Somehow, I've lost the will to blog. I don't really have the time nor the energy to write about anything late, which explains my 2 month hiatus. Work has been a bitch and the rat race has intensified over the course of this year. But fret not, that was also the call for me to get pro-active in order to have a better life and future. I'm determined not to stay average or mediocre. I want more than what life has to give right now. I want a better life. A LOT BETTER.
Life is much of a blur sometimes, thanks to my current job. And I'm still striving to get out of it. In fact, wish me luck for an interview this Saturday =)
On brighter note, zai2 and I are back together now, and we've been so for more than 3 months since our 'break-up'. What to do, he's still stuck to me like glue. Someday, I might need to have him surgically removed from me. During the course of our 'break-up', I imagined what life would be like without him. He knew me well, adjusted to my temperaments and even my family liked him. He cheered for my dreams and aspirations, and brought further cheer into my life. We did have a couple of arguments during that time and almost did break-up for real.
Then, I imagined what life would truly be without him, and I would be back to square one. Alone and striving to find that which would fill the void in my heart. Even if I were to find someone else, I would have to go through an entire cycle of mutual discoveries that new couples go through. Why would I want to put myself through all that when one who truly loves me is already in front of me? Doubts faded and a deeper affection arose. At the time when I almost lost him, was the time I found out that I needed him, as he did me.
We're not a perfect couple. We have our ups and downs. We struggle just like everyone else. But, all I know is that the thought of really losing him left me with an aching pain. A sudden, dark void that felt physical. An emptiness devoid of joy. I guess I didn't really feel it when we 'broke-up' because he was always around me. At the height of our arguments, a real break-up was at the brink of coming true. And that was when I found out how much I still loved him. Isn't it a bitch how much you truly appreciate something once it's gone, or almost gone in my case?
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
We Broke Up
We broke up last night. We said our goodbyes, amidst muffled sobs, as we held each other tightly before he left, at a quarter past midnight. I was determined not to cry, but when William tearfully muttered "Goodbye, lou gong" in my arms, I burst into tears as well. We've been together for more than a year, and we shared so many fond memories with each other. We're still good friends and I'm still here for him, and I know that William still loves me very, very much.
In my current circumstances, I just didn't have much time to spend with him, and give him the company and attention that he needs. I have a lot more commitments in my life right now, be it from the job, business and/or family. Even so, every time I wanted to go out, especially during weekends, we would be out together. But now, our outings and personal time together have been scarce. How I wished that life was simpler like few years ago, when I had at lot less to worry about and just enjoyed life a lot more, but life doesn't stay that way forever. The lack of time was really taking a toll on us, especially William.
The deepest thorn in our relationship was that my feelings for him have diminished. I felt that I no longer loved him like I used to. I'm not saying that I totally didn't neither. I still love and care for him to an extent, but not as a BF anymore. I knew this would be painful for him to hear, but I had to be honest with him. Whenever he asked if I loved him, I couldn't bring myself to answer him. I truly believe that you should only tell someone that you love them, only when you really meant it. I didn't want to lie to him and William noticed it as well. Sometimes, I still wonder if it's because of the tiredness or stress that's causing me to feel this way...
My relationship with William was the longest that I've ever had. It was also the most pleasant, loving and happy one. NO ONE has loved me more deeply and passionately as William did, which made me even more guilty when I felt that I didn't reciprocate his feelings. I couldn't give him the love, time and attention that he was meant to have. This wasn't the first time we talked about a break-up, but the third. And this time, we really went with it after really talking it through. I wasn't keen to break up with him, because I was afraid that I would have made a grave mistake. Amongst the few that I've been with, William was the best. But, I can't be in a relationship with someone that I didn't love. It would just be miserable for the both of us, and terribly unfair to him.
It was still painful in the end, and for the most part for William, although both of us cried. William is a deeply emotional person, and I can't help but want to protect him because I feel that he can be so fragile at times. However, I know he will be alright, because I also know that he is stronger than he thinks. I'm in tears as I'm writing this, in grief of letting him go. It was such a difficult decision to make, because I know how sad and painful it would be for him. I can't stand to see William cry, and I can't help but be reduced to tears as well every time he does. It just didn't feel right to go on, since I can't commit to the relationship right now nor give him the love that he so rightfully deserves.
However, a part of me still fears that I might regret this decision. Only time will tell if we eventually end up together again, or move on with our lives. Only time will tell if we were meant to be apart, or just needed a break from the relationship. I woke up this morning with a heavy heart, engulfed with sadness. Even now, I'm a lot more worried and concerned about him than myself.
I will miss zai2 very much, but I'm also glad we didn't go through an ugly break-up. I'm glad that we're still good friend, and both of us need some time to heal. I know that he is still with me, and I will always fondly cherish our memories together.
In my current circumstances, I just didn't have much time to spend with him, and give him the company and attention that he needs. I have a lot more commitments in my life right now, be it from the job, business and/or family. Even so, every time I wanted to go out, especially during weekends, we would be out together. But now, our outings and personal time together have been scarce. How I wished that life was simpler like few years ago, when I had at lot less to worry about and just enjoyed life a lot more, but life doesn't stay that way forever. The lack of time was really taking a toll on us, especially William.
The deepest thorn in our relationship was that my feelings for him have diminished. I felt that I no longer loved him like I used to. I'm not saying that I totally didn't neither. I still love and care for him to an extent, but not as a BF anymore. I knew this would be painful for him to hear, but I had to be honest with him. Whenever he asked if I loved him, I couldn't bring myself to answer him. I truly believe that you should only tell someone that you love them, only when you really meant it. I didn't want to lie to him and William noticed it as well. Sometimes, I still wonder if it's because of the tiredness or stress that's causing me to feel this way...
My relationship with William was the longest that I've ever had. It was also the most pleasant, loving and happy one. NO ONE has loved me more deeply and passionately as William did, which made me even more guilty when I felt that I didn't reciprocate his feelings. I couldn't give him the love, time and attention that he was meant to have. This wasn't the first time we talked about a break-up, but the third. And this time, we really went with it after really talking it through. I wasn't keen to break up with him, because I was afraid that I would have made a grave mistake. Amongst the few that I've been with, William was the best. But, I can't be in a relationship with someone that I didn't love. It would just be miserable for the both of us, and terribly unfair to him.
It was still painful in the end, and for the most part for William, although both of us cried. William is a deeply emotional person, and I can't help but want to protect him because I feel that he can be so fragile at times. However, I know he will be alright, because I also know that he is stronger than he thinks. I'm in tears as I'm writing this, in grief of letting him go. It was such a difficult decision to make, because I know how sad and painful it would be for him. I can't stand to see William cry, and I can't help but be reduced to tears as well every time he does. It just didn't feel right to go on, since I can't commit to the relationship right now nor give him the love that he so rightfully deserves.
However, a part of me still fears that I might regret this decision. Only time will tell if we eventually end up together again, or move on with our lives. Only time will tell if we were meant to be apart, or just needed a break from the relationship. I woke up this morning with a heavy heart, engulfed with sadness. Even now, I'm a lot more worried and concerned about him than myself.
I will miss zai2 very much, but I'm also glad we didn't go through an ugly break-up. I'm glad that we're still good friend, and both of us need some time to heal. I know that he is still with me, and I will always fondly cherish our memories together.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
You're A Firework
I really LISTENED to Katy Perry's new song, and what it says really speaks to me. I think it's an amazing and beautiful song.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag Drifting through the wind Wanting to start again Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin Like a house of cards One blow from cavin' in Do you ever feel already buried deep Six feet under screams And no one seems to hear a thing Do you know that there's still a chance for you Cause there's a spark in you You just gotta ignite the light And let it shine Just own the night Like the Fourth of July Cause baby you're a firework Come on show 'em what your worth Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" As you shoot across the sky-y-y Baby you're a firework Come on let your colors burst Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own You don't have to feel like a waste of space You're original, cannot be replaced If you only knew what the future holds After a hurricane comes a rainbow Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow And when it's time you'll know You just gotta ignite the light And let it shine Just own the night Like the Fourth of July Cause baby you're a firework Come on show 'em what your worth Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" As you shoot across the sky-y-y Baby you're a firework Come on let your colors burst Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own Boom, boom, boom Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon It's always been inside of you, you, you And now it's time to let it through Cause baby you're a firework Come on show 'em what your worth Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" As you shoot across the sky-y-y Baby you're a firework Come on let your colors burst Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" You're gonna leave 'em goin "Oh, oh, oh!" Boom, boom, boom Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon Boom, boom, boom Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Hope seems so bleak and distant at times. We stop ourselves from enjoying life because we think that we are not good enough, even worthless compared to those around us, when no one actually sees us that way. We hide ourselves for fear of being different. It's time to do what's right. It's time to stand up and stop letting fear halt our tracks. It's time to ignite the light and unleash the fireworks within us. It's time to be the person we were meant to be, and live life as how we should be.
