy treats, chocolate syrup, melted candy bar, peppermint cookies, Girl Scout Thin Mints, white chocolate pudding, Crème Horns, melted butterscotch and Brownies.

El Niño
Ground beef, sauteed onions, sour cream, lettuce, tomato and cheddar cheese wrapped in a large pepperoni pizza, totaling three pounds.

The Sex Panther
Breaded schnitzel, bacon, cheese, ham and steak in a hollowed out bun.

The Fat Bastard Burger
Burger with triple beef, triple bacon, triple cheese and caramelized onions.

Max Brenner’s Chocolate Pizza
Pizza topped with double melted chocolate chunks, melted marshmallows and candied hazelnut crunch bits.

The Big Fat Ugly
A sandwich filled with four cheeseburgers, a double cheesesteak, a chicken cheesesteak, gyro meat, grilled chicken, bacon, sausage, mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers, chicken nuggets, mac n’ cheese bites, fried mushrooms, jalapeño poppers, pizza bites, onion rings, hash browns, American cheese, mayo, and ketchup on two rolls.

Double Bypass Burger
A burger topped with five slices of bacon, four slices of cheese, two fried eggs, mayo, lettuce, tomato, and onion between two grilled cheese sandwiches.

Ultimate Biscuits
Three biscuits topped with ham, pork sausage, bacon, cheese, two over easy eggs, and gravy.

The 30,000 Calorie Sandwich
Sandwich filled with ground beef, bacon, corn dogs, ham, pastrami, roast beef, bratwurst, braunschweiger and turkey, topped with fried mushrooms, onion rings, swiss/provolone/cheddar/feta/parmesan cheeses, lettuce and butter on a loaf white bread.

And these are just a fraction of the pics, loads more at thisiswhyyourefat.com. Seriously, why would people even come up with these stuff? Everything is mostly heavily deep-fried, loaded with appalling amounts of processed carbs, sugar, fat and sodium. Not to mention the portion sizes are ludicrously huge. Caloric content would be through the roof and each would probably contain enough calories to kill a baby elephant. And most of them don't even look edible to me. In fact, most, if not all of them look REALLY disgusting. Looking these absurd 'franken foods', I can't help but think that they are inspired by mindless, irresponsible gluttony.

No wonder the world is eating itself to death...

Meaningful Life Lessons

This is written by 90-year-old Regina Brett of The Plain Dealer from Cleveland, Ohio.

Quote Regina Brett: "To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more." (added my own comments too)

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. (Very true, we always tend to focus too much on the bad side of life. Turn your head around and look at other wonderful things that life has brought you and you'll realize, life isn't really that terrible at all)

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step. (How often do we stop dead on our tracks when paralyzed by doubt? Just attempt to ease forward again with smaller steps)

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. (Hating someone really takes a lot of energy, better spend it on something better for you)

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch. (My mind leaves work behind as soon as I'm done for the day. I believe in work life balance and the time left after work should be spent on yourself or those that really matter to you)

5. Pay off your credit cards every month. (Being in debt will bite you hardest when you're getting broke)

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it. (Come to think of it, sometimes we get so angry and look for someone to blame, but there isn't anyone we can pin it on. Might as well get angry at Him. He should be able to take it =p)

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck. (I ALWAYS believe in saving for the future and especially for a rainy day. You NEVER know when shit might hit the fan and your savings will come in handy)

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. (Yes, my kryptonite as well. If there was a god of chocolate, I'd be the high priest!)

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. (How often do we let our past hold us back from getting the best out of the present and future?)

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. (What I just realized recently, still trying to get used to it)

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks. (I find this very reassuring)

16.Take a deep breath. It calms the mind. (Tried this a few times, it actually works!)

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. (Yeah, remove anything/anyone that has a negative or bad influence in your life. Keep the ones which makes your life better and brighter)

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. (Yes, that's the truth, and it also makes you smarter!)

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20.When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer. (You only have one life. Chase your dreams, live your passions and pursue your interests! To anyone who tries to stop you, SEE #17 above)

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special. (Live everyday like it's your last, so that you can live to the fullest. How often do you hear people say that? It's something we all need to learn to do)

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow. (Those who know me will know that I'm a believer in taking necessary pre-cautions. It's never wrong to prepare for the worst and it's also re-assuring and relieves some stress from the unexpected. You spend less time worrying and more time on what you want/need to do)

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain. (Smart people are SEXY, that's for sure =p)

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. (Still learning to be happy with myself)

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter? (OMG, I love this one. How often do we stress out SO MUCH about a certain bad situation or period of time, when it doesn't really matter in the long run?)

