Financially Challenged

"Money is not the most important thing in the world, but it is important for most things in life"

Do you agree with this quote? People who actually believe that money is the root of all evil, should try to argue the destitute, homeless and financially bankrupt. If you still believe that, by all means, I would love to relieve you from that 'evil'. And people who believe that are also those with the most money and arguably, might have too much time to think and conjure up such nonsensical notion. A gun doesn't kill people, people kill people.

My life has taken a financial backseat in the past couple of years. Added commitments and some unfortunate incidents have caused inevitable outward monetary surge from my coffers, and this has become a source of self-inflicted stress. Don't get me wrong, I'm not approaching poverty any time soon. But, I am the type of person who believes in saving for a rainy day. Wisely cautious or borderline paranoid, however you want to put it, I'm always wary that shit might happen, which would require digging into any cash reserves. So, it is distressing to me that the meagre digits in my bank account haven't given birth to more digits, and have been quite stagnant in the past couple of years. Right now, my expenses (which is quite little) and commitments are almost equal to my salary.

I'm not a big spender. In fact, I haven't been shopping for a long time and my very limited wardrobe bores me to tears. I've been wearing my worn out gym sneakers for almost everything for almost 2 years. My social life in Penang (and KL) is like Lindsay Lohan's career, almost dead. I'm in need of a lot of things right now, and I'm tempted to just throw caution into the wind (or in front of a speeding bus) and get them.

However, I've come to realize that life is how you choose to be. I've been making myself feel miserable for the past year. 2010 felt like hell for me coz I was stressing myself out. And for what? It's not as if money will come crashing down from the heavens if I choose to indulge in self-inflicted worries. Instead, I should re-adjust my focus. Shift my mental energy to observe what I truly have, and what I can do to improve it. A brand new car (coz my old one got totaled thanks to dad), a steady roof over my head, a brand new computer, enough food to eat every day; basically the necessities (yes, a PC is a necessity for me, like my liver). Sure, I'm not as rich or fabulous as the next wealthy snob, but my life doesn't suck ass either.

Whatever the circumstances, we ultimately choose how we react towards it. Circumstances won't change, we change. There is no merit dwelling in despair, nor indulging in negative self-talk. We are who we choose to be, whether you believe it or not. Also, I leave you with this...

"The wealthiest person is not the one with the most money, but the one with the least debts".

This is SO true...well, in my books anyways =)

Being Too Hard On Myself?

I've been looking back on my life. I'm already 29, and what have I really accomplished? The truth is, sadly, not much. In fact, I haven't managed significantly improve the quality of my life to the level that I wanted. Ever since I moved next door with dad so that I can have my own room, I haven't been able to save. I've had more responsibilities like bills and insurance to pay for, on top my study loan, monthly allowance for my dad, repairs for my car and other unpredictable misfortunes that pop up. My job doesn't pay well for the experience that I have. I don't feel appreciated as an engineer and the pay doesn't justify the workload.

I haven't managed to save to buy a better car, own a better PC, buy better things for myself or finance my own place. Shit, I barely did any shopping this year, coz I was afraid of spending. You might say that I'm currently evaluating the quality of my life based on my financial means. I'm very dissatisfied, even borderline in despair that financially, I'm still not where I want to be, and I'm still struggling. At this point, I should already have the financial stability, not keep worrying about money. I really need a new job and a better life. And it's NOT just for me, it's for my mum and sis as well. I don't ever want mum to work so hard in her older years, which is rapidly approaching. I REALLY NEED that job in SG or AUS. However, most engineering jobs in AUS involve civil, mechanical, structural or electrical engineering that focus on construction, railways or even water facility managements. And those aren't my major or what I currently do at all. So, SG would be a better target at this point, since they have jobs more relevant to what I'm doing. I COULD consider an internal transfer to SG, on top of other companies I'm currently applying to in SG as well.

My love life is a bomb, and nothing to talk about right now. Still alone and single. Being single has it's perks, coz you have all the time in the world to do whatever you want. But ever since YZ, I feel even more lonely. I really do miss him, but it wasn't meant to be. Once again I'm in the market, but not sure if I'm still wanted T.T

I don't look better than before. In fact, lately I look worse since I haven't been getting enough sleep. Sometimes I'm just thinking too much that falling asleep is becoming difficult. I know I might be too hard on myself, but I abhor being stagnant and not moving forward. If I'm moving backwards, it frustrates me to no end.

I remember when I started my job as an engineer, being a professional and in charge of my own financial means. I was saving quite a lot too, especially in my first year in the job. I had also just returned to Penang permanently and being active as a PLU, making a lot of new friends and really socializing to make up for what I missed in my younger days. I really felt that I was making something of my life and going in the direction I wanted to be.

Now, I just feel like a failure. What have I accomplished so far? NOTHING! No savings, still looking like crap and no BF. What a way to end the year.

I'm not meant to be a still lake, but a river that keeps flowing forward, not backwards. Am I being too hard on myself?

Low, Low, Low, Low...!

Nono...I ain't referring to Flo Rida ft T-Pain's Get Low. I'm referring to my financial status this year. Seriously, this year has been nothing but poop on my wallet. A series of unfortunate events (including my flat being on fire early this year), some lack of budgeting skills (okok, MY fault!) and certain impulsive investments has left my coffers running almost dry. I've spent waaay more than I can afford this year. Heck, I managed to save up a nice sum last year, this year it's mostly gone. Plus, my increment this year is rather crappy. I should count my lucky stars that there IS an increment, with the economy facing imminent meltdowns I presume.

Anyhow, this is NOT by any means a rant. After all, I still have my job which pays rather well. However, with the current state of deteriorating global economy, I'm keeping my fingers crossed hoping that no 'cost-saving' initiatives will suddenly pop-up, if you get my drift. If you don't, please by all means, read the news or watch more CNN.

I know that I can very well bounce back financially when all this CRAP STOPS HAPPENING! Hear that life? I know that my so-called predictions for those born in the year of the Monkey spells a bad financial year for me and even though I choose NOT to believe it, it's bloody October and my savings account balance needs more digits. So, perhaps it's somewhat...partially...kinda...teensy bit true after all. I guess I should patiently wait for the year to blow over, 2 more months to go.

With MORE money-spending activities and events coming up end of the year, I need to guard my spending more closely. I'm really needing the end of year bonus and profit sharing beginning next year. So my dear friends, won't you be a sweetheart and treat me for dinner more often until next year comes? *wink wink*