We are all uniquely orginal, beautiful and are stronger and more resilient than we think =)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag Drifting through the wind Wanting to start again Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin Like a house of cards One blow from cavin' in Do you ever feel already buried deep Six feet under screams And no one seems to hear a thing Do you know that there's still a chance for you Cause there's a spark in you You just gotta ignite the light And let it shine Just own the night Like the Fourth of July Cause baby you're a firework Come on show 'em what your worth Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" As you shoot across the sky-y-y Baby you're a firework Come on let your colors burst Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own You don't have to feel like a waste of space You're original, cannot be replaced If you only knew what the future holds After a hurricane comes a rainbow Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow And when it's time you'll know You just gotta ignite the light And let it shine Just own the night Like the Fourth of July Cause baby you're a firework Come on show 'em what your worth Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" As you shoot across the sky-y-y Baby you're a firework Come on let your colors burst Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own Boom, boom, boom Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon It's always been inside of you, you, you And now it's time to let it through Cause baby you're a firework Come on show 'em what your worth Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" As you shoot across the sky-y-y Baby you're a firework Come on let your colors burst Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" You're gonna leave 'em goin "Oh, oh, oh!" Boom, boom, boom Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon Boom, boom, boom Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Hope seems so bleak and distant at times. We stop ourselves from enjoying life because we think that we are not good enough, even worthless compared to those around us, when no one actually sees us that way. We hide ourselves for fear of being different. It's time to do what's right. It's time to stand up and stop letting fear halt our tracks. It's time to ignite the light and unleash the fireworks within us. It's time to be the person we were meant to be, and live life as how we should be.
We are all uniquely orginal, beautiful and are stronger and more resilient than we think =)
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Just The Way You Are
Ever since I watched the Glee version of this song, I fell in love with it more.
Simply love the message of the song. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, inside and out. Collectively, we are each unique yet gorgeous as one.
I know I've been slacking off a little on my blog lately, especially in the last 2 month. Life has just been a handful lately. Will try to blog more ya =)
Simply love the message of the song. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, inside and out. Collectively, we are each unique yet gorgeous as one.
I know I've been slacking off a little on my blog lately, especially in the last 2 month. Life has just been a handful lately. Will try to blog more ya =)
Thursday, November 11, 2010
My Dearest Mimi
A fellow blogger Calvin just posted about the loss of his pet dog, and this triggered memories of my own pets. I'm an animal lover. In fact, when first deciding a career, I had wanted to be a vet. Due to circumstances in those days, being a good vet meant overseas education. Money was a huge issue so I had to ditch that dream. As a kid, I'm also constantly fascinated by nature. In those days, National Geographic was the only series available to engross myself in the natural world.
I kept numerous pets as a kid. One of my fondest was my first pet kitten. God, how I adored her, and weirdly enough, mum who didn't like furry creatures about the house didn't seem to mind her either. I can still remember where I found her. In my kindergarten years, I lived in amongst a row of houses situated behind a row of shops and eateries. I would cruise in and out of those shops at my leisure, until the owners practically knew me and didn't mind. I even befriended some of the owner's children. A common sight in those shops were stray cats and kittens lingering about. I decided, after some persuasion from the kids there, to adopt two rather thin-looking kittens. Took both of 'em home, but one decided to leave after a day or two, so we took care of the one remaining and named her Mimi.
Mimi was the life of the house. I would play with her for hours. Grandma, who was still alive at the time, was responsible for feeding and 'disciplining' her. Seriously, she had a magic touch, and also a 'lidi' in her hand at the time. Mimi was so disciplined that she would only poop in the toilet next to the drain hole, or run outside and do her business somewhere in the garden. During meal times, she would never jump to the table or steal food, she brushed herself against our feet under that table, meowing softly until we fed her after dinner. It was so endearing and we didn't mind. Every time mum wanted to clean the floor, she would just hop onto the couch and sit there watching the broom or mop move, never budging or trying to chase the broom/mop. Bath times were fun. Sometimes mum and I would clean her when she was giving me my bath. She was always a clean little kitty, even when we allowed her to roam outside. I even made her a little cat house with a couple of boxes, complete with windows and a porch, which she totally didn't use, being active and all. Whenever I lay of the floor in the afternoon for a nap, Mimi would always climb and fall asleep on my warm belly, much to mum's amusement.
Once, my cousins came visiting and decided to feed her chocolates. They left a trail of tiny bits and Mimi would follow, nibbling each morsel. Big mistake, as the next morning, Mimi left a trail of vomit everywhere she went. And for the rest of the day, she kept coughing, heaving and was weak even a few days after that. Another incident that remain etched in my mind was one of the weekends when our family would go for outings, which I loved. Dad was hurrying us out in the porch and mum was rushing to finish folding the clothes and closed the drawer. I called out to Mimi everywhere, but she couldn't be found. Dad got impatient so we just went out anyway. When we returned 4-5 hours later, Mimi was still nowhere to be found. As I called to her, we suddenly heard a faint scratching sound.
Every time we called her name, the sound would appear, although rather faint. It was baffling but eventually, we traced the sound back to the drawer, pull it open and out she jumped. She looked at us, meowing softly and walked kinda wobbly. Poor little thing must've either been hungry, suffocating or traumatized, being stuck in the tiny drawer for hours in the dark. She must've jumped into the drawer while mum was distracted and didn't notice her among the clothes. Luckily, I brought home some leftover Big Mac that day.
One fateful day when dad drove home from work, I went to open the front gate as Mimi began racing to the front when she heard the car. She was fond of everyone in the family and usually greets everyone when they came home at the gate. Dad shouted for me to grab her and take her inside before he could drive in. Being the kid, I just grabbed her and flung her into the garden. After doing some flips in the air, Mimi landed on the ground perfectly on her feet and sprinted past me towards the car. Dad couldn't stop in time as he pulled into the porch...and ran over her right in front of me. I shouted in horror as dad rushed out of the car.
Immediately, Mimi started having spasms and twitched violently. Being so young at the time, even I knew something was horribly wrong and that Mimi was in severe agony. Blood started trickling out of her mouth and nostrils. And soon, the spasms stopped and she lay perfectly still. I sobbed uncontrollably as I watched. I desperately tried to get her to move and breathe. Both mum and dad tried to pacify me. Mum was in shock too. She hadn't seen me cry so profusely before. She began yelling at dad for being so careless but in the end, there was nothing to be done. My beloved Mimi was gone, right before my eyes. That, was my first brush with death and loss of a loved one.
That evening, dad buried her in the soil across the road. Early the next morning, I rummaged through a pile of construction wood that grandma collected and came out with a long and a short piece of wood. I went and got dad's hammer and some nails as well...and in the backyard, I began hammering the two pieces of wood together to form a cross. As I hammered, I couldn't control myself and started crying uncontrollably again. Mum and dad awoke from the sound and ran to the back, alarmed that I might be doing something dangerous. When they found me, I looked at them and mumbled in a shaken voice amidst the intense sobbing that I wanted Mimi to have a proper grave. I think mum cried when she saw what I was doing and heard what I had said. She told me to come inside to clean up while dad finished the cross for me.
When it was done, the three of us went out to Mimi's grave and dad placed the cross on the grave as we said a word of prayer for her. I still cried for weeks after that, whenever I thought of her. And to this day, I still remember my dearest Mimi, after more than 20 years.
Gosh, writing all this made me tear up again...
I kept numerous pets as a kid. One of my fondest was my first pet kitten. God, how I adored her, and weirdly enough, mum who didn't like furry creatures about the house didn't seem to mind her either. I can still remember where I found her. In my kindergarten years, I lived in amongst a row of houses situated behind a row of shops and eateries. I would cruise in and out of those shops at my leisure, until the owners practically knew me and didn't mind. I even befriended some of the owner's children. A common sight in those shops were stray cats and kittens lingering about. I decided, after some persuasion from the kids there, to adopt two rather thin-looking kittens. Took both of 'em home, but one decided to leave after a day or two, so we took care of the one remaining and named her Mimi.