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything. (To err is human, to forgive divine. Everyone makes mistakes and deserves another chance. Even if someone has wronged you, forgiving them takes a HUGE load of your heart. You'd be surprised how much the hurt, hate and grudge can weigh you down)

29. What other people think of you is none of your business. (You can't control what people think of you, but you can control your actions which can influence what people think of you. Do you agree?)

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. (I'm a firm believer in learning to laugh at yourself. Nothing should be taken too seriously, it's just too stressful =p)

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do. (I LOVE THIS ONE!)

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young. (Good one)

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'll grab ours back. (Yeah, this is so true. We always think how bad our life sucks and how huge our problems are, until we get to glimpse what it's like to be in someone else's shoes)

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. (We always think that the grass is always greener on the other side, we don't realize that we already have all the rivers and trees to sustain us)

42. The best is yet to come. (There is always hope)

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

46. Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward. (So true. Only when we look back in life, can we learn and understand all that has happened and how much we've grown throughout our journey!)

I found this incredibly meaningful, so I decided to share it. How often do we actually pen down and collect all the lessons life has taught us? You might be surprised on how much you've learned in your journey through life.

Confessions Of A Gay Guy

I've known that I'm gay for a long time now. About 10 years it seems. Even so, a small part of me has never truly accepted myself, nor made complete peace with that fact. Don't get me wrong, I've never had a problem about being gay. It's just that I still had some confusion and doubts about being the way that I am, lingering at the back of my mind.

Would things have turned out differently if my parents' relationship were not estranged?

Would I have turned out differently if my dad had taken better care of me and shown me proper fatherly love?

Am I really born gay, or did I choose this path early on in my life?

Am I really an abomination, as said by major beliefs and religions?

Am I angering God by being the way that I am?

Does God not love me because I'm gay?
Will I be thrown into the depths of hell when I die?
Is my existence a sin personified?

Am I really the unnatural, disgusting, immoral and perverted being as portrayed by religion?

Would I find myself going straight, getting married someday and raising a family of my own, as perceived as the 'right' thing to do by society?

As I watched the trailer for Prayers For Bobby and read some gay-related articles last week, I've hit some realizations, or affirmation as you might put it, that helped me fully accept and make peace with myself. Some of you might be surprised that I'm a God-fearing person, but I strongly believe that God exists and He watches over us everyday. After recent developments, I've come to realize that...

1. God loves me as I am. This realization is the most important to me, because it finally puts me at peace with myself as a gay person. If He is perfect and His creations are perfect, then He created me perfectly the way He wanted me to be and loves me as I am. It doesn't matter what we are, but it matters more what you do with your time here.

2. I am born the way I am. Even if the whole world shuns me, it will not change this fact. This is not a path or choice that I chose, NOR was it chosen for me by any circumstancial means in the early stages of my life. Furthermore, my first attraction to a boy happened when I hit puberty at 13, even before my parents became truly estranged.

3. There is nothing wrong with me and there is nothing to change. And that is the absolute TRUTH for me. I am gay and I am proud of it. I've never meant or done anything to hurt anyone by being gay. I'm just being myself, just as nature intended.

4. Being gay does NOT make me an abomination, a pervert or an immoral person, regardless what any majority, beliefs or religion says. I am just a normal person born with different sexual orientation but it does NOT define me as a person. My attitude, behavior and actions are what defines me as a person. Anyone, regardless of sexuality, is capable of being a pervert or immoral person.

5. I am equal and deserve similar rights as everyone else. I breathe and love, laugh and cry, hurt and bleed just like everybody else.

If you think that you know better just because you read from some 'book' or listened to a straight person who THINKS that they know more about gay people than gay people, THINK AGAIN! Go talk with a real gay person to understand us better.

PFLAG has landed in Malaysia!

Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays (PFLAG) is a national non-profit organization with over 200,000 members and supporters and over 500 affiliates in the United States. This vast grassroots network is cultivated, resourced and serviced by the PFLAG national office, located in Washington, D.C., the national Board of Directors and 13 Regional Directors.