Mimi was the life of the house. I would play with her for hours. Grandma, who was still alive at the time, was responsible for feeding and 'disciplining' her. Seriously, she had a magic touch, and also a 'lidi' in her hand at the time. Mimi was so disciplined that she would only poop in the toilet next to the drain hole, or run outside and do her business somewhere in the garden. During meal times, she would never jump to the table or steal food, she brushed herself against our feet under that table, meowing softly until we fed her after dinner. It was so endearing and we didn't mind. Every time mum wanted to clean the floor, she would just hop onto the couch and sit there watching the broom or mop move, never budging or trying to chase the broom/mop. Bath times were fun. Sometimes mum and I would clean her when she was giving me my bath. She was always a clean little kitty, even when we allowed her to roam outside. I even made her a little cat house with a couple of boxes, complete with windows and a porch, which she totally didn't use, being active and all. Whenever I lay of the floor in the afternoon for a nap, Mimi would always climb and fall asleep on my warm belly, much to mum's amusement.
Once, my cousins came visiting and decided to feed her chocolates. They left a trail of tiny bits and Mimi would follow, nibbling each morsel. Big mistake, as the next morning, Mimi left a trail of vomit everywhere she went. And for the rest of the day, she kept coughing, heaving and was weak even a few days after that. Another incident that remain etched in my mind was one of the weekends when our family would go for outings, which I loved. Dad was hurrying us out in the porch and mum was rushing to finish folding the clothes and closed the drawer. I called out to Mimi everywhere, but she couldn't be found. Dad got impatient so we just went out anyway. When we returned 4-5 hours later, Mimi was still nowhere to be found. As I called to her, we suddenly heard a faint scratching sound.
Every time we called her name, the sound would appear, although rather faint. It was baffling but eventually, we traced the sound back to the drawer, pull it open and out she jumped. She looked at us, meowing softly and walked kinda wobbly. Poor little thing must've either been hungry, suffocating or traumatized, being stuck in the tiny drawer for hours in the dark. She must've jumped into the drawer while mum was distracted and didn't notice her among the clothes. Luckily, I brought home some leftover Big Mac that day.
One fateful day when dad drove home from work, I went to open the front gate as Mimi began racing to the front when she heard the car. She was fond of everyone in the family and usually greets everyone when they came home at the gate. Dad shouted for me to grab her and take her inside before he could drive in. Being the kid, I just grabbed her and flung her into the garden. After doing some flips in the air, Mimi landed on the ground perfectly on her feet and sprinted past me towards the car. Dad couldn't stop in time as he pulled into the porch...and ran over her right in front of me. I shouted in horror as dad rushed out of the car.
Immediately, Mimi started having spasms and twitched violently. Being so young at the time, even I knew something was horribly wrong and that Mimi was in severe agony. Blood started trickling out of her mouth and nostrils. And soon, the spasms stopped and she lay perfectly still. I sobbed uncontrollably as I watched. I desperately tried to get her to move and breathe. Both mum and dad tried to pacify me. Mum was in shock too. She hadn't seen me cry so profusely before. She began yelling at dad for being so careless but in the end, there was nothing to be done. My beloved Mimi was gone, right before my eyes. That, was my first brush with death and loss of a loved one.
That evening, dad buried her in the soil across the road. Early the next morning, I rummaged through a pile of construction wood that grandma collected and came out with a long and a short piece of wood. I went and got dad's hammer and some nails as well...and in the backyard, I began hammering the two pieces of wood together to form a cross. As I hammered, I couldn't control myself and started crying uncontrollably again. Mum and dad awoke from the sound and ran to the back, alarmed that I might be doing something dangerous. When they found me, I looked at them and mumbled in a shaken voice amidst the intense sobbing that I wanted Mimi to have a proper grave. I think mum cried when she saw what I was doing and heard what I had said. She told me to come inside to clean up while dad finished the cross for me.
When it was done, the three of us went out to Mimi's grave and dad placed the cross on the grave as we said a word of prayer for her. I still cried for weeks after that, whenever I thought of her. And to this day, I still remember my dearest Mimi, after more than 20 years.
Gosh, writing all this made me tear up again...
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
The Pooh Is 30!~
Yes, I just turned 30 yesterday. My 20s have gone and a new era has begun. The Pooh has left early adulthood and into his prime...
OMFGWTFBBQ, I'm 30!~
All drama aside, it's not really as bad as I often paint it to be. It's just another number and now that I'm there, I feel more or less happy. I'm a lot wiser and looking forward to the new chapter in my life. No doubt I'll still need to energy to deal with the scandalous little devil, but I think I can handle that.
B'day celebration was a simple one. Dinner @ US Pizza in Nagore road with Shawn, Jamas, Scott, Albin and Dennis. It wasn't a big crowd but I couldn't care less. Any time spent with close friends is always fun and worth it. Zai2 couldn't join coz he had some family issues, so it'll be another celebration by ourselves. Another reason both of us should celebrate is that zai2 finally got the temporary job in HSBC. The pay isn't that much, but at least it'll stop him from saying 'bo lui!' every time I wanna go out with him.
Only 6 of us for dinner, and we ordered 4 large pizzas. We couldn't help it coz there was a promotion of 2 pizzas for the price of 1 every Tuesday. As a result, we felt like hippos after makan. After stuffing our pie holes with the pizza pies, with some leftover to tapau for zai2, came the b'day cake. It was the chocolate mud cake from Secret Recipe and tasted as rich as it looked. We only managed to polish off a quarter of the cake, after Scott and Shawn took compromising pictures of me removing the candles with my mouth.
Too many calories later, we brought the house down with some good-natured bitching and laughs before we called it a night at...10pm. You knowlah, old people can't stay up late d.
Aiks, sudden back pain while posting this, I wonder why ><
Also, I suddenly noticed that I have 30 followers...coincidence?
OMFGWTFBBQ, I'm 30!~
All drama aside, it's not really as bad as I often paint it to be. It's just another number and now that I'm there, I feel more or less happy. I'm a lot wiser and looking forward to the new chapter in my life. No doubt I'll still need to energy to deal with the scandalous little devil, but I think I can handle that.
B'day celebration was a simple one. Dinner @ US Pizza in Nagore road with Shawn, Jamas, Scott, Albin and Dennis. It wasn't a big crowd but I couldn't care less. Any time spent with close friends is always fun and worth it. Zai2 couldn't join coz he had some family issues, so it'll be another celebration by ourselves. Another reason both of us should celebrate is that zai2 finally got the temporary job in HSBC. The pay isn't that much, but at least it'll stop him from saying 'bo lui!' every time I wanna go out with him.
Only 6 of us for dinner, and we ordered 4 large pizzas. We couldn't help it coz there was a promotion of 2 pizzas for the price of 1 every Tuesday. As a result, we felt like hippos after makan. After stuffing our pie holes with the pizza pies, with some leftover to tapau for zai2, came the b'day cake. It was the chocolate mud cake from Secret Recipe and tasted as rich as it looked. We only managed to polish off a quarter of the cake, after Scott and Shawn took compromising pictures of me removing the candles with my mouth.
Too many calories later, we brought the house down with some good-natured bitching and laughs before we called it a night at...10pm. You knowlah, old people can't stay up late d.
Aiks, sudden back pain while posting this, I wonder why ><
Also, I suddenly noticed that I have 30 followers...coincidence?
Monday, September 27, 2010
It Gets Better
Prompted by the recent suicide of 15-year-old Billy Lucas, who reportedly suffered homophobic harassment at Indiana's Greensburg High School, columnist and author Dan Savage has launched the It Gets Better Project, a campaign on YouTube that's meant to assure young people that no matter what they are experiencing, including family rejection, bullying or harassment, there is a future beyond high school. Savage created the site in conjunction with World Suicide Prevention Day, held earlier this month. Dan Savage is sending a message to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender teens: It will get better, really!
Coverage on Billy Lucas:
Dan and husband Terry.
Even Perez Hilton is apart of this.
A couple of random clips from the project.
I think that this is a tremendous idea. Sometimes we think that there is nothing outside our bad situation, but there is. And the 'It Gets Better' project is exactly the kind of outreach that we need. Having people who've experienced similar hardships to share their life's journey and deliver the hope of a much better future could change lives, or help those in the same situation to hang on until the storm finally passes.
No doubt, it's a lot tougher for the Asian LGBT community, as conservative discrimination, narrow-minded intolerance and ignorance still run rampant. Although the situation here in Malaysia is still largely intolerant towards the LGBT community, viewing the videos gave me hope. That however shitty the situation we're in, it won't be shitty forever.
Go ahead, check out the videos in the channel.
Coverage on Billy Lucas:
Dan and husband Terry.
Even Perez Hilton is apart of this.
A couple of random clips from the project.
I think that this is a tremendous idea. Sometimes we think that there is nothing outside our bad situation, but there is. And the 'It Gets Better' project is exactly the kind of outreach that we need. Having people who've experienced similar hardships to share their life's journey and deliver the hope of a much better future could change lives, or help those in the same situation to hang on until the storm finally passes.
No doubt, it's a lot tougher for the Asian LGBT community, as conservative discrimination, narrow-minded intolerance and ignorance still run rampant. Although the situation here in Malaysia is still largely intolerant towards the LGBT community, viewing the videos gave me hope. That however shitty the situation we're in, it won't be shitty forever.
Go ahead, check out the videos in the channel.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Officially 6 Months
I can't believe it's been 6 months since zai2 got hooked by my hunny XD
So, I think I'll make a post to see what I already know about the little devil!~
1. Zai2 loves anything with lots of cream, mayo and/or cheese. You can see his orgasm face when he's eating it. Don't you just hate people who can't get fat?
2. Zai2 can't stand CHOCOLATE. Not out of allergy, just out of hate for the stuff *blasphemous gasp*. Apparently he doesn't like the gooey, sticky texture of chocolate in his mouth.
3. Zai2 is extremely, and I mean EXTREMELY picky about food. He doesn't eat almost any seafood, nuts, durian or anything normal that he feels weird about. Also, he doesn't eat anything in bones or shells unless it's already been removed for him.
4. Zai2 doesn't think that good food is worth it. He thinks that everything ends up as poop so spending money on good food or being a foodie is a waste *fainting gasp*
Pooh: Ok, #2 to #4 alone should be enough for me to 'divorce' him coz it's simply blasphemous in my books, but I didn't. Ah, the things I do for love =D
5. Zai2 likes surprises, something which I'm not very good at ><
6. Zai2 is very auntie, always complaining about the cost of everything. Good thing is that he's very, VERY conscious about anything that he spends, or whatever that I spend on him. =P
7. Zai2 loves strawberries, but he doesn't like the fresh stuff. Instead, he wants the artificially-flavoured ones from soft drink or strawberry ice-cream. So weird kan? ><
8. Zai2 doesn't need me to spend a lot of him, he just wants my company. Awww~
9. Zai2 has special 'sight' or 'senses'. No, he can't tell what color your undies are, or if you're wearing any (unless he goes and molests you). But he can tell if there is 'someone' standing beside you...
10. Zai2 is paranoid about his family finding out about him. So, don't simply tag him in FACEBOOK!
11. Zai2 doesn't like coffee. Apparently the caffeine gives him headaches.
12. Zai2 can be very curious, enough to kill 2 cats.
13. Zai2 had a wet dream about me, twice XD
14. Zai2 loves Baskin Robbins ice-cream. He thinks Haagen Daaz is for old people. ><
15. Zai2 is very talkative. He can go on chattering like a train.
16. Zai2 only weighs 48 kilos. I can literally carry him around on my back like a backpack.
17. Zai2 cannot sleep still one, even when cuddling. Susah betul wanna tidur with him sometimes =P
18. Zai2 is extremely playful and mischievous. Don't be fooled by his innocent, shy demeanor when you first meet him. Once he's familiar with you, habislah you.
19. Zai2 likes to go commando. Now, I also get infected by this habit.
20. Zai2 loves jellybeans.
21. Zai2 loves me like there's no tomorrow =)
Hmmm...wonder if I missed anything? =P
So, I think I'll make a post to see what I already know about the little devil!~
1. Zai2 loves anything with lots of cream, mayo and/or cheese. You can see his orgasm face when he's eating it. Don't you just hate people who can't get fat?
2. Zai2 can't stand CHOCOLATE. Not out of allergy, just out of hate for the stuff *blasphemous gasp*. Apparently he doesn't like the gooey, sticky texture of chocolate in his mouth.
3. Zai2 is extremely, and I mean EXTREMELY picky about food. He doesn't eat almost any seafood, nuts, durian or anything normal that he feels weird about. Also, he doesn't eat anything in bones or shells unless it's already been removed for him.
4. Zai2 doesn't think that good food is worth it. He thinks that everything ends up as poop so spending money on good food or being a foodie is a waste *fainting gasp*
Pooh: Ok, #2 to #4 alone should be enough for me to 'divorce' him coz it's simply blasphemous in my books, but I didn't. Ah, the things I do for love =D
5. Zai2 likes surprises, something which I'm not very good at ><
6. Zai2 is very auntie, always complaining about the cost of everything. Good thing is that he's very, VERY conscious about anything that he spends, or whatever that I spend on him. =P
7. Zai2 loves strawberries, but he doesn't like the fresh stuff. Instead, he wants the artificially-flavoured ones from soft drink or strawberry ice-cream. So weird kan? ><
8. Zai2 doesn't need me to spend a lot of him, he just wants my company. Awww~
9. Zai2 has special 'sight' or 'senses'. No, he can't tell what color your undies are, or if you're wearing any (unless he goes and molests you). But he can tell if there is 'someone' standing beside you...
10. Zai2 is paranoid about his family finding out about him. So, don't simply tag him in FACEBOOK!
11. Zai2 doesn't like coffee. Apparently the caffeine gives him headaches.
12. Zai2 can be very curious, enough to kill 2 cats.
13. Zai2 had a wet dream about me, twice XD
14. Zai2 loves Baskin Robbins ice-cream. He thinks Haagen Daaz is for old people. ><
15. Zai2 is very talkative. He can go on chattering like a train.
16. Zai2 only weighs 48 kilos. I can literally carry him around on my back like a backpack.
17. Zai2 cannot sleep still one, even when cuddling. Susah betul wanna tidur with him sometimes =P
18. Zai2 is extremely playful and mischievous. Don't be fooled by his innocent, shy demeanor when you first meet him. Once he's familiar with you, habislah you.
19. Zai2 likes to go commando. Now, I also get infected by this habit.
20. Zai2 loves jellybeans.
21. Zai2 loves me like there's no tomorrow =)
Hmmm...wonder if I missed anything? =P
Monday, July 19, 2010
Domesticated
It's been more than 4 months (3 months and 17 days to be exact) that we've been together. I realized certain things about me have changed since then. For starters, I've gotten over the transition from being single to a relationship mentally and emotionally. You know how it is. You've been single for some time and your system is still geared towards that singlehood lifestyle. It's kinda like jet lag, when your body was still adjusting to the change in time zone. Any free time was usually 'me' time, especially when your single. Your plans revolved only around you and the time spent with your friends or family. Then that special someone suddenly comes into your life and space, leaving a subtle shock to your system.
So, it takes a little getting used to at first. Planning my weekly or daily activities would no longer involve just me, but the both of us. Whatever free time I had, provided zai2 was available as well, had to be taken into account. Whatever I did, I had to take both of us into account. Weekends were no longer reserved just for friends, but private time with zai2. Don't get any nasty ideas, we're grateful just to be able to spend time with each other, not necessarily all about sex ok?
Another thing that really stood out for me was that I no longer felt the need to go clubbing. In fact, I haven't gone clubbing for more than 3 months, since we got together. It's either I don't have that much time, am quite tired to even ponder it or just didn't feel like it at all, or all of the above. Now, I never believed in hooking up during clubbing (except that one time). Oklah if there was an exchange of numbers during clubbing which would progress by getting to know each other better after that. Nevertheless, clubs aren't a place to really hook up for me, more of enjoying music, dancing and spending time with friends. I'd prefer hanging out in lounges or any other place where people can actually talk and socialize.
Ok, I'm diverging from the point. Hmmm...I'm feelin' domesticatedor getting old.