A Brief History
In 1972, Jeanne Manford started an international movement when she marched with her son Mortie in New York’s Gay Pride Parade. Enraged that her son had been beaten at a gay rights protest two months before while police did nothing, she carried a sign at the Pride march that said, “Parents of Gays: Unite in Support of Our Children.”

30 years later, PFLAG has grown to include more than 500 chapters nationwide, over 200,000 members, supporters, and affiliates, representing the largest chapter network in the struggle for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) rights.

The idea for PFLAG began in 1972 when Jeanne Manford marched with her gay son in New York's Pride Day parade. After many gay and lesbian people ran up to Jeanne during the parade and begged her to talk to their parents, she decided to begin a support group. The first formal meeting took place in March 1973 at a local church. Approximately 20 people attended.

In the next years, through word of mouth and in response to community need, similar groups sprang up around the country, offering "safe havens" and mutual support for parents with gay and lesbian children. Following the 1979 National March for Gay and Lesbian Rights, representatives from these groups met for the first time in Washington, D.C. Click to read more.

Vision and Mission
We, the parents, families and friends of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender persons, celebrate diversity and envision a society that embraces everyone, including those of diverse sexual orientations and gender identities. Only with respect, dignity and equality for all will we reach our full potential as human beings, individually and collectively. PFLAG welcomes the participation and support of all who share in, and hope to realize this vision.

PFLAG promotes the health and well-being of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons, their families and friends through: support, to cope with an adverse society; education, to enlighten an ill-informed public; and advocacy, to end discrimination and to secure equal civil rights. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays provides opportunity for dialogue about sexual orientation and gender identity, and acts to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity. Click to read more.

Official PFLAG Malaysia Support Group
The appointed founder for PFLAG Malaysia is spearheaded by Edwynn, a good friend of mine. If you have Facebook (if you don't have a Facebook account, go join the online social sensation and get one NOW!), go search PFLAG Malaysia to find our group. For any queries, feel free to send an email.

The first PFLAG event
Venue: Club 9 & the 6 Lounge (Opposite Maison KL)
Date: 26th April, 2009
Time: 9pm to 12am

Agenda:
9pm - Time to get your butts there.
9:10pm - Showcase of a movie. (YAY! We're watching a movie!)
11pm - Online conference and talk with people from PFLAG National US and also those who are involved in it.
12am - Meeting adjourned. (Linger around and talk to each other. "Party session")

All are welcome, please feel free to attend and support =)

Lost Generation

This is so simple, yet ingenious.

This video was created for the AARP U@50 video contest and won second place. It is based on the Argentinian Political Advertisement "The Truth" by RECREAR, which is an excellent political advertisement that won the silver lion in the Cannes Lions Contest 2006.

A Story of Faith

I would like to share with you an amazing story that I just discovered last week. To me, it was miraculous, heartfelt and good soup for the soul. I think you'd feel the same way too, especially after you've seen her. It's about a dog. A dog named Faith.

She was born on Christmas Eve in 2002 with 2 healthy hind legs and an abnormal front leg which needed to be amputated. She couldn't walk on all fours like a normal dog. Even her own mother wanted to smother her after she was born. But, along came the Stringfellows who rescued her when she was only 3 weeks old and took her in, nurtured her and gave her all that she needed. Even the vet that they took her to wanted to put her to sleep due to her deformity, which will never allow her to survive, since she couldn't walk on all fours like a normal dog. To survive, she would have to do something incredible, and with the help of her new family, she did.

She learned to walk on ONLY two legs. That's when they decided to name her Faith. I don't think there could be a better name for her.

Since she was discovered, she has touched and inspired many lives. Everywhere she goes, she never fails to amaze and everyone absolutely loves her.

She was even featured on Oprah.

The reason she's so inspiring and adored, is not just because she's special or unique, but because she represents hope. She personifies what faith can do, in the toughest weather and the bleakest circumstances. She was borne with the smallest chance of survival, but with some care, love and faith, this little dog rose from adversity to triumph and live till today. Tell me, how different is her life from ours? All of us are not born into the best of circumstances, but that doesn't mean that it should be that way throughout our lives. We CANNOT choose where we start, but we CAN choose what to do in our journey till the end. The darkest hour might blind you from it, but no matter how small it is, the flickering flame of hope is always there and it never dies. Have faith, be positive and be strong. Hope is always there, take it from Faith =)

PS: Here's Faith's official website.