So, it takes a little getting used to at first. Planning my weekly or daily activities would no longer involve just me, but the both of us. Whatever free time I had, provided zai2 was available as well, had to be taken into account. Whatever I did, I had to take both of us into account. Weekends were no longer reserved just for friends, but private time with zai2. Don't get any nasty ideas, we're grateful just to be able to spend time with each other, not necessarily all about sex ok?
Another thing that really stood out for me was that I no longer felt the need to go clubbing. In fact, I haven't gone clubbing for more than 3 months, since we got together. It's either I don't have that much time, am quite tired to even ponder it or just didn't feel like it at all, or all of the above. Now, I never believed in hooking up during clubbing (except that one time). Oklah if there was an exchange of numbers during clubbing which would progress by getting to know each other better after that. Nevertheless, clubs aren't a place to really hook up for me, more of enjoying music, dancing and spending time with friends. I'd prefer hanging out in lounges or any other place where people can actually talk and socialize.
Ok, I'm diverging from the point. Hmmm...I'm feelin' domesticated
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Lovely Poem
Zai2 wrote a lovely poem in FB and tagged me. I got rather upset with his last post, so we talked about it that day and everything was alright after that. As I suspected, he didn't realize what he was doing and caused some misunderstanding.
I woke up feeling blue,
You text-ed me like you'd always do,
The love of yours did I see through,
As fiery as it is true,
You'd never stopped feeding me,
But I was always ever hungry,
Never once did you get angry,
How selfish of me!
Damn my head keeps singing Alejandro,
It feels like I am about to blow,
As I thought of you I glowed,
It's 5AM now and I feel Drow,
Worry kept etching on my face,
Should be reminded of my pace,
Let us be slow and not a race,
Embrace till the end of our grace.
Be reminded we are just human,
Mistakes will we tend to do,
Treachery, blasphemy and semen,
Be calm, composed and cool.
Zai2 should definitely stick to poems =P
I woke up feeling blue,
You text-ed me like you'd always do,
The love of yours did I see through,
As fiery as it is true,
You'd never stopped feeding me,
But I was always ever hungry,
Never once did you get angry,
How selfish of me!
Damn my head keeps singing Alejandro,
It feels like I am about to blow,
As I thought of you I glowed,
It's 5AM now and I feel Drow,
Worry kept etching on my face,
Should be reminded of my pace,
Let us be slow and not a race,
Embrace till the end of our grace.
Be reminded we are just human,
Mistakes will we tend to do,
Treachery, blasphemy and semen,
Be calm, composed and cool.
Zai2 should definitely stick to poems =P
Sunday, April 18, 2010
So Far, So Good
It's been a busy week, hence the lack of updates.
Times flies. It's already a month and a half since we both got together. Nothing much has changed, we're still all over each other, although we get to meet only 2-3 times a week. I feel very comfortable when I'm around him. There's no need to constantly try to please him or be worried that I might anger him. We can be ourselves all the time. He's usually the childish, adventurous and cheeky one, while I compliment him with a matured, firmer demeanor (orang tua like that one). He can be exceedingly curious and do or say something weird, which would usually warrant a 'look' from me. We can talk about anything and everything, and that's very important to me. Someone that I can't talk to will definitely spell the early end of the relationship. It also really helps that he is pretty good-natured, making him more pleasant to be around.
His manja-ness can make the air molasses-thick with sweetness. His constant cute smiles and perky laughs make each second spent worthwhile. His shyness can be beyond adorable, so much so that I like to purposely make him feel shy in public sometimes. It's endearing when he tries to hide behind me =)
To him, I'm both his love and his mentor, someone who can teach me the ropes in life. To me, he's the chamber in my heart that I retreat to when I need to feel warmth that translates into a silly grin on my face. So far, we're doing pretty well. I don't feel bogged down nor shackled when I'm with him. At the moment, he's like a piece of puzzle that fits perfectly. We compliment each other in more ways than one.
I know that he loves and adores me so much. To the point that I'm afraid that I might hurt him, even accidentally. Our future is incomprehensible, so I don't wanna predict where this will go. I just like where we are right now.
Hehe, I'm going out on a limb here by saying that he CAN be such a little devil (go ask him why). So that leaves me to be the angel to maintain order XD
Love you zaizai =)
Times flies. It's already a month and a half since we both got together. Nothing much has changed, we're still all over each other, although we get to meet only 2-3 times a week. I feel very comfortable when I'm around him. There's no need to constantly try to please him or be worried that I might anger him. We can be ourselves all the time. He's usually the childish, adventurous and cheeky one, while I compliment him with a matured, firmer demeanor (orang tua like that one). He can be exceedingly curious and do or say something weird, which would usually warrant a 'look' from me. We can talk about anything and everything, and that's very important to me. Someone that I can't talk to will definitely spell the early end of the relationship. It also really helps that he is pretty good-natured, making him more pleasant to be around.
His manja-ness can make the air molasses-thick with sweetness. His constant cute smiles and perky laughs make each second spent worthwhile. His shyness can be beyond adorable, so much so that I like to purposely make him feel shy in public sometimes. It's endearing when he tries to hide behind me =)
To him, I'm both his love and his mentor, someone who can teach me the ropes in life. To me, he's the chamber in my heart that I retreat to when I need to feel warmth that translates into a silly grin on my face. So far, we're doing pretty well. I don't feel bogged down nor shackled when I'm with him. At the moment, he's like a piece of puzzle that fits perfectly. We compliment each other in more ways than one.
I know that he loves and adores me so much. To the point that I'm afraid that I might hurt him, even accidentally. Our future is incomprehensible, so I don't wanna predict where this will go. I just like where we are right now.
Hehe, I'm going out on a limb here by saying that he CAN be such a little devil (go ask him why). So that leaves me to be the angel to maintain order XD
Love you zaizai =)
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Too Fast, Too Furious?
Being in a relationship after only 3 weeks of dating, we both have to admit that it was really fast. Usually I'd take pre-cautions and take more time to assess if I want that someone to be my BF, but lately I've come to the conclusion that it's situational and very dependent on who that person is.
I've been in a few of bad relationships before to smarten up and know that jumping the gun can possibly be as suicidal as attempting to stop a rampaging rhino with your bare hands. All the drama aside, we really like each other and it feels right when we're together. It didn't take much time for me to understand quite a lot about WO. So much so that I don't feel any sense of mistrust towards him. In fact, he can be like an open book sometimes, letting me read him effortlessly =P.
Hehe, WO thinks I'm EVIL coz I understand him that much and know when and how to pamper/manja/pujuk him. I can't help it. That's how I roll. Perhaps sometimes it's just best to go with the flow. At other times, it's better to tread cautiously. In more ways than one, his personality suits me really well and we share quite a few similarities. Like I said, purely situational and individual dependent ^^.
On another note, WO has been reading my blog and getting jealous when he reads about my previous flames. So cute and adorable when he does, coz I get to pujuk him back XD
Wanna cubit him sometimes...XD
I've been in a few of bad relationships before to smarten up and know that jumping the gun can possibly be as suicidal as attempting to stop a rampaging rhino with your bare hands. All the drama aside, we really like each other and it feels right when we're together. It didn't take much time for me to understand quite a lot about WO. So much so that I don't feel any sense of mistrust towards him. In fact, he can be like an open book sometimes, letting me read him effortlessly =P.
Hehe, WO thinks I'm EVIL coz I understand him that much and know when and how to pamper/manja/pujuk him. I can't help it. That's how I roll. Perhaps sometimes it's just best to go with the flow. At other times, it's better to tread cautiously. In more ways than one, his personality suits me really well and we share quite a few similarities. Like I said, purely situational and individual dependent ^^.
On another note, WO has been reading my blog and getting jealous when he reads about my previous flames. So cute and adorable when he does, coz I get to pujuk him back XD
Wanna cubit him sometimes...XD
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
We're Attached
It's official, after spending time together for about 3 weeks, we're attached. And why wouldn't we be when we adore each other so much? I dare say that I've never been so smitten, but I suspect WO is more smitten than I am ^^
Wish us luck and lots of love. Ok, scratch the last part. We can handle that one. Mwahahaha!~
Someone said that I'm borderline paedo after seeing WO's profile on FB T.T
So, I'm just gonna clear the air and say that WO is of LEGAL age for any sort 'horizontal tango' in the bedroom
I know it shouldn't matter, so I'll just block that out and concentrate on making the both of us happy for as long as I can =)
Looks like throwing those 2 shiploads of oranges into the ocean on Chap Goh Mei (according to Zemien) worked after all. Got attached the day after. Kiong hee kiong hee. LOL, Kidding!~
I love you dear, MUUUUUUUUUUUUUAKS~
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Fallen Into You
For the past week, I've been going out with WO. When Shawn first introduced him to us, I thought of him just being another friend. As usual, got WO's FB from Shawn and then proceeded to get WO's MSN after msging him on FB. Nothing fancy, just adding another friend and I had no ulterior motives (BELIEVE IT!). It was on one fine night early morning at 5am, a couple of days after we met, when suddenly he msged me on MSN. He was surprised we were both still awake. I had just finished WOW-ing and he had just gotten done with Dota. It was that 1 hour of chatting that got me intrigued. Definitely not as innocent as he seems. He's like the 3rd guy I've come across that looks innocent like a budak kampung, but suprises me in MSN.
Anyhow, I expressed interest in going out with him, so he agreed. Our first outing took us about 8 hours. It was on the 2nd day of CNY, after we both got done with our CNY visitations at nite. As I've written in the previous post, we went to several places that night. I sent him home at about 4am, but we both decided to just sit in the car, close to his home and just talk for a couple more hours.
As we continued to talk, his hand came over and held my arm. He began to draw closer, cuddling snuggly. I knew then that I had him...hehe. WO mentioned that he had fallen into my trap. I didn't realize I had set one. Perhaps subconsciously, I had laid the Pooh trap XD
Went out with him again last Friday for dinner @ Daorae Korean BBQ, drinks and some card games along with Shawn and Dennis. It was really sweet during the night, when we'd both sneak hold hands throughout. When it was over, the clock was ticking close to 1 am. Actually, I was pretty tired but WO didn't feel like going home. We ended up back in my place, since we had no idea where to go next. Long story short, more talking and cuddling ensued. Somehow, our clothes also ended on the floor =P. By the time we were done, I sent him home at 5 am.
I've even introduced WO to the rest of the gang last weekend, in a birthday gathering @ Mar Vista apartments. Action speaks louder than words. Everyone kinda knew what was going on. He's kinda shy in groups, but opened up after warming up to everyone.
Although we've only known each other for 2 weeks, we're all over each other. I love the way he likes to cuddle. I love the way he sneaks me a kiss when we're alone briefly. I love the way he holds my hand when no one's watching (except my friends of course). I love the way he hides behind me, smiling sheepishly when he's shy. I find him damn adorable, wanna cubit sometimes. He's bubbly, cheerful, talkative, open-minded and honest. At least that's the impression he has on me right now =)
WO said that he has been caught in the Pooh trap, but I kinda think it might be the other way around. He has captured me in more ways than one.
He makes me think,"Where have you been all my life?". He has successfully launched me to 7th heaven. I've never felt this way before. I really hope this lasts as long as it can. At the moment, we can't seem to get enough of each other, sticking together with such thick, viscuous sweetness.
The Pooh is officially smitten.
PS: Yes, expect more lovey-dovey, overwhelmingly-diabetes-inducing sweetness soon, here and in FB XD
Anyhow, I expressed interest in going out with him, so he agreed. Our first outing took us about 8 hours. It was on the 2nd day of CNY, after we both got done with our CNY visitations at nite. As I've written in the previous post, we went to several places that night. I sent him home at about 4am, but we both decided to just sit in the car, close to his home and just talk for a couple more hours.
As we continued to talk, his hand came over and held my arm. He began to draw closer, cuddling snuggly. I knew then that I had him...hehe. WO mentioned that he had fallen into my trap. I didn't realize I had set one. Perhaps subconsciously, I had laid the Pooh trap XD
Went out with him again last Friday for dinner @ Daorae Korean BBQ, drinks and some card games along with Shawn and Dennis. It was really sweet during the night, when we'd both sneak hold hands throughout. When it was over, the clock was ticking close to 1 am. Actually, I was pretty tired but WO didn't feel like going home. We ended up back in my place, since we had no idea where to go next. Long story short, more talking and cuddling ensued. Somehow, our clothes also ended on the floor =P. By the time we were done, I sent him home at 5 am.
I've even introduced WO to the rest of the gang last weekend, in a birthday gathering @ Mar Vista apartments. Action speaks louder than words. Everyone kinda knew what was going on. He's kinda shy in groups, but opened up after warming up to everyone.
Although we've only known each other for 2 weeks, we're all over each other. I love the way he likes to cuddle. I love the way he sneaks me a kiss when we're alone briefly. I love the way he holds my hand when no one's watching (except my friends of course). I love the way he hides behind me, smiling sheepishly when he's shy. I find him damn adorable, wanna cubit sometimes. He's bubbly, cheerful, talkative, open-minded and honest. At least that's the impression he has on me right now =)
WO said that he has been caught in the Pooh trap, but I kinda think it might be the other way around. He has captured me in more ways than one.
He makes me think,"Where have you been all my life?". He has successfully launched me to 7th heaven. I've never felt this way before. I really hope this lasts as long as it can. At the moment, we can't seem to get enough of each other, sticking together with such thick, viscuous sweetness.
The Pooh is officially smitten.
PS: Yes, expect more lovey-dovey, overwhelmingly-diabetes-inducing sweetness soon, here and in FB XD
Saturday, February 13, 2010
He Left
Rafael left for Bangkok yesterday morning. I've spent almost the whole week with him since I met him last weekend. Sometimes joining him and his friends. Sometimes just him and I, walking or going for drinks, talking the night away. He's nice and sweet. Nice enough for me to introduce him to some of my friends here. He's the first Brazilian I got to know personally. Same goes for my friends. And he did leave us with a good impression, as I've heard some nasty things about Brazilians before.
On Thursday night, after joining my friends and I for CNY dinner@ Chin Bee Tea cafe (highly recommended, food was really good), we went over for drinks @ Coffee Bean in Gurney. Towards the end of the session, he wanted to spend some time with me alone, so I agreed. I could sense that he was really sad, having to leave Penang the next day. Specifically, he was really sad to leave me behind. Although we had only known each other for a week, but he really likes me. I could see it in his eyes.
So, off we drove to his motel, but I parked somewhere outside where we talked a bit more. I had this HUGE, painful ulcer that night. Seriously, it's so huge, even Rafael got shocked when I showed it to him. Despite that, we still kissed, slowly coz he didn't wanna hurt me. One thing that I loved about him was how passionate he was when we kissed. He was said the same thing about me, since the last 2 Asian guys he kissed didn't really inject any emotion while smooching and/or didn't know how to do it well.
There we were, at the side of the small street, makin' out. I did notice motorists slowing to see what was going on in the car, but I didn't care. Mind your own fucking business and move on, thank you very much. It was Rafael's last night here, and I wanted it to be pleasant for him. After locking tongues for short while, I was starting to have the horns. And, I was really tired that night too. But the way he knew how to kiss, made little Markie 'awaken to the sounds of the horns'.
Rafael suggested that we went somewhere more private. I looked around and noticed that the same car shed was kinda full, so I drove into a small alley right beside it. Then, this stupid dog started running towards the front of the car barking his lungs out. Niama, if this were China, I'd be having claypot dog for CNY reunion today (I've never eaten dog btw).
So, I had to gostan back out and saw that there was a space enough for one car in the shed, so I parked there. I turned off the lights and we went down to business. And by got down I meant lowered the seats so that people couldn't see us. And by down to business, I meant we got 'orally acquainted with each other's nether region'. But seriously, no penetrative action k? I'm not petite enough, nor am I well-versed enough in yoga to position myself that way in my Wira k? Simply not possible! Pinggang terseliuh later!
After that was over, we hugged and cuddled. At some points he kissed and held me so tightly, I knew he was crying. He was really trying to hold it together. He's so sweet and passionate, I've never met anyone like him. But, I knew I couldn't open up my heart much to him, which kinda saddened me at that point. He was leaving after all, and if I got too attached, I'd end up hurting myself too. What he said about me was true, that I'm as sensitive as I am a nice person.
I promised him that I wouldn't forget him. After all, there's always Facebook, and there's a tiny giraffe soft-toy that he bought for me to remember him by. He's still in Bangkok as I'm posting this and he'll be heading to Italy before finally going back to Brazil.
I will miss him.
PS: To my kaypoh friends (you know who you are =P), we only did it TWICE. Believe it!
On Thursday night, after joining my friends and I for CNY dinner@ Chin Bee Tea cafe (highly recommended, food was really good), we went over for drinks @ Coffee Bean in Gurney. Towards the end of the session, he wanted to spend some time with me alone, so I agreed. I could sense that he was really sad, having to leave Penang the next day. Specifically, he was really sad to leave me behind. Although we had only known each other for a week, but he really likes me. I could see it in his eyes.
So, off we drove to his motel, but I parked somewhere outside where we talked a bit more. I had this HUGE, painful ulcer that night. Seriously, it's so huge, even Rafael got shocked when I showed it to him. Despite that, we still kissed, slowly coz he didn't wanna hurt me. One thing that I loved about him was how passionate he was when we kissed. He was said the same thing about me, since the last 2 Asian guys he kissed didn't really inject any emotion while smooching and/or didn't know how to do it well.
There we were, at the side of the small street, makin' out. I did notice motorists slowing to see what was going on in the car, but I didn't care. Mind your own fucking business and move on, thank you very much. It was Rafael's last night here, and I wanted it to be pleasant for him. After locking tongues for short while, I was starting to have the horns. And, I was really tired that night too. But the way he knew how to kiss, made little Markie 'awaken to the sounds of the horns'.
Rafael suggested that we went somewhere more private. I looked around and noticed that the same car shed was kinda full, so I drove into a small alley right beside it. Then, this stupid dog started running towards the front of the car barking his lungs out. Niama, if this were China, I'd be having claypot dog for CNY reunion today (I've never eaten dog btw).
So, I had to gostan back out and saw that there was a space enough for one car in the shed, so I parked there. I turned off the lights and we went down to business. And by got down I meant lowered the seats so that people couldn't see us. And by down to business, I meant we got 'orally acquainted with each other's nether region'. But seriously, no penetrative action k? I'm not petite enough, nor am I well-versed enough in yoga to position myself that way in my Wira k? Simply not possible! Pinggang terseliuh later!
After that was over, we hugged and cuddled. At some points he kissed and held me so tightly, I knew he was crying. He was really trying to hold it together. He's so sweet and passionate, I've never met anyone like him. But, I knew I couldn't open up my heart much to him, which kinda saddened me at that point. He was leaving after all, and if I got too attached, I'd end up hurting myself too. What he said about me was true, that I'm as sensitive as I am a nice person.
I promised him that I wouldn't forget him. After all, there's always Facebook, and there's a tiny giraffe soft-toy that he bought for me to remember him by. He's still in Bangkok as I'm posting this and he'll be heading to Italy before finally going back to Brazil.
I will miss him.
PS: To my kaypoh friends (you know who you are =P), we only did it TWICE. Believe it!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Being 'Manja'
While we were dating, YZ complained that I was too 'manja' towards him. It wasn't anything new to me, coz I DO tend to do that to my BF or someone I really like. What was new to me was that he was complaining about it =P
None of my exes, or people I've dated had a problem with it. But, YZ felt that I wasn't treating him on the same level. That I wasn't treating him like an adult or matured person. I didn't really see it that way coz I felt that I was just being more affectionate and caring. In reality, I really appreciated his level of maturity. It was a real breath of fresh air for me. AND, we had already developed a more intimate/sexual relationship, hence all the 'manja'ness.
If you are my BF or even potential BF, I would let my affections pour out and begin to pamper you. I would be more attentive towards you. I would always observe you and learn as much as I can about the person that you are. And yes, I love to manja manja every now and then, coz I really can't help it =P
I guess all those things come naturally for me, or perhaps it's what I perceive I should do when I enter into an intimate relationship, and I think a lot of people do it too. However, I DID have to tone it down a little. It was giving YZ a hard time so I had to respect that.
What about you? Do you like to manja manja with your BF or GF? =P
None of my exes, or people I've dated had a problem with it. But, YZ felt that I wasn't treating him on the same level. That I wasn't treating him like an adult or matured person. I didn't really see it that way coz I felt that I was just being more affectionate and caring. In reality, I really appreciated his level of maturity. It was a real breath of fresh air for me. AND, we had already developed a more intimate/sexual relationship, hence all the 'manja'ness.
If you are my BF or even potential BF, I would let my affections pour out and begin to pamper you. I would be more attentive towards you. I would always observe you and learn as much as I can about the person that you are. And yes, I love to manja manja every now and then, coz I really can't help it =P
I guess all those things come naturally for me, or perhaps it's what I perceive I should do when I enter into an intimate relationship, and I think a lot of people do it too. However, I DID have to tone it down a little. It was giving YZ a hard time so I had to respect that.
What about you? Do you like to manja manja with your BF or GF? =P
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
I Miss You...
The year is coming to a close and I realize that I'm still all alone. The days have gone by so fast, but I still remember what we had. It was brief but it was good. I remembered the sweet things you did for me. I remember the moments when we were together.
At the end of last year, you came into my life when I was feeling the loneliest. I jumped into it without much thought when I saw the look on your face, as we kissed under the moonlight on the beach, while you lay on my lap. You made me feel wanted again. You made me feel that I was worth it. I miss the cute and adorable things you'd do. I miss the sounds you made as I tickled you when you pretended not to let me kiss you. I miss the times when you called me 'lo gong'. It was so cute when you begged me to get off you coz I was heavy and you couldn't breathe. I miss just cuddling you when we had a chance to be together. I miss pampering you, making sure you're alright and had what you needed so that you'd be happy. But then 3 months on, it just ended as abruptly as it began. I'm sorry I had to break-up with you. I didn't see a reason how we could go on when you behaved that way. Although it didn't end well, I still kept the memories. Good ones are almost impossible to erase.
Then a couple of months ago, you came along. I honestly didn't know that anything would even happen when I pushed the 'Add as Friend' button on Facebook. The open flirting that ensued in Facebook really surprised me, but it felt good. When I met you I didn't expect much, coz I didn't know you at all. Our first date was really sweet. I remember it to this day. I find it rather endearing how 'aggressive' you were. I was surprised at how matured someone your age was, at least more than those your age that I've met. I miss it when we held hands in public. I miss how you'd sneak every opportunity to lean on me when we went on the escalators. I miss how you held my pinky finger when I had one hand on the gear as I drove. I miss how well you knew how to cuddle when we slept. I miss feeling your warmth beside me. I miss the way you wouldn't let me kiss your 'sensitive' places, afraid of making too much noise. I still think it's adorable. I also miss the adorable way that you walk, as you come down those steps to meet me when I came to fetch you. What I miss the most is going to the movies with you. Holding hands and cuddling so close, we might as well have bought the couple's seat. It was a pity you made the decision you did, because I really thought we could make something of it. I just want you to know that it was a great month for me. Sometimes I thought of being more aggressive, but I get the feeling that would just drive you away. Nevertheless, out of all those whom I've been with (not a lot), you were the one who treated me the nicest and cared for me the most. I just thought you needed to know that. To this day, I still miss you a lot.
At the end of last year, you came into my life when I was feeling the loneliest. I jumped into it without much thought when I saw the look on your face, as we kissed under the moonlight on the beach, while you lay on my lap. You made me feel wanted again. You made me feel that I was worth it. I miss the cute and adorable things you'd do. I miss the sounds you made as I tickled you when you pretended not to let me kiss you. I miss the times when you called me 'lo gong'. It was so cute when you begged me to get off you coz I was heavy and you couldn't breathe. I miss just cuddling you when we had a chance to be together. I miss pampering you, making sure you're alright and had what you needed so that you'd be happy. But then 3 months on, it just ended as abruptly as it began. I'm sorry I had to break-up with you. I didn't see a reason how we could go on when you behaved that way. Although it didn't end well, I still kept the memories. Good ones are almost impossible to erase.
Then a couple of months ago, you came along. I honestly didn't know that anything would even happen when I pushed the 'Add as Friend' button on Facebook. The open flirting that ensued in Facebook really surprised me, but it felt good. When I met you I didn't expect much, coz I didn't know you at all. Our first date was really sweet. I remember it to this day. I find it rather endearing how 'aggressive' you were. I was surprised at how matured someone your age was, at least more than those your age that I've met. I miss it when we held hands in public. I miss how you'd sneak every opportunity to lean on me when we went on the escalators. I miss how you held my pinky finger when I had one hand on the gear as I drove. I miss how well you knew how to cuddle when we slept. I miss feeling your warmth beside me. I miss the way you wouldn't let me kiss your 'sensitive' places, afraid of making too much noise. I still think it's adorable. I also miss the adorable way that you walk, as you come down those steps to meet me when I came to fetch you. What I miss the most is going to the movies with you. Holding hands and cuddling so close, we might as well have bought the couple's seat. It was a pity you made the decision you did, because I really thought we could make something of it. I just want you to know that it was a great month for me. Sometimes I thought of being more aggressive, but I get the feeling that would just drive you away. Nevertheless, out of all those whom I've been with (not a lot), you were the one who treated me the nicest and cared for me the most. I just thought you needed to know that. To this day, I still miss you a lot.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Where Are You?
Where are you? Why haven't you come? Why haven't you appeared at my doorsteps? What's taking you so long? Did you have trouble finding me? I tried to look for you but in vain. They say that there is always someone for everyone. I'm beginning to think that they're liars.
I can't see you. I can't hear you, nor feel you. The road is dark, there is no light. It is cold and lonely. Sometimes it feels so bitter and empty. At times it feels so hard, so overwhelmingly tough. At times I feel like I'm adrift in the vast ocean, under the silhouette of the moonlight. Alone without a compass, without a breeze to carry me anywhere.
I need you. You have no idea how much I need you. Sometimes it feels like I can't carry on. Sometimes it feels like my heart is caving in. Sometimes it hurts so much. I yearn to feel your warmth against me. I yearn to listen to your beating heart. I yearn to feel the gentle caress of your breath. I yearn to hold you in my arms so tightly, at the risk of suffocating you.
Don't you see how much I need to love you? Can't you feel how much love I have to give? I don't wanna go on alone. Please come into my life. Everyone is telling me to wait. As patiently as I'm trying, at times I'm silently falling apart. Only hope is gluing me back together, to wake up one day and find you beside me. But that hope is starting to dwindle.
Everywhere I go, almost everyone I know, already has that special someone. When will it be our turn? Leave your footsteps in the sand, leave your lingering scent in the air, mark the trails of your life, to help me find you. When will our paths cross? When will our vines entwine? Will we ever find each other? Only time will tell, but here I am to announce. That I'm ready and waiting.
Where are you?
PS: Just feeling emo tonight...
I can't see you. I can't hear you, nor feel you. The road is dark, there is no light. It is cold and lonely. Sometimes it feels so bitter and empty. At times it feels so hard, so overwhelmingly tough. At times I feel like I'm adrift in the vast ocean, under the silhouette of the moonlight. Alone without a compass, without a breeze to carry me anywhere.
I need you. You have no idea how much I need you. Sometimes it feels like I can't carry on. Sometimes it feels like my heart is caving in. Sometimes it hurts so much. I yearn to feel your warmth against me. I yearn to listen to your beating heart. I yearn to feel the gentle caress of your breath. I yearn to hold you in my arms so tightly, at the risk of suffocating you.
Don't you see how much I need to love you? Can't you feel how much love I have to give? I don't wanna go on alone. Please come into my life. Everyone is telling me to wait. As patiently as I'm trying, at times I'm silently falling apart. Only hope is gluing me back together, to wake up one day and find you beside me. But that hope is starting to dwindle.
Everywhere I go, almost everyone I know, already has that special someone. When will it be our turn? Leave your footsteps in the sand, leave your lingering scent in the air, mark the trails of your life, to help me find you. When will our paths cross? When will our vines entwine? Will we ever find each other? Only time will tell, but here I am to announce. That I'm ready and waiting.
Where are you?
PS: Just feeling emo tonight...
Monday, October 12, 2009
The Verdict
I had a talk with him last Thursday, which was a day before the Oct 9th deadline he gave me. We went out for a casual dinner at Queensbay, bought some stuff and had the short conversation in my car on the way back. Before this, YZ and I were just dating and kept our options open. At that time, he wasn't sure if he could put himself fully into a relationship, hence the deadline so that he could really think about it.
Long story short, he's decided that we won't be in a relationship. It was bad timing for him, coz he still misses his ex and he's extremely busy with his studies from lots of assignments, exams and activities. Since he told me what he did, I can do nothing but accept it right? Can't really force my hand here and I have to respect his decision. Instead, I became his godbro...
If you're wondering, I'm quite fine. Ever since he told me that we might not end up together, I was already emotionally prepared. In the end, we would be attached or end up as friends. I guess godbro is something smack in the middle of both. But, I still had that sinking feeling in my heart when he announced his decision. I still felt that I had lost something and felt mildly saddened. Worry not though, I'm prepared to move on, although a little heavy-hearted. He treated me well when we dated and he was pretty honest with me most of the time. And for that, I'm grateful. We're still in good relations and nothing bad happened.
However, during the course of the month, I had begun to look at him differently every time I saw at him. I had begun to think of him more often. I would miss his embrace. I would miss him being in my arms, just enjoying each others company. Sometimes after not seeing him for a while, I would feel a tingle when he touches me. I would fondly think of his habits and the way he talks. I would sometimes grin to myself when I picture his adorable face and expressions. Gosh, I sound like I'm smitten. Perhaps a little, but I should put it in the past. I shouldn't let myself fall too far if it was uncertain to begin with.
Time to move on...
Long story short, he's decided that we won't be in a relationship. It was bad timing for him, coz he still misses his ex and he's extremely busy with his studies from lots of assignments, exams and activities. Since he told me what he did, I can do nothing but accept it right? Can't really force my hand here and I have to respect his decision. Instead, I became his godbro...
If you're wondering, I'm quite fine. Ever since he told me that we might not end up together, I was already emotionally prepared. In the end, we would be attached or end up as friends. I guess godbro is something smack in the middle of both. But, I still had that sinking feeling in my heart when he announced his decision. I still felt that I had lost something and felt mildly saddened. Worry not though, I'm prepared to move on, although a little heavy-hearted. He treated me well when we dated and he was pretty honest with me most of the time. And for that, I'm grateful. We're still in good relations and nothing bad happened.
However, during the course of the month, I had begun to look at him differently every time I saw at him. I had begun to think of him more often. I would miss his embrace. I would miss him being in my arms, just enjoying each others company. Sometimes after not seeing him for a while, I would feel a tingle when he touches me. I would fondly think of his habits and the way he talks. I would sometimes grin to myself when I picture his adorable face and expressions. Gosh, I sound like I'm smitten. Perhaps a little, but I should put it in the past. I shouldn't let myself fall too far if it was uncertain to begin with.
Time to move on...
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Touching, Amazing and Inspirational
Kinda busy these few days, so just sharing some stuff worth sharing ^^
I've seen this for quite some time but it's still touching after watching it again. Real love is never forgotten, no matter what we are =)
Always appreciate and be grateful what you have right now. No matter how bad you have it, there are ALWAYS someone worse off than you, like Sam and Esther. No one, especially young children, should go through such suffering...
On a lighter note, I'm re-posting this amazing video. Such awesome coordination to pull them off =)
To end, this is something truly inspirational. I'm sure most of you have seen or heard of Nick Vujicic, a man who was born with any arms and legs. How someone who has such astounding physical limitations can be so strong, positive and inspire others is nothing short of amazing. He's truly a giant in our hearts.
If you think you have limitations that are holding you back, think of Nick. He reminds us that there are times when we feel SO beaten down, weak and helpless, but we should NEVER give up. Anything is possible =)
I've seen this for quite some time but it's still touching after watching it again. Real love is never forgotten, no matter what we are =)
Always appreciate and be grateful what you have right now. No matter how bad you have it, there are ALWAYS someone worse off than you, like Sam and Esther. No one, especially young children, should go through such suffering...
On a lighter note, I'm re-posting this amazing video. Such awesome coordination to pull them off =)
To end, this is something truly inspirational. I'm sure most of you have seen or heard of Nick Vujicic, a man who was born with any arms and legs. How someone who has such astounding physical limitations can be so strong, positive and inspire others is nothing short of amazing. He's truly a giant in our hearts.
If you think you have limitations that are holding you back, think of Nick. He reminds us that there are times when we feel SO beaten down, weak and helpless, but we should NEVER give up. Anything is possible =)
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